Do I need to be seeing a gynecologist if I’ve never had sex?

[Pianoguitar]

My family doctor asked me a couple months ago when the last time I saw a gynecologist was. I told her never. Because I’ve never been kissed, much less had sex. Never had problems with any of it. I’m in my late 20’s. She looked appalled and said I needed to see someone regardless. I refuse. I’m not letting anyone touch me, ever. But I can’t stop worrying about it. Is this something people do normally, like seeing a dentist? Or is it more like an optometrist where you only go if you are having vision issues? And why am I sick and panicky at the thought of it?

[DarkStormyKnight]

Hey so I'm no expert but my understanding is that if you aren't having sex it is still good to go in, to make sure everything's ok, but you don't need to go as often. I think it's every 3 years vs every year. It is your health and your choice, but when I went in it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and it's pretty quick. In my opinion, better to be safe and get that all checked out rather than worry about it.

[Forest Spirit]

4 minutes ago, Pianoguitar said:

Is this something people do normally, like seeing a dentist?

Think the logic is similar, yes. You can get problems down there regardless of never having sex, like cysts and such things.

I can very much relate to NOT wanting to go, I mean I did wait 8 years between the two visits I had so yeah... if you're scared I recommend asking exactly what they'll do so that you can brace yourself (the doctor did that automatically the last time, but just pointing it out). In the end it's like any other visit to the doctor, depending on what it is it can be uncomfortable or not. But most importantly, remember they're professionals so it's not the same as any kind of sexual touch or anything like that. Saying that as a sex-repulsed person, which your last sentence reminds me of

 

Welcome to AVEN btw🙂

[weird elf]

What they said. It's your health, but things can go wrong even if you're not sexually active so it's a good idea to go every once in a while.

[Crystallux]

It's something you're supposed to do, the worst case scenario of not going is that a couple of cancers aren't going to be caught early. So it's a good idea. That said I have never gone either I'm simply too scared/horrified at the idea. It is a danger to my health but I just...can't I've never even been naked in front of person since I was super young. So I completely get where you're coming from.

[UndertaleGirl]

Yes. I should see one because I have a hormone disorder that runs in my mom's side of the family and it has caused female relatives including me to get painful periods. My mom had to take birth control to stop the painful periods and eventually she didn't need to take it anymore.

[GingerRose]

2 hours ago, Pianoguitar said:

My family doctor asked me a couple months ago when the last time I saw a gynecologist was. I told her never. Because I’ve never been kissed, much less had sex. Never had problems with any of it. I’m in my late 20’s. She looked appalled and said I needed to see someone regardless. I refuse. I’m not letting anyone touch me, ever. But I can’t stop worrying about it. Is this something people do normally, like seeing a dentist? Or is it more like an optometrist where you only go if you are having vision issues? And why am I sick and panicky at the thought of it?

My doctor has told me that I don't need to go since I've never had sex. (unless I have pain or concern about stuff down there unrelated to sex.)

That's what my doctor told me. But you should always consult your own doctor with this question, to be on safe side.

[everywhere and nowhere]

If you are absolutely terrified of the idea, you have all right to refuse to go.

I too absolutely refuse. It's more than just discomfort for me, it's mortal terror - I'm really extremely nudity-averse. I always felt that after all, this is my body and my choice, so I didn't care when anyone tried to pressure me... I hope that nothing bad happens or that, in a worst-case scenario, I will be ready to dignifiedly sacrifice my life for my inviolability. But reading one text was refreshing because it finally offered a break from the "How dare you think that anything can be more important than health!* You will die in pain and it's just desserts for you!" rhetoric. It framed the issue as a cost and benefit analysis. The benefit is increased health security, being able to know that almost certainly nothing is wrong or, if something is wrong, being able to treat it. However, it's not like the cost side can be ignored. For some people it's just "really uncomfortable", but for some it's worse than death. And the very fact that many others can do it doesn't make them Objectively Wrong. Some people are just more sensitive, or more nudity-averse and so the "cost" isn't same for everybody.

