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Weird things you believed about sex and attraction before you knew about asexuals


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23 hours ago, cakeandcats said:

This is kind of an obvious one, but ‘hot’ for me always meant ‘wow how pretty/I love their hair’ rather than ‘I want to have sex with that person’. Same with ‘sexy’. I never got that people would want sex with people on TV.

I recently read that when someone is experiencing a strong sexual attraction they physically feel flushed or literally hot! I realised then this is where the phrase come from.

 

I have never felt a physical attraction to anyone 😊

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16 hours ago, KayleeK said:

When i was a young teen I used to feel sorry for women when they got married. I thought poor things now they're going to have to have sex !  I just thought sex was this thing that women had to endure from men, so i decided i wanted to be a nun. I didnt realise till i got older that women can actually enjoy and want sex. It just seemed to me it would be painful and unpleasent. It still surprises me sometimes when i remember that people are actually wanting to have sex with eachother 

Same. I thought only guys were into sex. Figured out I was wrong at some point in high school/ college.

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Skipper Valvoline

I thought it was a media conspiracy as a teenager. "GOSH the shows/ads/movies/etc. take one tiny, insignificant part of people's lives and then they blow it up all out of proportion!"

 

I also reasoned that parents had sex 5 times a year: Valentine's Day, anniversary, each of their birthdays, and then one other time thrown in for the heck of it. Then I thought my math was off because that seemed kind of high...

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On 12/10/2020 at 3:02 PM, IrishKerry said:

 

What weird thing did you believe about sex, sexual attraction, etc. Before you found out about asexuality?

TBH I thought people were over exaggerating about sexual attraction and that it wasn't real:/ I like telling jokes and I really like sex jokes and inappropriate jokes I also take almost everything as a joke lol so whenever someone said something very sexual about someone or something I would always think that they were joking and stuff(it also led me to believe that everyone liked sex jokes which is in fact not true) but once I identified as asexual I found out that most people were not joking and over exaggerating about sex like I thought they were. Even now I understand what sexual attraction is but I still don't understand how someone can easily feel it ig idk

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On 12/14/2020 at 7:48 PM, IrishKerry said:

I recently read that when someone is experiencing a strong sexual attraction they physically feel flushed or literally hot! I realised then this is where the phrase come from.

 

I have never felt a physical attraction to anyone 😊

they do? Can't imagine that 😂

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I believed that crushes on people were something you chose to have, you'd pick someone and that's it, that's your crush. 😛
 

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2 hours ago, Raindrops said:

I believed that crushes on people were something you chose to have, you'd pick someone and that's it, that's your crush. 😛

Fun fact: in grade school I did in fact pick out a classmate I decided I was going to have a crush on, because everyone else seemed to have crushes and I didn't want to feel left out. Turns out that's not quite how it works!

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I often uncounciously assumed that the people around me all only have innocent romantic relationships with no intimacy 😂 and hearing otherwise really surprised me (of course I knew that I was just putting up a filter). Can't keep denying it though, when someone gets pregnant...

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On 12/14/2020 at 12:48 PM, IrishKerry said:

I recently read that when someone is experiencing a strong sexual attraction they physically feel flushed or literally hot!

Ohhhhhhh, that makes sense! Can anyone corroborate that? 😱

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20 minutes ago, Anommamous said:

Ohhhhhhh, that makes sense! Can anyone corroborate that? 😱

Well, I'm asexual (though not aro) and sometimes still feel flushed when I'm physically close to or touching someone I'm attracted to. I don't think it's exclusive to sexual desire; it's also similar to the warmth I feel in my cheeks when embarrassed, angry, or exhilarated. It may just be a symptom of significant emotional arousal more generally.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Yeah, feeling hot and bothered isn't just a sexual thing. I get it a lot for crushes and even just aesthetically sexy machines; a random Jeep got it off me a few days ago, good job it was dark :x

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Purple Red Panda

I never really understood just how strong (some) other peoples desire for sex is and how not having sex was deeply frustrating and/or upsetting for them.

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I still refuse to believe there is anyone who enjoys giving a blowjob. I can not imagine or fathom the appeal of putting your mouth near anyone's privates. Especially a penis. I don't get it.

 

Also, I feel terrible for anyone who may get an STD in their mouth because of it. It sounds horrible.

