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Am I on the asexual spectrum?


ErickaAlayna

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feel very reserved on the topic of sex when meeting potential partners and it acts as a boundary in relationships. I find myself uninterested in dirty talk or uninterested in diving right into sex in general. However, that doesn't mean that I'm not interested in having sex with the person that I'm talking to but I like to form a connection with them and I find it difficult to express my sexual attractions. Once I enter relationship with a partner and become comfortable with sex and all things related with them, it is not an issue. That being said, with new people I am just not interested and almost repulsed by the idea. 

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Grey-Ace Ventura

I'm gay and I wouldn't want to bang a guy after talking to him for only a few hours. I'd have to form some connection with him first, otherwise I'd imagine it would be meaningless and just weird. This sounds like a pretty common sexual experience imo.

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Not everyone is into sex right away... hookup culture wouldn't work for me but my sexual relationship with my wife is pretty amazing. So, no, not being into sex right away doesn't make one ace. It just makes you ... not into hookup culture. 

 

Now, if it takes an insanely long time (like months) maybe look into grey or demi. 

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14 hours ago, Serran said:

Now, if it takes an insanely long time (like months) maybe look into grey or demi. 

I wouldn't mind it if it took me only months.

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Hello! Sex-neutral asexual here that has been dealing with figure out her sexuality for years, might share some insights. 

 

To me it sounds like you might be somewhere in the ace spectrum. Because this is a spectrum, there is no right or wrong way to experience asexuality, there's a thousand shades if gray in between. But there's some ways to figure out where you might somehow stand. 

 

By definition, an asexual person is 'someone that does not feel sexual attraction'. This has nothing to do with sex. A lot of asexuals engage in sexual activities because they enjoy it, is their lack of sexual attraction that makes them ace. 

I myself struggle understanding sexual attraction, but it's supposed to be that little voice in your head that says 'uh, I find this person attractive, I'd like to engage in sexual activities with them'. When that voice is not present, you lack sexual attraction. 

 

HOWEVER, and this might be your case, asexuality includes different shades of 'lack of sexual attraction'. The most common ace identities in the spectrum are:

Asexual, one that doesn't feel sexual attraction at all

Demi-sexual, one that feels sexual attraction once a deep emotional connection has been established

Gray-sexual, one that feels sexual attraction but very infrequently

But there's so many versions of asexuality. You might find useful googling 'asexual identities', you might find something that you relate to. 

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