How do I react to a coming out

[Emma11]

I recently discovered that one of my good friends is asexual and really struggling with acceptance, she hasn't come out to me yet, and I think it will take some time before she will tell me, which is completely okay. I'm wondering what the best reaction would be if she eventually comes out, I did a lot of research on asexuality because I want to know what she's going through, but I don't really know how she would like me to react. What should I do?

[Andrea KF]

Personally I would just like people to shrug and then treat me as before. But that's me and I don't know your friend.

 

It's good you've already did research. Seems to me you won't fail her.

[Acerna]

To state the obvious... be supportive. Dont question it, or make doubt. Try “Thank you for trusting me enough to be able to tell me” or just be calm about it. Let them know you accept her for who she is, it’s not a huge deal to be the receiver, more so the one who has to take up the courage and stresses about coming out. 
 

Hopefully all goes well. 

[Memento1]

Same.  I like when people accept it casually and treat me no differently.

[Karret]

idk exactly what she would prefer, but I like it when people just accept it without skipping a beat and don't make a big fuss about it.

 

I mean, if she wants to talk about it more or something, sure fine, but just being chill about it is cool. I did that for a friend who came out to me as gay, and tbh, I don't even remember doing it because it was always such a nonissue for me, I genuinely didn't care [as in, it made no difference to me how he identified because he was still my friend and him being gay wasn't gonna change that], but apparently that meant a lot to him, so in hindsight, I'm glad I was able to give him a reaction like that.

[Emma11]

Thank you all for advice, it is a nonissue to me too, I don't really care that she is asexual, but I know she does and I want to give her a good reaction. One last question, is it ok to ask questions like: What does that mean to you? Are you also aromantic? or is that a question for another moment? I really care about her, no matter what, but maybe that's a nice thing to talk about after coming out? Or should I just say that it doesn't make a difference to me, hug her and go on with our lives?

[Hans.OLeary]

Personally I am quite struggling with my asexuality so it often occurs that I feel like an alien. Therefore I would want people not to treat me different than before, because otherwise it would strengthen these negative thoughts. Just hug her, tell her it is completly fine and I think it will be good

 

[PenultimateSandwich]

When I "came out" to my friends, they all said that it made total sense to them. That was a relief, because I knew they really were my friends. Some asked questions but the questions were never "are you sure?" and more like "could you explain?". I appreciated when people had queries rather than judgement. So, like everyone else suggested, thank your friend for their trust in you and then, if you want, ask about their experience and how you can best be an ally.

[Emma11]

Thank you all for your time and advices! I really appreciate it!

[idratherhavecake38]

19 hours ago, Emma11 said:

One last question, is it ok to ask questions like: What does that mean to you? Are you also aromantic? or is that a question for another moment? I really care about her, no matter what, but maybe that's a nice thing to talk about after coming out? Or should I just say that it doesn't make a difference to me, hug her and go on with our lives?

Asking her if she's aromantic would definitely be an appropriate question. Asking "what does that mean to you" is kind of a strange question, though.

When someone comes out to you, your goal should be to validate and accept them. If you want to ask a couple of non-invasive questions (ie. are you aromantic, how long have you known) that's usually fine. But you should mainly be focusing on making sure that she knows that you accept her and love her no matter what.