Mys Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Hi guys, I just wanted to see what sex means to you and what your views/opinions on it are. I'll start first because honestly sex doesn't have much meaning to me and I see more cons than pros in engaging with sex. I could happily live without it and don't see it as necessary at all. I guess it isn't really desirable personally even if it's pleasurable. I do know sex is meant to be an intimate bonding experience for people but I just don't see it as such. I'd like to know what everyone else feels towards sex as I'm just curious how it differs between people. Thanks! (Both asexuals and sexuals are welcome to answer) Link to post Share on other sites
NewStart Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 It means nothing to me. Always been more of a chore than a pleasant experience for me. Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 It means nothing to me personally, I can and have lived without it in my life, I tried it, it didn't feel right, I don't know how to describe it, but for me, it didn't feel natural, I'm not sex repulsed, I don't mind what others do, it just doesn't work for me Link to post Share on other sites
𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗶t Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 that means sex to me is... get of child, tried care the child. etc. better bunch of friends or chating of role playing fanatics Link to post Share on other sites
Izz Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I understand why people have sex, for trust and intimacy and if a couple is trying to have kids for reproductions, but i could never picture myself doing it. like you said more cons than pros and its just not appealing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I don't know. It wasn't me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zimmermikeee Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 For me it means kids. I'm that person who sees sex only as one of ways to get a biological kid, nothing else. And as i neither think of kids, nor experience sexual attraction to anyone, i can live without sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Faleeria Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I fully acknowledge that it can be incredibly important to others for several reasons and I am happy that it can mean so much to them. For me personally, it's a disgusting process though. I don't think I would ever want to/be able to offer myself to another person in this way. I keep repeating in my mind "My body is none of your business, I don't want you in the picture." Merely thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. Which isn't a surprised since I am strongly sex-averse. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 To me personally it doesn't really mean much at all. I get that it is important to many other people but it's not something I need or miss. I'm not repulsed by it (I find it interesting as a thing) but lack the desire to engage in it and when I have had sex it all just feels a bit weird and not really me. Link to post Share on other sites
cinnamon-fae Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I see it as a chance for orgasm and physical pleasure. As that's not the only way of getting those things, I don't have much interest in partnered sex. I definitely see more cons than pros for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain House Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 1 hour ago, Mys said: what your views/opinions on it are Sex is good and fun. I like it. 1 hour ago, Mys said: I see more cons than pros in engaging with sex See, this is such a foreign thing to say that I don't know how to respond. Assuming full consent, I don't even know if I can imagine a con. Let's switch to broccoli. I see more cons than pros in eating broccoli. My comment here would be, if you don't like broccoli, don't eat broccoli. 1 hour ago, Mys said: I do know sex is meant to be an intimate bonding experience for people but I just don't see it as such. Well then, if I said it is an intimate bonding experience for me have you just negated my experience? Understand that it is an intimate bonding experience for me and in a primal way; without thought. You can read about the brain chemistry involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Wineglass Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 For me, sex is incredibly fun, pleasurable and satisfying. It's also a way for me to connect deeply with my partner. And when I don't get it regularly I can feel frustrated. So based on that there are way more pros than cons for me. Link to post Share on other sites
MarRister Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 The meaning behind sex is kind of context dependent. I also find it odd to think of it in terms of a balance of pros and cons. It is kind of like listing pros and cons to eating in general. Well, those pros and cons are dependent on a lot of things. Does it taste good to me? Is it poisonous? Am I hungry? Is it healthy? Am I allergic to it? I've never had sex with someone I've been in love with. Though I think I would find meaning there, and would enjoy that, but it is not something I have experienced. My sexual experiences have all pretty much been casual in nature (not one night stands, but not in the context of a committed relationship). I don't really know if I would say it had much deep meaning or anything. It was just something I wanted to do and a side of life I wanted to explore. I suppose it has meaning to me, in that I discovered more about myself through it. But for the most part it was just something I found fun. I enjoy sharing that closeness and connection with another person. Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 I could probably write a few bits on that. Not that I have anything better to do tonight anyway. To me sex itself is reserved for one person only. That being somebody I love, whom loves me back in equal. It's a boundry of trust and comfort. It's also an act of mutual respect. Sanctuary, really. The opportunity to make somebody you love feel physically the best they ever could, and if it involves children, then it's an act that should be revered with the utmost respect, because it means that either party is willing to make a child together. In my case since I'm a dude, I'd pay more reverence to that act because I'm not the one that'll be carrying the child. I'd be absolutely humbled if another person decided to undertake that commitment, that pain, in light of how much they loved me. I'm not particularily spirtual. But from time to time I can't help but acknowledge the etheral nature of our feelings or emotions. Sex and love would be one of those absolutely ethereal, and for lack of a better word, divine experiences to be shared with another. Santuary, safety, absolute love and trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 Sex is a gift. It’s to be given, received, enjoyed and celebrated. It’s surprising and full of anticipation. Seriously, WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!? haha Afterwards, it leaves fulfillment, peace, love, sensitivity, and acceptance. (Sometimes exhaustion...😁) To me, sex is the essence of life. I need it like I need air, water or food. That’s not a point to argue, but a fact in my estimation as a sexual. Simply put, great sex nourishes in every way. