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Dating, while confused about feelings


SaAsh

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Hey everyone, I'm 22, fairly new here and i really am confused what I am, though, i consider myself to lean towards being a lithromantic. It might all just sound gibberish but i need help lol

 

I've been talking online to a guy since 1 year and we've said we like each other, have had fun and all sorts of things (virtual only). Just a few days ago, we met for the first time. It was my first date and I was nervous (a lot). We talked, had coffee, walked a bit but when he asked if he could hold my hand, I said no. He asked me to come in his car so we could get someplace private, I said no. (I told ya i was nervous).

 

A day or 2 later, he said that the next time he comes, he hopes we can get a little intimate, holding hands, possibly kissing.. just going with the flow. I can't tell you how terrified I got. One, Im not sure I wanna lose my virginity just yet, but secondly, it just sounded so weird. I was like nooo.. im not going to have sex ew. I am pretty attracted to him and we had gotten somewhat intimate on our texts but I just didn't want it to happen in real.

 

I really like him and want to date him, but I dont know.. i get really closed up on the fact that he is wanting a physical intimacy in real which I don't think I can provide (atleast just yet).

 

There have been previous instances where I loose interest in someone once things start getting "real" or i feel that they're feeling the same as me. Its as if the novelty wears off. However, i really like him, and want to pursue something with him but i fear I'll loose interest sooner or later.

 

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Haha wow I am literally exactly the same as you - I am 23 years old and feel sort of lithromantic, as well as kind of flustered by physical intimacy. 

 

Something that helped me was actually having a relationship with a guy who was willing to wait as long as I needed to try new things. We have since broken up, but I credit him to helping me learn about setting my own boundaries and going at my own pace. I was too grossed out to even hold his hand at first, but I gradually worked up the courage to, and then it was fine once I tried it. Same with kissing him - I didn't kiss him for over 2 months, but when I finally decided to, it was because I was ready. 

 

When we started dating, even though it was ME who asked HIM out, I immediately regretted it (because I have lithromantic tendencies). He was patient and we got through that phase after a few weeks.

 

Don't make yourself do things that are too uncomfortable. Just be patient with yourself, and make it a priority to find a partner who will do the same. If your partner is too pushy, then that means they aren't listening to you, which is just in general not a good sign.

 

Good luck!

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5 hours ago, ghost14 said:

Haha wow I am literally exactly the same as you - I am 23 years old and feel sort of lithromantic, as well as kind of flustered by physical intimacy. 

 

Something that helped me was actually having a relationship with a guy who was willing to wait as long as I needed to try new things. We have since broken up, but I credit him to helping me learn about setting my own boundaries and going at my own pace. I was too grossed out to even hold his hand at first, but I gradually worked up the courage to, and then it was fine once I tried it. Same with kissing him - I didn't kiss him for over 2 months, but when I finally decided to, it was because I was ready. 

 

When we started dating, even though it was ME who asked HIM out, I immediately regretted it (because I have lithromantic tendencies). He was patient and we got through that phase after a few weeks.

 

Don't make yourself do things that are too uncomfortable. Just be patient with yourself, and make it a priority to find a partner who will do the same. If your partner is too pushy, then that means they aren't listening to you, which is just in general not a good sign.

 

Good luck!

Wow! This sounds almost too exact to my situation and I'm really kinda happy and relieved to hear about 

 

The guy I'm dating, we actually had a slight arguement about physical intimacy. I felt it was being rushed, since we've just met. He wanted it on a faster pace. Ofcourse he told me that he'd never push me into something, just go with the flow (which I agreed to, even if i thought it was a load of bs since I know I don't want to get physical)

 

Shortly after, I searched this term, linked my past behaviors to this and told him. And I can't tell you how shocked I got when he responded with "im with you on this". I'm like whoa! I thought you would break up lol. He said it "would be difficult, would get frustrating since he wants things a little differently but that he adored tf out of me too. So yeah, probably stupid of me lol"

 

Lol I just wrote conversations here but literally it makes me feel so comfortable. Thanks @ghost14 for sharing 

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