And as for the issue of sex: yes, the benefit isn't the same for everybody either. No sex means less risk (although not "no risk") of disorders of the reproductive system.

 

*And well - yes, I do believe that a person has a right to decide that something - such as their own intimacy, in this case - matters more than health to them.

[Charna]

I tend to do a check up every 2 years or so. Not every gynecological issue is sex-related, I've had infections following antibiotic treatment (for different reasons).

[Anthracite_Impreza]

6 hours ago, Pianoguitar said:

And why am I sick and panicky at the thought of it?

Because having a stranger messing around with your private regions is a horrible experience for almost everyone, and some of us find it more traumatising than "unpleasant".

 

There are of course problems that may arise in those regions whether you have sex or not, but no more than any other body part we don't go for regular checks for. You are under no obligation, personal or moral, to go for any sort of check up. It's your body and your psychological state, no one else's.

[bare_trees]

So I got the same reaction from a GP when I said I'd never been to one.  I've only had penetrative sex a couple of times.  My GP recommended his wife's gyno and I went.  I tried to tell the gyno how I feel about the whole business (much like how you feel, I think) and she insisted that all women feel that way.  She started to do the pap smear and I couldn't get through it.  I screamed and cried and it was humiliating.  I was such a mess that she stopped the exam.  She seemed annoyed and complained that she wasn't even able to reach my cervix because of my reaction.  She asked, "Have you ever had sex?" kind of incredulously.  She said she'd never had someone cry over a pap smear and she laughed.  It was the worst.  On top of that, I had pain in that region for almost a year later if I did anything other than sit or lie down.  I don't know that I will ever go back.

 

So I'm not saying all this to scare you, but I'm leading up to how you can avoid making the same mistakes I did and maybe it'll turn out much better if you decide to go through with it.  When she was dismissive and said that all women feel the way I do, that should have been my cue to just leave.  If you go in to see someone, and you're trying to explain why you don't want to do this to begin with and they act like your concerns aren't worth taking seriously, just walk out.  No reason to feel obligated to see the visit through.  But in addition to that, I would make an appointment just to talk and find out if that gyno is right for you.  Tell them that your feeling is that you don't want anyone to touch you there, at all, ever.  That you feel that strongly about it.  If you don't feel confident after your talk that this doctor understands how you feel and can make it as comfortable and painless as humanly possible, then just don't make another appointment and try someone else when you feel up to it.  Several people have told me that it'll work out better if I make it a two-appointment scenario wherein the first appointment is just talking about my reservations about it instead of them touching me.  

 

Best of luck to you.  It's absolutely up to you whether you ever go, of course. ❤️

[KayleeK]

I've never had a pap smear or anything either. I'm in my 30s but I've never had sex so didnt think I needed to ??

I honestly dont think I could go through with. I mean I can't stand the idea of sex because of the nudity and having someone touching my privates etc. I have bad anxiety too and the thought of having that examination would send me into a panic attack. 

I once had a panic attack at the Drs when she wanted me to take my top off  - still with underwear on. I wasnt expecting it and I just freaked and ran out !!! You're probably not as messed up as I am! 😝

So yeah, its ultimately your choice whether to have the test or not. If you go try to find a Dr maybe that is caring and will understand your worries.

[KayleeK]

19 hours ago, bare_trees said:

So I got the same reaction from a GP when I said I'd never been to one.  I've only had penetrative sex a couple of times.  My GP recommended his wife's gyno and I went.  I tried to tell the gyno how I feel about the whole business (much like how you feel, I think) and she insisted that all women feel that way.  She started to do the pap smear and I couldn't get through it.  I screamed and cried and it was humiliating.  I was such a mess that she stopped the exam.  She seemed annoyed and complained that she wasn't even able to reach my cervix because of my reaction.  She asked, "Have you ever had sex?" kind of incredulously.  She said she'd never had someone cry over a pap smear and she laughed.  It was the worst.  On top of that, I had pain in that region for almost a year later if I did anything other than sit or lie down.  I don't know that I will ever go back.