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22 hours ago, AppleSas said:

I still refuse to believe there is anyone who enjoys giving a blowjob. I can not imagine or fathom the appeal of putting your mouth near anyone's privates. Especially a penis. I don't get it.

 

Also, I feel terrible for anyone who may get an STD in their mouth because of it. It sounds horrible.

I know, I can believe that being on the receiving end might be nice for someone but not the giver 🤢

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Before I knew about asexuality, I thought I was gonna get ready to have sex with someone and then not know where to put my penis 😂😂😂

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On 12/14/2020 at 12:48 PM, IrishKerry said:

I recently read that when someone is experiencing a strong sexual attraction they physically feel flushed or literally hot! I realised then this is where the phrase come from.

 

I have never felt a physical attraction to anyone 😊

Uhhh I did believe I had felt physical attraction before, but now that I’ve read this, I may not have in fact. 

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StrangeAnimal

I love this post. Like I genuinely smiled just from reading the title. 

On 12/10/2020 at 4:02 PM, IrishKerry said:

 

I remember being a young teenager and being really Confused about heterosexuality and homosexuality.

This bit in particular is very relatable. I went to a private Christian high school, so the whole homosexual thing was totally frowned upon if not outright ignored, so I can't relate to that part too much. However, when I was in high school I genuinely thought that the straight couples only were sexually active (which was also frowned upon but it was actually addressed) because they thought that it would make them feel like adults. Like I had no idea what it actually meant that people have this sexual attraction to each other. I had crushes and stuff, but only I thought that these people had nice personalities and/or were beautiful and I never felt any urge to initiate any sort of physical relationship with any of them, so I figured that's how everyone felt. When I learned that wasn't the norm, boy was I in for a surprise. 

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On 12/10/2020 at 3:44 PM, TrustTheCloak said:

I thought nobody really liked sex until late middleschool.

I consider le devils tango in a very detached way. A more scientific, clinical way

I had always thought that it was such a great thing to have a kid, becasue wow "imagine being willing to have sex for that". I thought it was so cool of my parents to do it for a kid. 

To me, it seemed like a sacrifice people were okay with making for the prospect of kids.

NOPE

Apparently it is NOT /j

I used to think the same way about my parents! Now I'm just coming to terms with the concept of their having had sexual and romantic attraction for each other, at some point, perhaps before I was born. Hah, it's still a weird idea to me.

On 12/12/2020 at 5:13 PM, AppleSas said:

I think most aces relate to thinking we have to choose our attraction or that we'll wake up with it. 

I'd heard and seen so much about what it is to be a teenager (at least what movies have to say about it) that in middle school I thought there was an actual chance I would wake up feeling and acting like 'one of those teenagers' when I turned 13 or 14. I didn't think being a teenager sounded all that fun however, so I was happy to find it doesn't work that way. 

('Being a teenager' I thought included being rebellious and moody and arguing with your parents in addition to having the crushes and periods everyone was going on about. It didn't occur to me though that anyone would even consider having sex until they were an adult. It sounded gross and illogical to me, and probably as detrimental to one's well being as drinking or smoking. Therefore it was an adult thing like drinking, as I perceived it. Yet at the same time I couldn't see why someone would want sex, or to smoke or drink. I did perceive that it was something people chose to do, as though they were magically compelled to against their common sense. This perception too was influenced by movies.)

After I became a teenager in years but not stereotypes, I decided to simply ignore or avoid all mention or evidence of romance and sex. This was partly because, to my surprise on entering high school, my peers were not (immaturely? comes to mind?) grossed out or fazed by the idea or mention of sex, and were visably in relationships left and right. I essentially chose to live in my own little universe where neither existed.

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On 12/17/2020 at 9:00 AM, SocialMorays said:

Fun fact: in grade school I did in fact pick out a classmate I decided I was going to have a crush on, because everyone else seemed to have crushes and I didn't want to feel left out. Turns out that's not quite how it works!

I did that once, actually. That was at the age of around 10. I convinced my mom I liked a boy. Little did she know I was really talking about someone I invented, a person who could turn into a cat! I wasn't going to be in love with just anyone, you see, only the most unusual. And if they were a cat I could pet and cuddle them!

