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Can Asexuals Kiss?


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Hi, 

 

so I am definitely asexual I know that but I think in a relationship I want to have quick pecks on the lips (no making out), hold hands, no cuddling, and have hugs, long and short hugs. So can I still be asexual even though that is what I want and don’t want? 

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Yes, many asexuals have exactly that idea 

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Well yeah, none of those things are inherently sexual.  I mean, family members can take part in any of those activities.

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For me I like the idea of exploring romantic activities because I don't get repulsed by them unlike the sexual acts. Like, cuddling, lip-kissing (def not open mouth lol nope I can't), dancing, going out to dinner, etc. 

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59 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

Hi, 

 

so I am definitely asexual I know that but I think in a relationship I want to have quick pecks on the lips (no making out), hold hands, no cuddling, and have hugs, long and short hugs. So can I still be asexual even though that is what I want and don’t want? 

Yeah. Some aces even have sex.

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I personally love all aspects of intimacy, kissing, cuddling (I am a complete and utter cuddle slut), holding hands, but sexual intercourse is out of the question for me, we all have our different feelings towards different aspects of intimacy

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No, asexual people's lips are like magnets that only repel other lips. It's physics. 

 

(kidding, of course; kissing isn't inherently sexual if there's no desire for it to lead that way) 

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Don't let yourself be defined by the label 'asexual'. You are you. If you want to kiss you kiss (if you find someone to kiss who is happy with that) and if you don't, you don't.

Also, if you kiss your parents, sibilings etc... is it sexual? Fortunately not. Kissing doesn't have to be linked to sex or sexual orientation.

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Are you asking if they're allowed to? 😁 Haha, you can do whatever you want. Also, wanting to kiss doesn't necessarily equal sexual attraction. 🙂

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Absolutely, many asexuals still have serious relationships.

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Well, I am increasingly considering myself and identifying as some form of asexual. But I would enjoy having sex again, and would probably prefer a relationship that includes it. It's a form of intimate connection, which is something I do crave (but can also get from cuddling with a romantic partner), and an enjoyable (for me, I know others don't enjoy it) sensation. I do feel sensual attraction. Plus, I'm a people pleaser, knowing I am making someone feel good is a fulfillment I need. For all I care this can be done with or without a penetrative or sexual element. For me it has nothing to do with attraction, it's connection. (Not discounting the one person I've felt attraction to, that still confuses me)

 

From what I've been reading here, so far. It's not so much enjoyment of these things, or even wanting these things. It's what drives you to want them that makes the difference. (Please, someone correct me if I've misunderstood)

 

If it makes you feel more comfortable with your own wants. I think my ideal would be someone (allo, or asexual) who enjoys touching, but understands touching doesn't always have to lead to sex, and that if/when it does, I may not always bother finishing myself. That's not the point of it for me. It's not easy for a male to hide that they didn't, and I've dealt with hurt feelings in the past.  

Edited by Exploring
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Asexuals definitely can kiss. For some people kissing is either romantic or sensual, not sexual.

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2 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Why no cuddling? 😮

Can asexuals cuddle people too? I personally don’t think I would want to but I am just curious.

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8 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

Can asexuals cuddle people too? I personally don’t think I would want to but I am just curious.

Asexual people can definitely cuddle with anybody, even a romantic partner. The only requirement for being on the asexual spectrum is having little to no sexual attraction, which is different from sensual attraction. At least, that's how I see it.

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10 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

Can asexuals cuddle people too? I personally don’t think I would want to but I am just curious.

Yes. They can if they want to.

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53 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

Can asexuals cuddle people too? I personally don’t think I would want to but I am just curious.

Cuddling is not sexual. Even friends can cuddle.
Affection is something anyone can share, including any physical affection. It's only sexual if it gets to rubbing the private parts. Though I will say I find kissing with tongue to be a bit too 'indulgent', and I only like to kiss in soft affection, but it can be long kisses in love too though.