This reminds me of the time I once had a panic attack at the Drs when she wanted me to take my top off  - still with underwear on. I wasnt expecting it and I just freaked and ran out !!! I have bad anxiety and the Dr wasnt very nice about it.

I think Drs need to be better educated about anxiety in their patients. Medical things or nudity related things can be very traumatic for some people. They should be more understanding thay not everyone is the same.

[bare_trees]

On 12/3/2020 at 3:59 AM, KayleeK said:

This reminds me of the time I once had a panic attack at the Drs when she wanted me to take my top off  - still with underwear on. I wasnt expecting it and I just freaked and ran out !!! I have bad anxiety and the Dr wasnt very nice about it.

I think Drs need to be better educated about anxiety in their patients. Medical things or nudity related things can be very traumatic for some people. They should be more understanding thay not everyone is the same.

So sorry this happened to you!  I don't understand how they get so far in their schooling and aren't better educated about these things.

[The Abhorred]

I'm in my late 30's and been to the gynecologist twice in my life, when there was issues with my period. When I visited them I explained how I don't want them to examine me down there. Then they asked me about having sex and since my answer was no, then agreed on that I didn't need to have these exams. Imo you don't have to visit a gynecologist, since you have no known issues. If you decide go and have a check up, you can share your worries with the doctor. You can refuse to have an exam or to take off your clothes. Unless it is a emergency, for a typical exam they will have to find a way to do the tests with a way that will be respectful or to give the option not do the test at all. You are a human person with feelings, not a cadaver dammit. There are ways to find out if you are healthy that doesn't humiliate you. Someone said to me for the pap test for example that there is a way to get the sample yourself, if you need to do that test and don't won't someone else to touch your private parts.

[everywhere and nowhere]

3 hours ago, The Abhorred said:

Then they asked me about having sex and since my answer was no, then agreed on that I didn't need to have these exams.

Congratulations (and respect for the doctor despite their intimacy-trampling specialisation). I have seen so many people almost refuse to believe that there are adults who don't have sex, I have read about gynecologists who were really disrespectful and behaved as if not having sex was a waste of... something... and as if a woman* who dares behave that way needed to be reprimanded...

 

*I know that women are not the only patients who may visit a gynecologist, but trans people receive some even nastier stereotypes, which are as much against sexual agency, but in their cases it more often means "against sexual activity" than "against the right to choose celibacy"...

[The Abhorred]

3 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Congratulations (and respect for the doctor despite their intimacy-trampling specialisation). I have seen so many people almost refuse to believe that there are adults who don't have sex, I have read about gynecologists who were really disrespectful and behaved as if not having sex was a waste of... something... and as if a woman* who dares behave that way needed to be reprimanded...

 

*I know that women are not the only patients who may visit a gynecologist, but trans people receive some even nastier stereotypes, which are as much against sexual agency, but in their cases it more often means "against sexual activity" than "against the right to choose celibacy"...

It was two different doctors actually, both male. They were very kind, sensitive and never made me feel bad for saying that I don't like to be touched down there. The second one was even careful of how to phrase the pregnancy matter, he said "if you ever" instead of "when you" want to be pregnant, to say that I might have to have an extra treatment. All doctors should learn how to communicate with their patients, its really important for the benefit of our health not to give us extra stress when we are shy. Especially for those of us who we hate to be touched down there, well there might be an issue with serious trauma which is causing this distress, when the doctor is not respecting our word and questions or lecture us, in this way they only risk to traumatizing more someone who might be already suffering. Why do that?