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 Sex can be a lot of things. An expression of love & feeling loved is an ideal form. Sexual desire can take other forms too. Personally, on testosterone, sex feels less necessarily connected to love for me, but that’s still very much present. I don’t have that right now, because I don’t feel loved (although I can still express love with sexual desire, but even that it flickering now — I hope therapy helps us). So, sex is not sufficient. And I can feel loved without sex, so neither is sex necessary. But an absence of loving sex can certainly make one feel unloved, especially if one had it before, because it’s a barometer of sorts — a strong signal that someone does not love you. (But, of course, there are others too.) Whatever sex is between two people, motivation is inherently social — the physiological aspect can be satisfied alone, after all — I think it is, at its heart, a form of mattering to another person. Whether that’s the desire to have fun together with someone you like, or feel desired by another, or be vulnerable with them, or important and trusted by them, or powerful over them, or (last, and far from least) to express love, or feel loved. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveNotSex? Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 For me it doesn't mean much, it's more or less a spare time activity among many others, not my favourite one, something to please my partner and to scratch an itch I could also just scratch on my own. I can't wrap my head around the meaning of sex for others. If it's about intense feelings of intimacy, trust, fun and a form of bonding or communication with someone, why are aesthetic aspects of bodies / body parts so important to most people? Couldn't all of this just be had with a person who is a great match personally, without any significance of appearance / "hotness" of the person or of specific body parts? Some of you will probably say that the latter isn't important for them and sexual attraction and desire is more related to character and connection, but there seem to be many people out there to whom sex seems to be more like an urge to do sexual things with "hot" bodies or body parts? To me it almost seems as if there are two different kinds of sex for sexuals: the love-intimacy-connection-sex and the pleasure-with-hot-bodies-sex? How can two things that seem to be so different emotionally both be "the meaning of" sex? Cuddling for example, which is also a way to share intimacy and so on, doesn't have such an ambiguity. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain House Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 2 hours ago, LoveNotSex? said: To me it almost seems as if there are two different kinds of sex for sexuals I have mentioned that there are two different kinds of sex for me. One fills the bonding tank and the other is a fun celebration of love and life together. It is something I have had to learn and my wife and I work with as we figure out how our marriage finds satisfaction. Interestingly, we both can make the call after sex but it is tough to identify any other time. The best way for me is to be aware when other forms of touch seem to be lacking. And that doesn't really fit your question. For me, all of that would fall in the love-intimacy-connection-sex category. Don't get me wrong, I do have an aesthetic that I find attractive but my attraction comes in the form of wanting to get close and get to know the person. I can't recall every seeing a person that fits my aesthetic and thinking I wanted sex with them. To be sure, there are categories of people that fall under the sexual umbrella. Some collect bed post notches. I doubt this forum will see many like that because most sexual people that end up here are trying to figure out how to keep a relationship with an ace-spectrum partner which I would interpret as emotionally driven and not driven by a desire to count sexual coup. To add to the answer I gave above I just want to say I really like the breadth of @Traveler40's response. For me, it is so much more that a spare time activity. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 4 hours ago, LoveNotSex? said: How can two things that seem to be so different emotionally both be "the meaning of" sex? The really short answer is: because there are many forms of mattering to others. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 What does music mean to you? For me what does sex mean is a similar question. Its a very broad question and just as I like many different types of music, I like many different types of sex (moods / atmosphere, not talking about physical actions) Link to post Share on other sites
Wineglass Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 6 hours ago, LoveNotSex? said: To me it almost seems as if there are two different kinds of sex for sexuals: the love-intimacy-connection-sex and the pleasure-with-hot-bodies-sex? How can two things that seem to be so different emotionally both be "the meaning of" sex? For me? I think so! I don't think anyone has put it that clearly before. But the "intimacy" sex is so much more deeply satisfying than "pleasure with hot bodies" sex so if having the former means forgoing the latter, it would seem that many (sexual) people would be happy with that. But to answer your question? Based on the range of answers here I think people probably end up ultimately deciding for themselves what the meaning (or lack thereof) of sex is since it's so varied. Not to mention the two just feel very different emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
riskygamble Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Sometimes it can feel like a chore and I wish I could shake that feeling because there are times where I really appreciate the intimacy of it. I wish I could see more of the merit and value in it and understand where people who appreciate and crave it are coming from. It's merely just one way for me to be close to the person I love and be vulnerable with them, and sometimes it can feel good, but it's mostly also a form of appreciation and an act of giving. I would be completely satisfied with just non-sexual intimacy with a partner but I'm not in a relationship that could sustain that way. I'm fine with that, because again, it's something that makes my partner feel desired and he can feel connected with me. I don't know, it's kind of analogous to someone offering me a dessert that I don't particularly go for but can enjoy if I'm in the right mood. Bonus points if the dessert was made by the person who gave it to me. By eating it I'm showing appreciation for not just the food but also their cooking and effort to make something for me. Sex as a purely physical thing has never resonated with me and has caused a lot of feelings of isolation and distress wondering if there was something wrong with me for not seeing the same appeal that everyone else around me seemingly was. Link to post Share on other sites
PermianElle Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 A sacrifice/compromise I'll make if I love my SO enough. But not without a detailed conversation about what we expect out of it and making sure we both understand the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 8:43 AM, Mys said: Hi guys, I just wanted to see what sex means to you and what your views/opinions on it are. I'll start first because honestly sex doesn't have much meaning to me and I see more cons than pros in engaging with sex. I could happily live without it and don't see it as necessary at all. I guess it isn't really desirable personally even if it's pleasurable. I do know sex is meant to be an intimate bonding experience for people but I just don't see it as such. I'd like to know what everyone else feels towards sex as I'm just curious how it differs between people. Thanks! (Both asexuals and sexuals are welcome to answer) Sex is a token to be traded A gold coin of sorts Services are also tokens but mean less Since services can be given freely Since all they require is time and effort Of course you can require payment for services However, if its not sex its problebly not a gold coin Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 At this point it probably has a bit more negative meaning to me (than neutral or positive), unfortunately. I want someone to spend time with and be close, cuddle, and more, but sex can feel like pressure because I don't have enough interest in it. I'm open to my feelings changing about it though. Link to post Share on other sites
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