 

On 12/17/2020 at 9:08 AM, Black Sesame said:

I often uncounciously assumed that the people around me all only have innocent romantic relationships with no intimacy 😂 and hearing otherwise really surprised me (of course I knew that I was just putting up a filter). Can't keep denying it though, when someone gets pregnant...

I assumed this about more than one of my mother's romantic interests before I overheard her talking to someone on the phone... 

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4 minutes ago, an~imperial~votress said:

I assumed this about more than one of my mother's romantic interests before I overheard her talking to someone on the phone... 

Oh, man... at one point in my late teens my mom got a phone call while I was in the adjacent room and happened to be able to overhear. It turned out to be from an ex-boyfriend from twenty-some years before who was calling various people from his past to catch up.

 

After a brief introductory pause, my mom immediately blurted out, "[Name], oh my god, it's you! Do you still have a scar on your dick?!"

 

Spoiler

Making matters much worse, I later learned that she had been the one (unintentionally) responsible for putting it there.

 

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2 minutes ago, SocialMorays said:

Oh, man... at one point in my late teens my mom got a phone call while I was in the adjacent room and happened to be able to overhear. It turned out to be from an ex-boyfriend from twenty-some years before who was calling various people from his past to catch up.

 

After a brief introductory pause, my mom immediately blurted out, "[Name], oh my god, it's you! Do you still have a scar on your dick?!"

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Making matters much worse, I later learned that she had been the one (unintentionally) responsible for putting it there.

 

Wow. That's worse than the conversation I overheard. Mine she was talking with a friend about it, not to the actual person, so there was a layer of distance to it and (at least some) line of what was TMI. But it was about someone I'd grown up with her being obsessed about and had been objected to hearing about for years, so all that time it had never occurred to me...

Overheard phone conversations are the worst for lessons about reality, though.

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1 minute ago, an~imperial~votress said:

Wow. That's worse than the conversation I overheard.

I took it all in good humor! My mom and I have a very nontraditional parent/child relationship -- she's quite earthy, and very open about all manner of personal topics. Especially now that we're both adults, there are very few unbroachable subjects in our house, so there's not much that could or would genuinely surprise me.

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Just now, SocialMorays said:

I took it all in good humor! My mom and I have a very nontraditional parent/child relationship -- she's quite earthy, and very open about all manner of personal topics. Especially now that we're both adults, there are very few unbroachable subjects in our house, so there's not much that could or would genuinely surprise me.

My mom shares a lot with me, too. A little more than I'd wish she did at times...

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That may have been part of why the conversation I overheard so surprised me! I didn't know at the time people liked having sex however, so I would have thought it unfair of him if I had known sooner.

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For the life of me, I couldn't understand why anyone would have sex without a strong emotional bond. A friend bragged about losing her virginity to the college student TA-ing at her school and I was completely horrified that 1) the school let a predator around it's students and 2) she would casually announce that she slept with a guy she had no relationship with. 

 

Now, I still don't understand it, but I am aware that is a thing.

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I'm still in the process of learning, discovering if I am indeed asexual. But I'm thinking it's a very real possibility, so... 

 

I thought sex was the only way to be intimate with someone. What I really wanted was the intimacy of love, to be "monogamously partnered with someone" who I could have a deep connection with. Without sex. 

 

The fact that there are other people out there who understand and might want a relationship like this blows my mind. 

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I thought I could find a way to enjoy sex. I guess I still do, as I'm hanging onto the last thread that can keep me from being "sex repulsed." Maybe I just don't want to believe it. It feels limiting, like a trap. 

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I sort of assumed that if and when I ever had sex, some internal switch would flip, and suddenly "sexual frustration" would be a thing. I mean, supposedly people are miserable if they go without for some length of time (and will go to great lengths to fulfill that need), but I'm fine -- so that need/frustration must not be a thing until I "activate" it, right?

 

Actually, I'm still not 100% sure whether that's a misconception.

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verily-forsooth-egads

The book that taught me the birds and the bees described sex in a way that made it sound like an accident. Like, you just cuddle with someone and their penis ends up inside you. I don't think it took me terribly long to learn otherwise, but it's amazing and kind of upsetting how much media seems to support this—why can't people stay off of each other? Why is sex treated as an inevitability instead of a choice?

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