I am still unsure about everything

[Ace_SouthAfrica_87]

I left AVEN and had a girlfriend a couple of months ago and had a sexual experience, but when it came to the actual deed. Erectile dysfunction. Not to sound shallow or anything. Perhaps a little bit shallow. I didn't feel sexual attraction to be honest. I enjoyed the activities encountered, but I wouldn't say I ever getting sexually frustrated or anything. She was a nice decent smart girl, but I could go another 30 years without sex to be honest. She told me she isn't a very sexual person, and I didn't really get a grasp if I was a satisfying lover. I will keep trying to date women and perhaps find one that I might be sexually attracted to, but I just don't feel it. Is there a link I'm missing? I do get aroused (sorry, TMI) but that perhaps just from friction and being forced to cuddle, which I hate doing. Did it for her sake. 

 

I thought I was heterosexual and now I'm leaning towards asexuality again. Think I'll consider myself a greyasexual once again. Leaning more toward the asexual side if that makes sense. In my previous post I was convinced that I have moved on and that my friends were right that it was just a phase. I was in a more positive mindset back then. Now I am confused once again. Has anyone ever gone through this kind of back and forth between identities/orientations? I'm certain my sexual identity is rather fluid and my self-confidence goes through patches. 

[MakeupJunkie4]

Aces can experience arousal (I do on occasion). Asexuality is simply not experiencing sexual attraction to any person - getting aroused or having sex for a partner doesn't make one any less ace. HTH  

[Dr. Mendo]

Yeah like MakeupJunkie4 said, I am also ace and get sexually aroused. Asexuality could be not experiencing sexual attraction to any person, but more broadly and accurately, it is a lack of desire to have sexual intercourse. That seems to fit you well based on this. 

[Faleeria]

First of all: Welcome back to AVEN! 

 

I agree with what has been said before. Getting aroused doesn't cross out the possibility of being asexual. You said you "didn't feel sexual attraction" and that you don't need sex, which (in my opinion) fits the definition of being asexual rather well.

 

I don't think you need to pressure yourself to find a label that you 100% identify with now - I know there are MANY people here on AVEN that change their labels over and over again because they're not fully confident with choosing certain ones. That's completely natural. I think it's important to remind yourself that the journey to self-discovery can be very long and often doesn't just "end" at a certain point in life. I genuinely hope that you'll be able to look past your confusion and try to be comfortable with getting to know yourself a bit more (since it seemed that your self confidence may be negatively affected by this confusion).

[aafire]

Welcome back!

 

I think something to consider is your emotional connection to this partner, and how that might relate to your arousal. I've had very similar experiences as far as 'enjoying activities' but not really feeling sexual attraction, particularly if its not someone I was emotionally connected to. It might take the right person for you to feel really comfortable (as a possible grey ace), and to connect on the emotional level you need to find that sexual connection. And until you find that person, its can be really hard to nail down your identity (I know I've struggled with that myself.) I think overall.. Don't stress out too much, but consider what your subconscious tells you about yourself in certain situations.

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions

 

Janus DarkFox

Weekends Asexual Relationships, Current Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator