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relating to songs is so HARD


bombomdoce

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I love listening to music, discovering new artists and songs. However, it's so frustrating not being able to relate to almost every single song people around me listen to because they all are about sex and/or romantic relationships. Actually, it's hard to relate even to the songs I usually listen to 😥

 

I like energetic songs and instrumentals but, recently, I started to enjoy A LOT emocore because the songs are about mental health too and not only romantic relationships.

 

How do you guys feel about this? (And if you want to recommend some songs, I would be very happy!)

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Ye I listen to a lot of rap and I thought them talking about sex was about acting cool, not that they actually really want to do it, but I still like the beats and the flow. Sometimes I just can't relate to modern music and I end up listening to Blackmill, Opera, Jazz or classical. I'm listening to this album atm:

 

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Gah, I feel the same! I tried to make a playlist with no songs about love, but even songs about objects somehow mention romantic love. As for recommendations, Emily Reo doesn't have any love songs. The Talking Heads don't have very many either.

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I sadly don't have any songs to recommend right now, but I think this is an interesting topic! I used to feel pretty bummed about not being able to relate to songs too. Now I just try to appreciate how the author is trying to convey their emotions.

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everywhere and nowhere

I'm pretty much done with mainstream music. There are some songs I like, but they are just not atmospheric enough for me to enjoy them much. But I can relate to your problem a lot, certainly one of the most important reasons why I don't enjoy mainstream music is its "one-track-mindedness" (or "monothematicity", to translate the Polish word literally).

I prefer two kinds of music:

1. Ethnic music (including "neo-ethnic", based on traditional motifs, but recorded by contemporary Western artists) - which is very often instrumental anyway, and when it isn't, it may have, for example, lyrics about spiritual reality and cosmic love (example: Lamp of the Universe). ;)

2. Psychedelic rock, which has many topics, but one is commo, much more than in any other kind of music: psychedelic drug use. ;) So certainly it too means a slightly reduced risk of stumbling upon sexual stuff, compared to mainstream pop and rock. ;) It's a long story for me - I'm 39 years old now, and experiencing a psychedelic fascination since I was 12 years old... but I first tried a psychedelic drug when I was 30 years old. And really, I waited so long for many reasons, including plain fear... but I felt that I could die of yearning. So I spent over a decade collecting albums and desperately trying to grab this trace of of an altered state of mind coded within them...

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I mostly listen to electronica. Long meandering instrumentals. Tangerine Dream is a favourite.

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Probably not quite the same for me as I am kind of a hopeless romantic, but I do sometimes have the same trouble relating to songs that have to do with sex. Luckily a lot of the ones I listen to use euphemistic or vague phrases, so I usually just imagine they're referring to something else even though I know that's not the intention. You might be able to do a similar thing imagining romance songs are about platonic friendship? I don't know how many songs that would work with, but I know when I was a lot younger I always interpreted the song Ocean Avenue (Yellowcard) as being about friendship. Probably because romance wasn't on my mind at the time and the lyrics were vague enough that it seemed to make sense that way. I can't think of any other songs I could think of that way specifically, but I'm sure there probably are more out there.

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Chasing Clouds- Bad Computer and Danyka Nadeau

Elevator - Bobrachet

Gold - Koven

Like You - fusq

 

try those

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Blue eyes white dragon

I can relate to songs about romance if they are unique and deep. I will listen to songs that are about sex if I find them catchy and interesting. Usually the songs I relate to are about dealing with hard times and standing up types one I guess? Not sure how to describe it. I listened to a lot of Alternative Rock and Vocaloids (soundtracks and edm too but not as much)

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I got into metal at a fairly early age [around 12-13] , so I could relate to the misanthropy in songs like this a lot....

Spoiler

 

 

the sex and romance songs just had good melodies....

Here's a great one though~

Spoiler

 

 

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I'm not a big music person, but my fail safe is songs in other languages if I ever want to pretend to relate to the music.

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4 hours ago, Marinette Agreste said:

I can relate to songs about romance if they are unique and deep. I will listen to songs that are about sex if I find them catchy and interesting.

This is how I feel, too. Almost all of Mitski's songs are about relationships and love and heartbreak, which are normally topics that bore me musically, but she weaves those stories in such deeply personal, jarring, and even discomfiting ways that I can't help but be transfixed by them.