Especially the second time I had problems with my period, I swear it was like my sexual aversion had been turned into a body disease. Like my body rejects so much anything related that it would bleed and pain. Before visiting that doctor I was too scared that they would "force" me to be tested down there in order to find out what was causing the bleeding. After talking to that doctor that fear that I must do something for the sake of my health, went away. Most people don't question doctors, not in a way to say that you don't trust them as experts but to ask in order to be able to understand your problem or why you need to take that medicine, why you need to have that test. It is our right to know, to have a second opinion or to refuse to have a test. The first doctor for example he propose to me to start taking birth control pills for my period to come back and I asked which pills and he said to just go to the drug store and ask for this type of pills then I said what? I'm suppose to go to the drug store buy and start taking pills just like that. Shouldn't I take some test before start taking medicine and he said yes by the book you need to have some blood tests before starting to take birth control pills, so don't take them, we'll wait and see. After a couple of months my period came back and haven't faced a problem with my circle ever since. 

 

[Luftschlosseule]

In Germany, they tell us if you're under 35, you should go at least once a year for a pap smear. If you're over 35, only every three years. 

If you decide you don't want to, please google videos that tell you how to check your breasts for cancer, because that's something else they teach you.

 

For the peeps that do want to get the pap smear but have fear and pain - my doc had this great idea of giving me a piece of chocolate to concentrate on instead of what she's doing down there, and this year was not half as bad as the last times I got a pap smear. Sounds ridiculous, but better ridiculous and not in as much pain.

[Janus the Fox]

I’d say at the very least see a doctor while experiencing unpleasant or concerning symptoms not expected for that persons normal.  I guess this covers any illness on all sex spectrums.  For make sex organ health, all too often testicular and prostate abnormalities often go ignored regardless of having sex or not.

[Jordan92]

Doctors tell me you need to go in regardless of sexual activity to do the pap and exam to check up on your reproductive organ health. They ideally want you in every 3 years but I did have one doctor (female) say it wasn’t exactly necessary unless you get an abnormal result in a Pap smear. So like, I got an exam when I wanted birth control, 3 years later I got I removed, another exam, then a new birth control. That last result was abnormal (my first bc gave me side effects so that’s what I attribute it to) so I’ll get another exam when the 3 year mark approaches. But if that ones normal then I’ll prolly skip until the current bc needs replacing. 
 

The smear and exam can help identify female cancers/HPV early. If you have family history of early breast cancer (like pre-40s) or other cancers effecting endocrine/reproductive organs than it might be smart to do the every 3 years. But if you’re confident in your family health history and your personal health than I’d go like once every 5-10 years. Also getting a female doctor can help ease concerns about strangers down there. I really dislike the cold/standoffish nature of male obgyn’s but female doctors will tend to “announcing my touch” and be more vocal about the process and understand your fears. 

[Nylocke]

If they want to do an internal then they should just sedate me xD I actually have had problems with that cursed organ but my mom says I don't need to go because I'm not sexually active

[Sherlocks]

On 12/1/2020 at 7:19 AM, Pianoguitar said:

My family doctor asked me a couple months ago when the last time I saw a gynecologist was. I told her never. Because I’ve never been kissed, much less had sex. Never had problems with any of it. I’m in my late 20’s. She looked appalled and said I needed to see someone regardless. I refuse. I’m not letting anyone touch me, ever. But I can’t stop worrying about it. Is this something people do normally, like seeing a dentist? Or is it more like an optometrist where you only go if you are having vision issues? And why am I sick and panicky at the thought of it?

Like if you are over 40 or if you are having significant health issues otherwise. Like if you can not control your bladder, things like that. 

[chisaki]

Oh I relate to this post a lot. I’ve been to a gynecologist before to get birth control for my acne. I have since transferred my prescription to my GP because that gyno doctor was so rude to me and made me feel awkward and uncomfortable (mainly because it felt like they thought I was lying about my sexual history). But when I was there, they had told me since I have never been sexually active, that unless I felt like I had pressing issues (like pain or irritation), I didn’t really need a pap smear.

 

Recently I went to my GP, who I’m a lot more comfortable with. She had recommended I go get a pap smear at least to check for potential issues like cervical cancer. Though she said I can take my time in doing so, but I should try to go before I’m 30 (I’m 26 currently). So maybe I will do that later, but I am in the same boat as feeling terrified of going. I want to make sure I’m healthy, but I also feel sick to my stomach at the thought of the procedure and someone seeing/touching me. Maybe one day I’ll work up the courage to go, but for now I’m just going based off of how I feel, and so far I’ve never had any issues.