 

You just have to follow your heart.

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Man of the Stoa

No. The High Council of the Avenites has forbidden it.

 

Some scholars have theorized it's possible, but any asexual with this ability would likely be viewed as a threat to the council, and destroyed as an abomination.

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You can do it all, it doesn't revoke your ace membership card. ^^
What we want to do, on the other hand, depends on the individual (and probably on the situation, where you are on the ace spectrum, and all that jazz).

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I found AVEN after reading an interview with an AVENITE whose screen name was 'SMMG' - we met once MANY years ago. I loved his 'definition' of being asexual "It's like being a washing machine in a showroom. Everything in full working order - just not connected to the mains'  :D If the situation arises and it feels right - why not?

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49 minutes ago, Blitzentan said:

I found AVEN after reading an interview with an AVENITE whose screen name was 'SMMG' - we met once MANY years ago. I loved his 'definition' of being asexual "It's like being a washing machine in a showroom. Everything in full working order - just not connected to the mains'  :D If the situation arises and it feels right - why not?

I absolutely love that one! It might even be entertaining letting people play with the buttons, but in the end it doesn't change anything. 

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  • 5 weeks later...
Sherlocks
On 12/2/2020 at 4:37 AM, Worrywart said:

Hi, 

 

so I am definitely asexual I know that but I think in a relationship I want to have quick pecks on the lips (no making out), hold hands, no cuddling, and have hugs, long and short hugs. So can I still be asexual even though that is what I want and don’t want? 

I mean an asexual can do anything cant they? 

Why would being asexual mean they were incapable of the physical act of kissing? How they feel about it is a different manner entirely. 

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Being asexual doesn't mean you can't experience feelings of romantic love with partner, which includes kissing (just soft in my case), hugging, holding hands, cuddling. You just have no or little interest in sexual activities. Sensual and emotional attraction can be present in my opinion. I feel even sexual attraction towards opposite gender, but I don't want to experience sexual activities.

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Whomadewho
On 12/2/2020 at 12:37 PM, Worrywart said:

Hi, 

 

so I am definitely asexual I know that but I think in a relationship I want to have quick pecks on the lips (no making out), hold hands, no cuddling, and have hugs, long and short hugs. So can I still be asexual even though that is what I want and don’t 

 

My partner only give short pecks, we have never really made out. She loves holding hand, short hugs here and there. Doesnt like me touching her, but likes foot and back massages.

 

She doesn't identify as asexual but reading this forum it sounds like she could be.

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auntjessie

You can do whatever makes you comfortable and not do what makes you uncomfortable. The important thing is to make sure the person you're in a relationship with understands the difference.

 

I like quick kisses, but am not at all interested in longer kisses or French kisses. The few times I did, it grossed me out. I love hugs and cuddling. 

 

There's no right or wrong way to be asexual. You can hate kissing but like cuddling or vice versa. I would just make sure that whenever you're in a relationship with someone, you make this known.

 

Before I knew I was asexual, I had a guy friend who started liking me more than a friend. When I finally agreed to go out with him and we kissed, I felt nothing. We lost our friendship because of this. In part because I didn't know I was asexual and couldn't explain it to him back then. What's worse is that he would've made an excellent partner, but I couldn't give him intimacy because I had no interest in it.

 

Thanks for being so open and honest. I hope these responses help.

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JoleneTheAce

I do! It's not really something that I go out of my way for, but it does make me feel loved and I know my allosexual boyfriend really enjoys making out. But not every asexual feels that way. 

Kissing, to me, also doesn't feel like a sexual thing, it's just a form of affection. But if it's not something that you like or enjoy, then have that conversation with your partner.

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JoleneTheAce
On 12/2/2020 at 11:05 AM, oldgeeza said:

I personally love all aspects of intimacy, kissing, cuddling (I am a complete and utter cuddle slut), holding hands, but sexual intercourse is out of the question for me, we all have our different feelings towards different aspects of intimacy

I completely agree.

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