Lottesa Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Hi. Ummm. I don't really know what to say and I honestly don't know if I will actually go through with letting people see this. But for right now I'm just going to ramble. I mean I signed up here for a reason, I guess. I have actually been debating it for months but it was only during one of my anxiety management classes the other day that I was actually able to find the courage to come onto this site although I had heard of it and been curious about it for ages. I suppose I'll start with I think I may be asexual. I mean I don't really understand what people mean when they talk about people they find "hot". I remember well over a year ago (maybe 2?) my family and I were over at my aunts house. She had just gotten divorced and she was having "fun times" with some colleague I think. She showed my mum, siblings and I a picture of him. I can objectively tell it was supposed to be a "sexy?" Picture, and when she was talking about how hot he was every one was able to give some kind of response, but when I was asked I just didn't know what to say. I think I just said he looked nice or something before excusing myself and going out in the middle of the night around winter time to cry in her garden. The picture made me feel uncomfortable and awkward at best. And I felt embarrassed that I couldn't come up with the correct response to it. Id heard of and considered that I may be asexual before the but I think that was the first time I actually took it seriously. I'd usually just brush it aside because I'm socially awkward, very overweight and super introverted. Its just that there had never been an opportunity. Looking at that written out right now its clearly (for me at least) a load of bull. Because if I really wanted something with someone I would have tried to look for it right? I don't know. I've never been in a romantic or sexual relationship before. But I see people talk about their experiences surrounding asexuality and I relate in a way I never had before. Suddenly the not wanting to tick any of the sexuality based boxes in questionnaires or on forms made so much more sense. The fact that when I was in High school my mum asked if I was gay and I was confused by the fact she was asking the question. She thought I the reason I'd never had a boyfriend was I wanted a girlfriend. I for my part hadn't really even thought about it before. And the more I think about it the more confused I get. I don't think I'm opposed to a relationship. But then again I literally have no friends. And I'm not saying this to be cute or something, its a fact. I haven't kept in contact with people from school and the only people from my last job that I talk to are friends of my mum and if it weren't for her I probably wouldn't talk to them either. To be honest my anxiety doesn't help but I don't think it can be entirely to blame for this. I'm just really unsure of myself but, I have been thinking I might be asexual for a long time and I'm almost 27 and I have been thinking about it more and , I just don't know. But I can't keep going this way. I want to figure myself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Welcome! It is a good thing you have overcome your fear to post here Regarding the photo you were mentioning about, keep in mind that 'hot' is not the same thing for everyone, no matter their orientation. While there are some characteristics that are generally seen as sexy, even non-asexual people could consider them not a big deal and could wonder what is the big fuss about it. Also, taken in consideration that it was just a picture, it could be related more to aesthetic attraction. For some people sexual attraction could overlap to a certain degree with aesthetic attraction, for some one may not matter that much as the other. Sexual attraction is not based solely on aesthetic attraction, it could be also the way they act, they speak, they think etc. And in the case of asexuals too, aesthetic attraction may matter a lot, but for some it doesn't. For example, I have usually a low level of aesthetic attraction, so for me also showing a picture and ask me if that person looks 'hot' is a little bit weird... and the only think that would make me say yes or no are more related to external standards then to internal ones, which are usually asleep for me😅. But this doesn't make me asexual. What makes me asexual is that I haven't feel any pull towards a person and desire to connect sexually with them. And from what you have described, it may be that you are asexual as well, as you don't seem to have experienced something like that (but this only you could tell for sure). And keep in mind that only you can choose how to label your experience... and also that it doesn't have to be forever, just for as long you feel comfortable with it and that is for as long this is what you want to express to others. Good luck on your journey! Link to post Share on other sites
Rin G. Ito Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Hi! Thanks for the kind words in my other thread, and welcome to AVEN! I've also never ever had a relationship romantic and sexual, and I never experienced sex to "make sure" I'm ace, but I've never really had any sexual attraction to people (I find "sexually attractive" poses weird and not that good looking at best, repuslive at worst) so we're pretty much in the same boat, except that you're a few years older than me, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Welcome! Ah a fellow anxious bean, nice to meet you Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 @Lottesa A very belated welcome to AVEN! And Happy New Year! It's a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and even though I'm so very late welcoming you, here's my favourite cake to post,http://chocolateartcake.blogspot.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
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