CrunchBerry Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 Hello I've been thinking about my sexuality a lot recently, and was wondering if I could get some of your thoughts. I'm a 28 year old male, and I've always assumed that I'm straight, but the more I think about it I'm not so sure. I'm still a virgin (which almost no one knows, as most of my friends assume I'm a bit of a slut funnily enough haha), and this is mostly because of the fact that the actual act of sex doesn't interest me really, besides the curiosity of seeing what it's like. I've been in love a couple of times and I like women, but more the act of closeness rather than sex. On top of that I have a very specific fetish towards a non-sexual body part, and that's really my only "sexual" outlet when masturbating (which I only started doing when I was 26) and the only thing that does anything. And tbh the idea of sex really doesnt do anything, and I have zero attraction towards private parts. I have tried "regular porn" and I have zero interest in it. I have been in many situations where I could have had sex, but always found a way to talk myself out of it. So my question is, with this info do you have any idea of what I could be? I know that labels aren't necessarily useful but tbh I think it'd be a good jumping point for me. I've literally never talked about this with anyone and as I get older it just feels like I should get a grip on who I am. Or it's always gonna bother me. If you've made it this far, thanks for your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Astrea Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 Hi! Well, it's always hard to tell the sexuality of someone you've never met but... yeah, you sure sound like your cards are all aces ^^ The way you describe yourself sounds like typical heteroromantic asexuality to me, masturbating and having a few fetishes doesn't change that. You just don't sound as if you are interested in having sex with anyone, which is pretty much the definition of asexuality. So... welcome to the community : have some cake! 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
CrunchBerry Posted January 14, 2021 Author Share Posted January 14, 2021 Wow, actually just hearing that gave me such a weird feeling of calm and relief. I know I've still got a lot to figure out, but honestly just hearing that and the other stuff I've read is making so much stuff fall into place. I look forward to becoming part of the community and finding out more. Thanks Astrea really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 Asexuality is about a lack of desire for sex or sexual activity, and based on what you've said, sounds like you don't want it so to me, it seems like you could be ace. Also whoever said labels aren't useful? Sure, people shouldn't get too carried away with labels but the whole point of labels is the fact that they're useful. You have a word to describe an aspect of yourself that you can tell people instead of a whole explanation, and a community of other people who use the same word and share similar experiences. Labels aren't everything, but they're definitely useful. Link to post Share on other sites
auntjessie Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 Welcome @CrunchBerry 💜 🍰 It sounds to me like you have a pretty firm grasp yourself. But coming to the realization that you may be asexual is always a tricky path. Glad you came here for advice. I can say - from the female perspective - I believe you can identity as asexual. I'm 33, still a virgin, and haven't had a relationship in years. I've watched porn but find it more comical than sexual. Like you, I'm curious to know how sex feels, but seeing that I have zero interest in having it with someone, it's probably not in the cards. It's ok if you're uncomfortable using the label right away. It took me some time for me to get comfortable telling people I was asexual. But the more you say, the more comfortable you get. I think you're definitely on the right path. And we're here to help you with any other questions or concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
CrunchBerry Posted January 15, 2021 Author Share Posted January 15, 2021 Sorry, you're absolutely right! I think my wording didn't convey my meaning correctly. What I meant was that I was worried that a label might be limiting some way, as it wouldn't fully cover the nuances of my identity. Sorry if I made it sound like I thought they were useless. And if I've learnt anything over the last 2 hours, I've personally (and finally) just experienced how much of a difference a label can make. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
CrunchBerry Posted January 15, 2021 Author Share Posted January 15, 2021 Thanks for the kind and supporting words auntjessie. Yeah, it definitely feels like I'm at the beginning of some kind of journey here, which is both scary and weirdly exciting. Thank you for letting me know your experiences too, putting your story in context with mine is really helpful and has made me feel assured. Really appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Taemi Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 You have to feel what label resonates with your feelings the best. But based on what you said it seems to me like you're heteroromantic asexual. It's similar to what I feel But don't pressure yourself about finding the right label, take your time and welcome here! Link to post Share on other sites
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