Alejandrogynous Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 The title change when my page refreshed made me laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Ever since starting therapy 8 years ago, I’ve been okay with having both male and female friends both online and off. It’s romantic relationships that I myself am not fully and wholly ready for, finding it too much for me personally. But some male friends do want more with me and can’t accept that I’m an asexual aromantic personally or don’t understand it at all after I’ve explained it to them extensively. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: Could you consider putting all of these thoughts in one thread? It seems you're making separate threads for every single thought you have on the topic of sex/sexuality. And many of them are coming off as a bit elitist, regardless of your intention. I'm sorry for the traumatic experiences you've been through, as I said in one of your threads last night. Truly. What happened isn't ok. Do you have someone you can talk to or something you can do to distract you -- as in, right now? Because perhaps stepping away from AVEN for a bit wouldn't be a bad idea. Yep sorry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 For me personally, I think even kissing and touching can be viewed as sexual intimacy even maybe romantic. To you personally, how do you separate romance and sex? Truly curious to know about it. I guess to each their own, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 6 hours ago, Homer said: I like having a handful of strong friendships. Those are severely underrated, which is emphasised by the phrase "more than friendship". Can't say anything about sex other than given my subpar fine motor skills, I'd probably be terrible at it Romance is downright repulsive though. That helps explain why you're such a big fan of Al Bundy, and suggests that you too tend to miss the toilet in the dark. Hm, there's another consideration for future Halloweens; all I would need is a blue shirt, brown trousers with one hand in them at all times, a necktie, a remote control to hold onto (have plenty of those) and a replica of his best socks as seen in All-Nite Security Dude. 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 You're making so many threads. 😮 Only kissing with tongue feels sexual to me. Otherwise it's nice and loving. I love kissing softly and being and feeling close to someone. I don't care for sex, which to me means rubbing genitals repeatedly, or other things involving them, but I love caressing someone's body affectionately otherwise. I think it's only sexual if it gets to sexual stimulation or over indulging in sloppy stuff, lol. That's just how I feel about it at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 1 minute ago, Sarah-Sylvia said: You're making so many threads. 😮 Only kissing with tongue feels sexual to me. Otherwise it's nice and loving. I love kissing softly and being and feeling close to someone. I don't care for sex, which to me means rubbing genitals repeatedly, or other things involving them, but I love caressing someone's body affectionately. I think it's only sexual if it gets to sexual stimulation or over indulging in sloppy stuff, lol. That's just how I feel about it at least. Sorry about that, I have OCD. Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 I know. Some people are just assholes. Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 My personal definition is that anything involving contact with my breasts, either by groping them or touching them in other ways, is sexual. Also digital or oral or PIV stimulation of my genitals is sex. Was that TMI? I'm sorry. But that, for me, is a good, workable, definition of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Phalena Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 40 minutes ago, Naiwen said: Ever since starting therapy 8 years ago, I’ve been okay with having both male and female friends both online and off. It’s romantic relationships that I myself am not fully and wholly ready for, finding it too much for me personally. But some male friends do want more with me and can’t accept that I’m an asexual aromantic personally or don’t understand it at all after I’ve explained it to them extensively. If they don't care about the way you feel then they would be an awful match, anyway. You really don't need to waste your time with people who believe that they "figured you out" and "know" you better than you do yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Personally I'd consider any stimulation of the genitals to be sexual activity. Other things can be sexual but do not have to be. It depends upon the individual, for me kissing on the lips (with or without tongues) is deeply intimate but not inherently sexual for other people that may be different. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Because I’m deeply narcissistic, egocentric and completely self-absorbed, I consider personally any attention on me unwanted and personal space invading. It just disturbs me in general to the point that I don’t even interact with others even outside the house. As for sexual harassment, it’s after I say no or something along those lines, and the man persists, it’s sexual harassment for me impo. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 I consider anything which is done with the intention of causing sexual arousal and/or orgasm is sexual. This can include things which most people may not consider even remotely sexual, it depends entirely on the person and the context. