changes in the (a)sexual orientation - how rare is it?

[פלונית]

I guess there are some people who were once asexual but they dont anymore, or in the opisit direction or ather... do someone here knows how rare is it?

I am 16 and I never felt any sexual attraction to anyone, I feel exactly the same as I felt when I was younger. For now, I guess, I'm asexual, but is it something that can change? I mean, are people that develop late are common in a lower, higher or similar rate than real asexuals?

And also I would like if people who know more about the subject of change in sexual orientation (generaly, not only in relation to asexuals or age or what I said) can link to relevant articles or something else or say what they know. I know I sound like a conversion therapy😅 but I just realy curious.

[RoseGoesToYale]

I don't think it "changes" in the sense of like a light switch flipping, but as people learn more about themselves over time, they get a better idea of what their sexual orientation is. There are people who just know and never wind up questioning. It's a different process for everyone. The important thing is not pressuring yourself to fit into one orientation or another, and to be open and honest with yourself.

 

Welcome to AVEN! 

[Homer]

27 minutes ago, CBC said:

Usually it's a case of people realising they weren't actually asexual.

Given from what I've heard, it's either that ^ or just plain lack of awareness. "Oh I'm bi, I didn't know that.", something in that ballpark. I wouldn't think of that as a "change". 

[auntjessie]

I think it's important to note that sexual orientation can change. If you call yourself something today, it doesn't mean you're saddled with it forever. That's a huge misconception people - in general - have. Someone can be straight most of their life, but then they fall in love with a member of the same sex. Does that mean they're gay or lesbian now? People put pressure on us to be one thing forever because if we change that means they have to do the work to remember what we are.

 

In my opinion, it's the person - you - who gets to tell people what you are. You can believe you're asexual for a long time and then years down the road, you can come to discover that you're pansexual or heterosexual. I feel we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to labels. 

 

I didn't discover I was asexual until my early thirties. In all the years prior to that I didn't know what to call myself. I didn't feel heterosexual and I didn't feel like a lesbian or bisexual. I just knew I didn't find anyone sexually attractive and it took me 30 years to find the term. I'm confident that I'll be asexual for the rest of my life, but who knows???

 

I would suggest don't get hung up on the label. If you're feel confident that you're asexual as of this moment, tell people. Or don't. Your orientation is your business. If down the road you come to discover you're something else and are confident in that decision, change it. Labels aren't superglued to us. They're ever-changing, just like us.

 

Hope this helps and welcome to AVEN.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, CBC said:

Usually it's a case of people realising they weren't actually asexual. Maybe they had issues they had to work through, maybe they had negative experiences, maybe they were young and just a late bloomer, maybe (clichéd as it sounds) they just hadn't met the right person. Obviously I'm not trying to say asexuality isn't a real thing... many people identify that way and continue to do so... but realising you're actually sexual certainly happens.

 

16 may be too young for you to be certain, yeah. You might turn out to be asexual and you might change and grow as you mature and have more life experience. All you can really do is keep an open mind and don't get stuck on a label.

Yeah. This. 

 

Most people I got to know on AVEN stopped IDing as asexual once they found a stable, healthy relationship without sexual pressure that let them explore and connect naturally. A good connection with someone you love can bring about the realization you aren't ace after all. It has for the five couples I know from AVEN who ID'd as ace before. 

 

 

However... some are asexual, rather than just need to take it slower than modern culture finds common. And those get into their 50s, 60s, 70s or later and never develop sexual attraction/desire. 

 

So. At 16 yeah it may change. For me, I realized I'm not ace at 30 when I found my wife and had a pressure free environment to grow in, rather than lets have sex after a few dates kinda thing. For the other couples I know, it happened in their 20s to 30s. But it also may not. Never know, honestly. 

[PrimeJelly]

1 hour ago, Homer said:

Given from what I've heard, it's either that ^ or just plain lack of awareness. "Oh I'm bi, I didn't know that.", something in that ballpark. I wouldn't think of that as a "change". 

Yes I thought I was straight since thats the default orientation for the longest time then I couldn't ignore my attraction to women so I just naturally changed to being bisexual. Then I learned about asexuality and am confident now being a bi ace. It's not about "changing" who you are but about the process of learning and discovering romantic/sexual orientations that fit with your own experiences.

 

Since you are 16, it is still early to say definitely if you are ace or not. But maybe you truly are ace and stay that way forever or decide you are something else later on, which is perfectly fine either way! Also you aren't "betraying" anyone so don't worry if you ever feel like you are later on! 🤭

[R_1]

10 hours ago, CBC said:

16 may be too young for you to be certain, yeah.

That's when my sexuality just went away. Other explanations don't fit.

 

For the OP: Massive changes are very rare.

[erichamion]

If you're asking about orientations changing, there are at least 3 separate questions there. Can a person's understanding of their own orientation change over time? Can a person's actual orientation change? Can a person's orientation be changed intentionally?