[fragglerocking]

Absolutely you do!! That’s how you get screened for cancers and disorders and infections to catch them early. I go once a year because I’m on birth control for cysts, and a pap smear is every three years. I hate going, but I’d rather a quick look down there than find out I’m sick and it’s too late to fix.

[Taemi]

On 12/1/2020 at 4:19 PM, Pianoguitar said:

My family doctor asked me a couple months ago when the last time I saw a gynecologist was. I told her never. Because I’ve never been kissed, much less had sex. Never had problems with any of it. I’m in my late 20’s. She looked appalled and said I needed to see someone regardless. I refuse. I’m not letting anyone touch me, ever. But I can’t stop worrying about it. Is this something people do normally, like seeing a dentist? Or is it more like an optometrist where you only go if you are having vision issues? And why am I sick and panicky at the thought of it?

I'm in my late 20s too and I've never had sex. I was in a gynecologist (it was a woman) once three years ago and she examined me only by using sonography through my belly. I was scared she would touch me down there and she told me to not be afaid because she can't when I didn't have sex yet.

[fragglerocking]

51 minutes ago, Taemi said:

I'm in my late 20s too and I've never had sex. I was in a gynecologist (it was a woman) once three years ago and she examined me only by using sonography through my belly. I was scared she would touch me down there and she told me to not be afaid because she can't when I didn't have sex yet.

What on earth? At least in the US they definitely do it internally whether or not you’re a virgin.

[Taemi]

3 minutes ago, fragglerocking said:

What on earth? At least in the US they definitely do it internally whether or not you’re a virgin.

Europe, sorry I don't want to be specific. Maybe it's just her, I don't know. I wasn't there since then.

[fragglerocking]

Just now, Taemi said:

Europe, sorry I don't want to be specific. Maybe it's just her, I don't know. I wasn't there since then.

It is interesting how some doctors still use their own opinions in their practice even when there’s no medical basis. It could totally be a regional thing too though!

[Euna]

On 12/1/2020 at 1:26 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Because having a stranger messing around with your private regions is a horrible experience for almost everyone, and some of us find it more traumatising than "unpleasant".

 

There are of course problems that may arise in those regions whether you have sex or not, but no more than any other body part we don't go for regular checks for. You are under no obligation, personal or moral, to go for any sort of check up. It's your body and your psychological state, no one else's.

This, 100x.

Also consider getting another doctor if your current GP is not treating you respectfully. (Not saying they aren't, but just be aware not all doctors act "appalled" at this.)

[Narly]

Hi,

 

I am not sure if this is still relevant, since this post is a few months old already, but I will just share my experience anyway, in case you might find it useful.

 

I have never had sex and I am not planning to. I went to the gynecologist for the first time when I was 16 (my GP recommended it) and since then I have been going once a year (I am now 23). If you have the options, ask around (your girl friends, sister, mother..) if they can recommend you their gynecologist (some can be unpleasant, but most are ok). My gynecologist is a woman in her 40s and she is nice. I think a youngish/middle aged woman is ideal, at least for me that is a lot better than, lets say, a 60 year old guy. A few years ago I told my gynecologist I was asexual, as I did not want her to think there was something wrong with me for not having sex (so she would know that I was not scared of sex, ashamed of my body, or anything, that I just simply was not interested).

 

Honestly, I do not like going there, but I have a huge fear of having a serious medical problem left undiagnosed. I personally prefer going through the 10 minutes of uncomfortable visit at the gynecologist (and, fine, a few days of anxiety beforehand..) rather than not going for a checkup for a couple of years and than having a serious problem and discovering that it could have been prevented by going regularly.

 

It is absolutely your decision, but if you ever feel brave and and want to make sure you are healthy, try it.