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 If anyone harasses or disturbs you online, block them, and don't give them another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 For me (I'm sexual) I have no clear boundary between romance and sex. To me its just a continuum of mental and physical closeness, with no particular boundaries. An ideal relationship for me would proceed smoothly from chatting over coffee, to romantic dinners and good night kisses, to enthusiastic sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 3 hours ago, Skycaptain said: I'm quite happy with how I phrased this. If you read my post, and others on forum, I have openly stated that I was quite happy to identify as aroace, something changed. I'm trying to point out that people should not tie themselves to a label I'm not saying it isn't true for you and your story. I'm saying how you phrased it sounds like you saying it's true for everyone. If you read what I wrote again I said that I disagree that it is necessarily true for everyone. While I agree one shouldn't "tie themselves to a label," I do think labels can be helpful for many reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 3 hours ago, Naiwen said: As for me, I’m really my happiest on my own and by myself only, I can’t stand being with others at all. And since I have Asperger’s, psychosis and paranoia, I don’t even enjoy other’s company at all. Thence why I “WILL NOT” be in a relationship with anyone because I’m completely and totally happy on my own really personally. And I feel any relationship not only romantic tedious, tiring, melodramatic and stressful enough for me to keep up with myself. I don't think it's worth limiting oneself because of issues or conditions. I have anxiety disorder and because of it it makes it that I'm happier alone when I feel anxious, but that doesn't mean it's how I'm at my best. Social connections expand someone's world, as well as world of emotions. It's good to be able to be happy on one's own, but it shouldn't be a limit. We can always expand beyond how we are to become even more. Some things can take long to get better though, so it's good to not have expectations or dependency on certain things to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Naiwen Posted November 3, 2020 Author Share Posted November 3, 2020 Since I’m completely desensitized to any human feelings at all personally, I myself think it’s perfectly normal to be an asexual aromantic, no? That’s how I’m coping anyways impo with my many mental and physical health issues, by being completely and fully desensitized to feelings and emotions. I just can’t feel anything for anyone at all other than myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Aromantic people are not desensitized to human feelings 😮 I hope you have a good therapist. Everyone deserves to feel a wholer plathora of feeling human. Link to post Share on other sites
stalwart Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Hi stranger! It's okay to not have the bandwidth/energy/capacity for feelings because you're coping with a fuckton of other stuff, it doesn't make you "broken" or a bad person...but you deserve to be in a better place than it sounds like you are. If it's possible, I really hope you can find some form of therapy or counseling that helps you carry the weight of everything. As to the ace/aro label—I'm of the school of thought that if a label is useful to you, it's a-okay to use it. You're not signing a contract to eternally identify in this way, but you don't have to think of it as somehow temporary or fake either. Identifying as aroace is valid regardless of your physical/mental health. Go forth and have aroace adventures Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 6 hours ago, DarkGloomSquid said: Can I ask what is the point of this thread and the reason for being in sex talk rather than ranting about asexuality? All ace talking points boil down to "sex bad" while other aces try to simultaneously save face to make it seem like we're more than immature dimwits. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 6 hours ago, Naiwen said: Oops, I just wanted to rant about sex. why do you want to spend time talking about something that is disgusting to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Following Through Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 I, myself have had my fair share of emotional extremes & it has left me feeling emotionally ‘calloused’. Looking forward, I think it’s like a skin callous & will fade in time. I agree that aroace seems to be an appropriate identification while in this headspace. Good luck sorting this out. 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 I would say if you're not feeling anything toward anyone at all, that's something that goes beyond the scope of asexuality/aromanticism. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Sex-repulsion is far from uncommon, particularly amongst members of sites like this. @Naiwen, there are definitely other members who hold the same opinion as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 2 hours ago, CBC said: That doesn't sound healthy. Having emotions is a pretty fundamental part of life. Careful! You might be promoting "allonormativity", you bigot! Not every needs to have basic human emotions and social functioning and to suggest that anything is their problem is 0PPRESIVE1!1!+00101 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 19 minutes ago, AceWing said: Careful! You might be promoting "allonormativity", you bigot! Not every needs to have basic human emotions and social functioning and to suggest that anything is their problem is 0PPRESIVE1!1!+00101 I know you're probably joking, but careful cuz it's hard to tell online 😜 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 29 minutes ago, Skycaptain said: Sex-repulsion is far from uncommon, particularly amongst members of sites like this. @Naiwen, there are definitely other members who hold the same opinion as you. It's not an opinion, it's a personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 14 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said: It's not an opinion, it's a personal experience. But wouldn't one say like 'chocolate cake is disgusting in my opinion' .. Even though it's their experience that chocolate cake is disgusting, it's still phrased as an opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 5 minutes ago, PanFicto. said: But wouldn't one say like 'chocolate cake is disgusting in my opinion' .. Even though it's their experience that chocolate cake is disgusting, it's still phrased as an opinion You can phrase it as an opinion, but that doesn't mean it's good to do Chocolate cake is clearly not disgusting. I think when it's pretty much accepted that something is a matter of personal tastes, it makes no sense to say it as a matter of fact or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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