 

The power of good songwriting is pretty transformative -- even the most cliched subjects can be infused with a new magic.

 

That being said, I also listen to a lot of ambient and instrumental music too. Steven Wilson is one of my all-time favorite musicians, and he's exceptional at this -- his music is filled with long, winding sonic passages that are emotional journeys in and of themselves.

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- Ace Of Spades -
On 1/4/2021 at 12:04 PM, bombomdoce said:

I love listening to music, discovering new artists and songs. However, it's so frustrating not being able to relate to almost every single song people around me listen to because they all are about sex and/or romantic relationships. Actually, it's hard to relate even to the songs I usually listen to 😥

 

That's funny you mention that because this song seems to specifically talk about this problem. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E43rlysYbl4

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I was just thinking about that the other day. I've been a musician for almost 11 years now, so I usually focus on the musical side of a song rather than the lyrical side (maybe a unique background instrumental part or an interesting vocal lick). Sometimes I interpret the lyrics in a friendship/platonic way and other times I just imagine some random couple lol. A few of the artists I listen to have written a couple songs about loss, perseverance, etc, which are a nice change of pace.

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I can so relate to this problem of not being able to relate! My general tactic is to find songs that are intriguing and beautiful for other reasons, or if they must talk about love and/or sex, at least if they are more creative with it. There are some songs about love that don't have to be about romantic love, for example it could instead be seen as being about friendships, family, and so on. I do find myself searching out songs that don't have to do with romantic love, though I always seem to get mixed results. One of my favorite artists is Kate Bush, whose songs are about many other aspects of life in addition to love and/or sex.

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I'm not a fan of songs containing lyrical themes of sex especially (romance may be corny but at least not as awkward as sex). I generally favour the instrumental aspect over the lyrics in music anyway, just sometimes a song can become sufficiently/strongly pervaded with sexual content to be so distracting that I can't enjoy the track as much (which is unfortunate). But, not all genres nor even musicians within a genre include such subject matters, thankfully. Perhaps depending on your preference in style:

 

  • ambient music (seldom lyrics; dark ambient is an eerie, disturbing style, less likely to have sexual/romantic themes; black ambient has elements of black metal)
  • EDM (from house to trance to drum and bass to dubstep to gabber to hard dance to post-industrial to techno, etc.; many EDM genres can sometimes be instrumental or have lyrics about dancing/clubbing or various other topics, not always necessarily sexual in nature; many of the styles comprise of subgenres with such a variety of possible moods, from cheerful/light-hearted to mechanical/unfeeling to dark/negative, etc.)
  • experimental music (it's full of unexpected things.)
  • folk music (a very broad range of traditional music from any culture; some instrumental, some with lyrics that aren't always necessarily about romance nor sex; bonus if in another language you don't understand, then it wouldn't matter if you never knew whether a song incorporated awkward themes or not.)
  • goth music (from gothic rock to darkwave to deathrock to coldwave, some are not without romantic themes, but are typically in a dark manner, i.e. "romantic idealisation of death and the supernatural imagination" or overall themes of romanticism, morbidity, existentialism, supernatural mysticism, introspection, etc.)
  • jazz music (it can be instrumental.)
  • minimal synth (classic synthesizers stripped down, raw, and with cold/detached vocals; a variety of unexpected lyrical themes, so seldom anything romantic/sexual.)
  • heavy metal (from black to death to folk to gothic to industrial to thrash, etc.; granted, some subgenres/fusions and bands will have romantic or sexual themes lyrically, but not all, and likely in a completely different manner than such is presented in mainstream music ["lyrical themes...often used as weapons of shock value towards the mainstream music culture, often emphasizing dark and depressing subjects"]; topics may encompass anti-religion, death, nihilism, despair, tragedy, violence, nature, folklore, mythology, introspection...)

These are only based off of my own experiences, but there's plenty more to explore musically than what was provided above; those are just some examples of what I've found as some genres that don't necessarily comprise of mainstream lyrical subject matters.