 

To start with the last question: No, an orientation generally can't be changed through intentional efforts, and attempts to do so are demonstrably harmful. Here is one analysis of the existing research on that topic.

 

Can a person's actual orientation change on its own? Probably, but that's a very rare occurrence and not to be expected. (I suppose one could take the view that everybody is born ace, and most people change from ace to their final orientation at some point after starting puberty. Under that perspective, changing orientations once would be very common, but a second change or a change late in life would be very rare.)

 

Can a person's self-identification and understanding of their orientation change? As others have pointed out, absolutely. Many lgbt people previously identified as a different orientation before coming to their current understanding of themselves. For the ace community specifically, the 2018 Asexual Community Survey (on page 33) about orientations that respondents ever (currently or in the past) identified with. Just looking at those who answered Asexual (85.2%) and Bisexual (40.5%), there's clearly a lot of overlap. And since those particular orientations should generally be mutually exclusive, that's a pretty clear indication that people have shifted from one identity to another. At least 1/4 of the respondents either moved from bi to ace or from ace to bi. (The overlap is even greater when looking at Straight (62.4%), but I don't know how much to rely on ace and straight being mutually exclusive. Possibly a significant number of respondents identified as both at the same time)

[Karst]

On 1/1/2021 at 3:09 PM, ER2742 said:

Can a person's self-identification and understanding of their orientation change? As others have pointed out, absolutely. Many lgbt people previously identified as a different orientation before coming to their current understanding of themselves. For the ace community specifically, the 2018 Asexual Community Survey (on page 33) about orientations that respondents ever (currently or in the past) identified with. Just looking at those who answered Asexual (85.2%) and Bisexual (40.5%), there's clearly a lot of overlap. And since those particular orientations should generally be mutually exclusive, that's a pretty clear indication that people have shifted from one identity to another. At least 1/4 of the respondents either moved from bi to ace or from ace to bi. (The overlap is even greater when looking at Straight (62.4%), but I don't know how much to rely on ace and straight being mutually exclusive. Possibly a significant number of respondents identified as both at the same time)

I wonder why that change is particularly common.

[Morays]

5 minutes ago, Karst said:

I wonder why that change is particularly common.

From what I've heard, it's pretty common to assume that if one is equally disinterested in all genders, one therefore must be bi.

 

I've seen a number of ace folks here who went through that thought process before discovering asexuality.

[eeza17]

On 12/31/2020 at 8:05 AM, פלונית said:

I guess there are some people who were once asexual but they dont anymore, or in the opisit direction or ather... do someone here knows how rare is it?

I am 16 and I never felt any sexual attraction to anyone, I feel exactly the same as I felt when I was younger. For now, I guess, I'm asexual, but is it something that can change? I mean, are people that develop late are common in a lower, higher or similar rate than real asexuals?

And also I would like if people who know more about the subject of change in sexual orientation (generaly, not only in relation to asexuals or age or what I said) can link to relevant articles or something else or say what they know. I know I sound like a conversion therapy😅 but I just realy curious.

Like others said, it's most commonly people who don't fully understand themselves who would type as one thing then change. That's why I prefer to say "I currently identify as X, that's what makes me most happy and understood." That leaves room for growth and change. 

 

Also, remember that sex positive aces exist; you might not experience sexual attraction, but you might desire such a relationship. 

 

Sidenote, belated welcome to AVEN! I'm 17, and (presumptuous of me, but I'd assume from your Hebrew that you're also Jewish) Jewish as well. HMU if you ever want/need to talk : ))

[hotgirlbummer]

On 12/31/2020 at 9:42 AM, auntjessie said:

I think it's important to note that sexual orientation can change. If you call yourself something today, it doesn't mean you're saddled with it forever. That's a huge misconception people - in general - have. Someone can be straight most of their life, but then they fall in love with a member of the same sex. Does that mean they're gay or lesbian now? People put pressure on us to be one thing forever because if we change that means they have to do the work to remember what we are.

 

In my opinion, it's the person - you - who gets to tell people what you are. You can believe you're asexual for a long time and then years down the road, you can come to discover that you're pansexual or heterosexual. I feel we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to labels. 

 

I didn't discover I was asexual until my early thirties. In all the years prior to that I didn't know what to call myself. I didn't feel heterosexual and I didn't feel like a lesbian or bisexual. I just knew I didn't find anyone sexually attractive and it took me 30 years to find the term. I'm confident that I'll be asexual for the rest of my life, but who knows???

 

I would suggest don't get hung up on the label. If you're feel confident that you're asexual as of this moment, tell people. Or don't. Your orientation is your business. If down the road you come to discover you're something else and are confident in that decision, change it. Labels aren't superglued to us. They're ever-changing, just like us.

 

Hope this helps and welcome to AVEN.

Thanks for this! My experience with my sexuality is that it has been fluid, and I'm learning more about myself as I grow (and I'm 29). No one else can tell you who you are, especially as a young person in their teens figuring things out.