DrMartens Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 Hi I very recently read about asexuality on wikipedia for the first time and it all sounded very familiar. I'd probably have described myself as a singleton previously but the definition of asexuality fits me 100%. I'm a 48 year old man and I can't remember ever feeling sexual attraction to a woman (although I am straight). During school years my mates definitely started being interested in girls and all I got was a vague sense of anxiety about not being interested. Maybe it would come, but over the next 5 years of college and university not a single girl caught my eye and assumed for years there was something wrong with me! . And then another 20 years went by. Lol. Very occassionally someone would ask me to go out with them and I probably had 6 or 7 short term, kind of part time girlfriends but never got married or even lived with anyone and I can't think of a single time when I initiated things. I totally like girls and have always had close female friends but never felt that sexual attraction thing (I even googled it after reading wikipedia - still clueless!!!). So thanks to wikipedia and aven I now have a much better understanding of what the hell is going on, thanks guys. There's only one problem though, which is that I do like sex, on the very very rare occasions it happens and I do like intimacy and being close to someone, even though I can (and usually do) live without it. So it sounds pretty weird to think of myself as asexual??? Originally thought it may be due to confidence/self esteem issues but don't think thats right, more accurate to say I've never been interested. But that doesn't sound right either. Weird & confusing!!! And I don't know what to do next. Been completely single now for 10 years. Is it even fair to get with someone new if you know in advance that it can't work out?? Or should I just get a puppy??? Any tips would be very much appreciated. And thanks for listening😊 Peace out. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 I’ve got 10 years on you. I considered myself straight and noticed a few girls (posted in another thread about the five memorable ones over the years) but never felt a desire to strip naked with them. Honestly I never thought that sex was something innate and spontaneous. Just assumed it was something you just decided to do like you would making coffee or taking out the trash. I was quite surprised when I found out about asexuality and how I pretty much fit the profile of heteroromantic asexual. Would have saved me many years of frustration had I known earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 42 minutes ago, DrMartens said: There's only one problem though, which is that I do like sex, on the very very rare occasions it happens and I do like intimacy and being close to someone, even though I can (and usually do) live without it. So it sounds pretty weird to think of myself as asexual??? There are such people as sex-favorable aces. These people are asexual because they don't desire sex nor do they actively seek it out, but they can enjoy it when it does happen, which is usually for the same reasons you said you like sex, such as the intimacy, pleasing one's partner, and being close to them. So based on everything you've said, there's nothing disqualifying you from being asexual. Also, you don't necessarily know that trying to get into a relationship won't work. It is possible to find an asexual, or to reach a compromise with a sexual partner that works for both of you. The biggest thing is that it's best to communicate this from the beginning. Best of luck and welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted December 31, 2020 Share Posted December 31, 2020 Yes, welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Antique Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 On 12/31/2020 at 9:31 AM, Techie said: Honestly I never thought that sex was something innate and spontaneous. Just assumed it was something you just decided to do like you would making coffee or taking out the trash. I was quite surprised when I found out about asexuality and how I pretty much fir the profile of heteroromantic asexual. Would have saved me many years of frustration had I known earlier. Understand completely. No wonder so many people thought there was something wrong with me, I no longer feel badly about being the "ice queen". Can't help but wonder how much healthier my mental/emotional status might be if I'd known what I do now 50 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
DrMartens Posted January 3, 2021 Author Share Posted January 3, 2021 Thanks for the response and the welcome guys and girls, it's nice to get some feedback. So Techie hope you're good with your 20 years out of the game and enjoying the chilled life. And to Ventura, thanks for the all the information and support, I'm still not sure what to do next but will keep checking in to the site from time to time and try to read up on things as much as i can. To Alto, thanks for the welcome and all the best to you and Antique. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 Hey DrMartens, you definitely can still be Asexual ☺️ Liking sex just means you might be a sex favourable ace. It also doesn’t mean you have to be sex favourable every time someone initiates stuff either ☺️ Anywho, welcome to big wide world of Ace !💜🤍🖤 Link to post Share on other sites
..blenderized.. Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 On 12/31/2020 at 9:31 AM, Techie said: I’ve got 10 years on you. I considered myself straight and noticed a few girls (posted in another thread about the five memorable ones over the years) but never felt a desire to strip naked with them. Honestly I never thought that sex was something innate and spontaneous. Just assumed it was something you just decided to do like you would making coffee or taking out the trash. I was quite surprised when I found out about asexuality and how I pretty much fit the profile of heteroromantic asexual. Would have saved me many years of frustration had I known earlier. aha! 😆 That is SO perfect.. 'coffee or trash'.... that's what I always thought, too! (and would rather be doing those things hehe) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.