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Thanks to everybody who is replying here 💜 It's very cool to see that more people have this feeling about music (and I'm really listening to every single recommendation)

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I have the same issue much of the time, I can't relate to lyrics about sex/deep relationships, although I do like certain "romantic" songs. 
Personally I tend to enjoy gothic and metal music since the lyrics are more varied and unique than anything you'd hear on the radio. 

Here are a few of my top personal favorites. I have some pretty extensive playlists if you'd like anymore suggestions! 

The Undertaker - Accept
https://youtu.be/DQy6npwdwsY

Welcome to Darkness - Anders Manga
Anders Manga - Welcome The Darkness - YouTube

Strange People Doing Strange Things - Powerman 5000
https://youtu.be/_zGzo-rUFEs

Scaretale- Nightwish
https://youtu.be/6O8ASywKSC8

Not My Type - Motionless in White (This one's kinda sexual, but in a catchy alternative necro way, lol) 
https://youtu.be/w6deuL0DZVo

 

 

 

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I experience the same trouble relating to lyrics. Maybe that's one of the reasons I really only enjoy instrumental music. Some songs are okay when the voices are beautiful. I guess (Katherine Jenkins 💜), but I tend to see it as just another instrument and I barely register what the lyrics say. In fact, I have a very hard time undestading words when they are sung, maybe because I decided to block them since I was little because I didn't care about the frequently romantic content.

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OH MY GOD I’ve never felt so seen in my life. I feel the exact same way and it’s driving me crazy!!! Please someone respond to this post so I can converse more about this because it literally feels like a gas vent was just opened in my soul. I have three housemates who like to play music, which is cool and their taste is similar to mine. However, every single song is about sex or romantic relationships in some way. For example, when WAP came out they were all very obsessed with it and that’s fine, but I got nothing out of it. The fact that they were so into it kind of made me even a little sad because I felt isolated and abnormal, like there was something wrong with me. 
On top of that, I’m a people-pleaser by nature and I feel super awkward playing my music out loud and requesting songs is hard because I only listen to French songs (partly because I’m learning French and because I can’t understand the lyrics about sex and romance well 😅). I wish I could tell them all how I feel, but I wonder how they would treat this part of me if I risked giving it to them. 

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12 hours ago, Masterman said:

I experience the same trouble relating to lyrics. Maybe that's one of the reasons I really only enjoy instrumental music. Some songs are okay when the voices are beautiful. I guess (Katherine Jenkins 💜), but I tend to see it as just another instrument and I barely register what the lyrics say. In fact, I have a very hard time undestading words when they are sung, maybe because I decided to block them since I was little because I didn't care about the frequently romantic content.

👏🏼Katherine Jenkins 👏🏼 She did a song for Doctor Who didn’t she? 

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On 1/7/2021 at 11:02 PM, an~imperial~votress said:

I can so relate to this problem of not being able to relate! My general tactic is to find songs that are intriguing and beautiful for other reasons, or if they must talk about love and/or sex, at least if they are more creative with it. There are some songs about love that don't have to be about romantic love, for example it could instead be seen as being about friendships, family, and so on. I do find myself searching out songs that don't have to do with romantic love, though I always seem to get mixed results. One of my favorite artists is Kate Bush, whose songs are about many other aspects of life in addition to love and/or sex.

Haha, my friends and I discovered Kate Bush last summer and we kept getting Wuthering Heights stuck in our heads! It’s so good! Even now just thinking about the melody, it’s really a piece of art. We were also partial to Babushka (ya ya 😂

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I definitely feel you on this. I love music, so it makes me sad sometimes that the medium that is supposed to make me feel happy and at home is always about things that are alien to me. Sometimes, However, that is why I write some of my own music and interpret songs in my own way. When they are not explicit, I internally make the love songs I'm hearing about my friends or family.  I am into older music (Jazz, soul, classical, old rock and roll, etc), so the music I like is less obviously sexual, which can help. There are also at least some good tunes that are just about emotions the artist is feeling (general feelings of happiness, sadness, anger, love), which I always feel like anyone can relate to.

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I dislike a majority of mainstream music (and movies for that matter) because of this. I tend to relate more to songs about mental health. I guess I don’t mind songs about romance if the lyrics are unique or deep, but I pretty much dislike any songs about sex. I hear the lyrics and I’m instantly irritated.

