Does Bisexuality and Asexuality blend together?

[clarabrand]

Hey! I'm Clara and I'm a total newbie, sorry if I get anything wrong here.

 

I always saw myself as a bisexual woman. I was attracted to women and men (sometimes, but it was there) and in the beginning I went down with some people (like, two). But I always had a cycle. I would get really aroused and interested in one, maybe two people. I would ask someone out and we would make out, have some touching, that was it. As soon as I walked out the date, I would feel void of libido and it would stay like that for months, maybe a year, sometimes more. I spent like 1,5 years once without the idea of kissing someone even crossing my mind. Later I started thinking about maybe being ace. I had crushes, I wanted to have a relationship once with a friend of mine but I was over it real quick.

 

Here is my question. I think I am asexual by the way my attraction is shown (aka almost never) and the lack of romantic intent but I still think of myself as a bi/pan woman because when it happens it doesn't even matter who it is. How the hell do I describe myself? Are asexuality and bi/pansexuality two completely different things? Or do they overlap? Am I thinking this through the right way?

[Guest]

Hmm, not exactly sure, but this is what came to my mind: bi/pan* aceflux, or bi/pan oriented aro aceflux. You could take a closer look into romantic identities and sexual identities, as only you can determine what exactly you are. Also, another thing that you could keep in mind is sensual attraction, when you are attracted to touch someone, but not in a sexual way, and aesthetic attraction, when you are attracted to someone's appearance. 

Also, there is the gray-sexual label, in which you could feel sexual attraction in certain conditions, which is compatible with bisexual/pansexual.

 

*If the gender or sex of the person matters then it's bi, if it doesn't matter, then it's pan, even if you haven't met all the genders.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

You could be bi graysexual.

And there's also the term biromantic you can use as well. But you say you have a lack of romantic intent, so I dunno.

[BeakLove]

20 minutes ago, clarabrand said:

Hey! I'm Clara and I'm a total newbie, sorry if I get anything wrong here.

 

I always saw myself as a bisexual woman. I was attracted to women and men (sometimes, but it was there) and in the beginning I went down with some people (like, two). But I always had a cycle. I would get really aroused and interested in one, maybe two people. I would ask someone out and we would make out, have some touching, that was it. As soon as I walked out the date, I would feel void of libido and it would stay like that for months, maybe a year, sometimes more. I spent like 1,5 years once without the idea of kissing someone even crossing my mind. Later I started thinking about maybe being ace. I had crushes, I wanted to have a relationship once with a friend of mine but I was over it real quick.

 

Here is my question. I think I am asexual by the way my attraction is shown (aka almost never) and the lack of romantic intent but I still think of myself as a bi/pan woman because when it happens it doesn't even matter who it is. How the hell do I describe myself? Are asexuality and bi/pansexuality two completely different things? Or do they overlap? Am I thinking this through the right way?

Opinions differ, I think if the sphere of your romantic and sexual interests (regardless of how far you choose to pursue them) extends to both sexes, then bisexual is a fair way to identify and an appropriate term. Whether you can use it with asexual is another question. Personally, I think you can. I've seen people on here call themselves a "bi ace" or what have you, or qualify the lack of sexual interest by appending "-romantic". But it depends on whether you consider asexuality an orientation in its own right completing a quadrant of [None,Men,Women,All] or more-or-less shorthand for very low libido and limited sexual interest. I do think the class of people in whom you have an intimate interest and the exact mechanics of how that interest plays out are distinct concepts. 

 

You're probably going to end up having to explain it in a sentence to someone anyway, "I'm into both women and men, but not all that into sex". Could also just be the particular individuals you've met just haven't gotten you going, so-to-speak. Attraction is a strange beast.

[Philip027]

They can oft be confused.  There's been a number of asexuals here who thought they were bi before discovering asexuality, because they figured that their level of attraction toward the opposite sex was equal to their level of attraction to the same sex (which isn't necessarily how being bi works, but it's often how being bi is perceived to work).  That level just so happened to be zero.

[clarabrand]

1 hour ago, CBC said:

Yeah, you can't be bisexual and asexual at the same time. (Or heterosexual and asexual, or homosexual and asexual.) You can be biromantic (or heteroromantic or homoromantic) and asexual, though.

 

I can't tell you whether you're asexual or not. Perhaps you're bisexual with a lower level of interest, since you say it is there sometimes.

There is but like, maybe for 7 days a year. I don't think it defines me more than the 300+ days when I don't feel the need or the desire for anything sex-related though. That's something that clicked for me very recently.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

11 minutes ago, clarabrand said:

There is but like, maybe for 7 days a year. I don't think it defines me more than the 300+ days when I don't feel the need or the desire for anything sex-related though. That's something that clicked for me very recently.

That'd fit with graysexuality, which is considered to be on the ace spectrum. I'd say 7 days per year is probably on the low side But some purists might say it doesn't make you strictly asexual.

 

In my case I just say I'm not really sexual, so a bit like was suggested. If graysexuality was more known about I might talk about it, but I often go with simplicity.

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to The Grey Area, Sex, and Related Discussions

 

Janus DarkFox

Weekend Cover Asexual Relationships, Current Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator