[TMI THREAD]I NEED ADVICE ABOUT INTIMATE RELATIONS????

[Sherlocks]

So it seems as you get older the more and more sex is required, more frequently and sooner in the relationship. In HS you could get away with hand holding and kissing and did not have to jump straight to relations. I have also been told in relationships that adults have intimate relations even if they have not dated for very long. I had one saying that after a couple of dates it was required for a normal relationship to work. So like is there a time limit on how soon you are suppose to have relations or how often? I am asking for a 

SEXUAL persons point of view as I can not base it on how I am. Since me even if I am say "In the mood" I am not going to ask others to fix it, but most of the time wont fix it myself either. I just ignore it till it goes away. Since I am no longer being horribly attacked by hormones as I was in the beginning of puberty I no longer have very strong urges. At least not strong enough where I need to take care of them right away. 

[Guest]

Normally within a few dates (3 or so) and average frequency depends on age - anywhere from twice a week to once a month (the younger, the more frequent). There are plenty of studies on this subject if you want to read research. 

 

But... tbh just ask whoever you date for their preferences. 

[Sherlocks]

On 12/25/2020 at 5:53 AM, Serran said:

Normally within a few dates (3 or so) and average frequency depends on age - anywhere from twice a week to once a month (the younger, the more frequent). There are plenty of studies on this subject if you want to read research. 

 

But... tbh just ask whoever you date for their preferences. 

So after 3 dates one is required to be having regular sex twice a week? I feel like thats a bit early to be doing something as serious as sex. I think I just might stop dating all together. Thank you for the information. 

[Libellule]

I know you asked for sexual people's opinions on this and I'm ace, so what I'm saying should probably be taken with a grain of salt, but you're not 'required' to have sex with anyone in any context ever.

I have plenty of sexual friends who think that 3 dates is way too early to have sex, and others who don't, and there's nothing wrong with either of that. People's preferences are different. Which is why it's so important to ask the person you consider dating about theirs.

 

 

[Memento1]

Who is "requiring" you to do anything?  There is no time limit, there is no dating police, you don't need to conform to what is average or get out of the pool.  It's YOUR dating life, you have an equal say to whoever you're dating as to when you both want to move ahead (or not).  As a child, if you refuse to conform to your family, they pretty much can make your life miserable.  As an adult, you have much more freedom to find the niche of people who are more in line with your thinking, or at least won't punish you for behaving differently.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, DeviousDex said:

So after 3 dates one is required to be having regular sex twice a week? I feel like thats a bit early to be doing something as serious as sex. I think I just might stop dating all together. Thank you for the information. 

No one is required to have sex at any point. That is just when the average person would likely expect it. However, people vary and some wait for marriage, some require "I love you" first, etc etc. 

[Lara Black]

On 12/27/2020 at 7:47 PM, Sherlocks said:

So after 3 dates one is required to be having regular sex twice a week? I feel like thats a bit early to be doing something as serious as sex. I think I just might stop dating all together. Thank you for the information. 

It is often expected if we're talking about the dating scene. That's why many people don't like dating - there are too many expectations. If you are friends first, no such rules apply.

[Sherlocks]

On 12/27/2020 at 9:12 AM, fairyofsuburbia said:

I know you asked for sexual people's opinions on this and I'm ace, so what I'm saying should probably be taken with a grain of salt, but you're not 'required' to have sex with anyone in any context ever.

I have plenty of sexual friends who think that 3 dates is way too early to have sex, and others who don't, and there's nothing wrong with either of that. People's preferences are different. Which is why it's so important to ask the person you consider dating about theirs.

 

 

It seems older I get the more sex and sooner it is required. I can try just dating Christians but I feel awkward at church and always end up being friends with some interesting crowds. So I not sure how many church goers would feel. I also don't really have faith anymore as I have grown up in terrible life situation and no angel or god ever helped me out of it. 

[uhtred]

There are no "requirements" and there is a very large amount of variation.  This is an asexual group and some asexuals are in relationships where they never have sex.  Some people will have sex within hours of  meeting someone and enjoy sex daily.

 

That all said, I think sex after a couple of dates is common.   If you are not comfortable with that, you can hint at that early on to avoid stress when your and the person you are dating have very different expectations.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a lot of sex, or none at all - but compatibility is essential for a happy relationship.