Hopeless ?

[k_ace]

Looking for some comfort. After realizing that I am likely asexual, I have been dealing with a lot of internal turmoil. I am going to have to tell my partner of 3 years (we have been on a "break" for about a month due to problems with sex and physical intimacy, which is part of what led me to this realization). I am fearful of this conversation as I understand that it may bring on the end of my relationship. I'm not aromantic, and I really do enjoy love and companionship- I'd call myself a bit of a "hopeless romantic."  I love my partner so much but I understand that this incompatibility may very well be too much for him  (he has a very high libido, and he's in his early 20's very much influenced by the "hookup culture" he sees his friends engage in). Is dating as an ace even possible? I'm feeling a bit sad and lonely lately at the prospect of not just this relationship ending, but also a difficult road ahead with relationships. Does anyone have words of advice to offer? 

[Sean_Bird]

Sending you good vibes!!! ❤️

 

And yes, aces can still date, and do! I was in a similar situation to yours, actually. I'd been in a relationship to a straight dude with a high libido for a number of years (at least 3? Maybe 5? I don't remember at this point, somewhere in that range) and after years in, finally realized I was ace. Long story short, we ended things, I almost immediately jumped into a relationship with another ace person, and I've been much happier with them. ^^ the dating pool is smaller for aces, but imo dating a fellow ace makes a lot of things easier down the road. I can cuddle my partner without concern of turning him on, I don't have to force myself to "be in the mood" (lots of crying and headaches), and it's overall much healthier.

 

If you haven't already, I would look into adopting a romantic orientation label, since that'll make it easier with finding future partners. ^^

[Arlo]

I don’t have any advice for you. Just know that we are in the same boat. I’ve never been in a relationship, but know that I really want to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate and have kids. But I worry that I never will fall in love since I’ve only had one crush in four years. I worry that I will not find an ace person and even if I do I will not be into them. It feels better to know we are not alone. I know you will find the right person for you! Sending lots of good vibes too! 💕

[LiveLaugh(Love?)]

My advice is to be honest... Explain what asexuality is and why you identify with it. Talk about what compromises you could make, but know your partner might not be willing to do that. Being in an unfulfilling relationship will be damaging to both of you so you need to discuss how or if you will make the relationship work. If you can't reach an agreement then it might be best to part ways. The situation would probably only lead to problems later on.

 

However, if you both are willing to try and make it work, go for it! Communication is key though, and you both need to know how you each feel in order to meet each others' needs. Good luck!