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11 hours ago, LesMeufs18 said:

👏🏼Katherine Jenkins 👏🏼 She did a song for Doctor Who didn’t she? 

Oh, yes, it's true, she did! But she's more known as an opera singer.

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6 hours ago, Masterman said:

Oh, yes, it's true, she did! But she's more known as an opera singer.

She’s so good!! Her voice is literally flawless. I love The Flower Duet she sings, so beautiful. 

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19 hours ago, LesMeufs18 said:

Please someone respond to this post so I can converse more about this because it literally feels like a gas vent was just opened in my soul. I have three housemates who like to play music, which is cool and their taste is similar to mine. However, every single song is about sex or romantic relationships in some way. For example, when WAP came out they were all very obsessed with it and that’s fine, but I got nothing out of it. The fact that they were so into it kind of made me even a little sad because I felt isolated and abnormal, like there was something wrong with me. 
On top of that, I’m a people-pleaser by nature and I feel super awkward playing my music out loud and requesting songs is hard because I only listen to French songs (partly because I’m learning French and because I can’t understand the lyrics about sex and romance well 😅).

I have I friend we listen to music together whenever we get to have a visit because we both like a certain kind of song, but then she dips more in one direction (stuff about love and relationships), and I dip more into... whatever I can scrounge up of the other direction. So I like everything besides the lyrics of "her" songs, while "my" songs are a little too wild or weird for her, I think, because they're about all sorts of random things (houses, kites, witch burnings, oh my!). Around other people I am kind of awkward about playing songs I like, for that reason and because I feel my kind of music is so specific and I can't listen to a song just because of how it sounds; I generally won't listen to any song until it's passed a trial stage of my learning it and making sure I like it. I don't like nasty surprises from a song I think I like that turns out to be about their loving (person) or breaking up with (person) or something. (Unless it still has something else going for it, like Notget by Björk which is also about immortality and the fear of death, or Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine which is also an intriguing other level of experiencing time and space.) Because I am so specific about music my range of songs expands very slowly, so I am also uncomfortable sharing music when I don't have as much variety as other people might.

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2 hours ago, an~imperial~votress said:

I have I friend we listen to music together whenever we get to have a visit because we both like a certain kind of song, but then she dips more in one direction (stuff about love and relationships), and I dip more into... whatever I can scrounge up of the other direction. So I like everything besides the lyrics of "her" songs, while "my" songs are a little too wild or weird for her, I think, because they're about all sorts of random things (houses, kites, witch burnings, oh my!). Around other people I am kind of awkward about playing songs I like, for that reason and because I feel my kind of music is so specific and I can't listen to a song just because of how it sounds; I generally won't listen to any song until it's passed a trial stage of my learning it and making sure I like it. I don't like nasty surprises from a song I think I like that turns out to be about their loving (person) or breaking up with (person) or something. (Unless it still has something else going for it, like Notget by Björk which is also about immortality and the fear of death, or Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine which is also an intriguing other level of experiencing time and space.) Because I am so specific about music my range of songs expands very slowly, so I am also uncomfortable sharing music when I don't have as much variety as other people might.

What the genre of music you tend to listen to? I’d love to have some recommendations cause I feel like my playlist has been getting stale lately. 

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10 minutes ago, LesMeufs18 said:

What the genre of music you tend to listen to? I’d love to have some recommendations cause I feel like my playlist has been getting stale lately. 

I'm not entirely sure what the genre would be called, but some artists I've been listening to a lot lately are Björk, Kate Bush, Loreena McKennitt, Florence And The Machine, and Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac. I've already recommended Kate Bush on this thread for songs with more going on besides love songs, more about observations about the world at large. Some songs of hers discussing some aspect of romantic love are more from the perspective of an observer or don't take it so seriously and are somewhat poking fun at it. Some of these artists do have a lot of love song-type songs, but at least their approach is more unusual and beautiful, in my own opinion. The Loreena McKennit CD I've been listening to lately, The Mask And Mirror, explores ideas of belief, truth, illusion, and wonder more than any other subject. (Björk and Kate Bush in particular come across as a bit much to some people, but I don't know how much of an acquired taste they actually are, you tell me 🤷‍♀️)

 

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