RamtopsWitch Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 Hi all, I'm new here - 34, married with one bio child and have just realized in the past month or so that I'm a romantic sex-positive asexual. I came out to my partner, who is allosexual, last night, and it actually went really well. I'm really relieved but also was wondering if there was anyone else on here who was also married with a child/children! I feel like there is still so much more to understand about myself, how it took me so long to realize this, and if/when I'd like to come out to my friends and family - I'd love to hear about others' experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! I'm not married or a parent, but I just wanted to chip in and say that I'm delighted by your username 🖤 Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 @RamtopsWitch, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 Link to post Share on other sites
EldritchAce Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Hi! I'm in my 30s too and married with a kid. I've only recently realised that there's a word for what I am, after years of wondering if there was something wrong with me. I'm biromantic, asexual and (I guess) sex indifferent. It's never been an issue for us - I think my husband is probably also somewhere similar on the asexual/greysexual spectrum, although he's wary of labels. I have no plans to come out at this stage. My husband is a private person and I respect that. If I came out, I'd risk 'outing' him too with a label that I'm not sure he'd be comfortable adopting right now. For now, I'm just quietly relieved to learn that there are other people like me and there is nothing "broken" with me. Link to post Share on other sites
RamtopsWitch Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 @SocialMorays haha, thank you! I delight in subtle nerdery. I stalked your profile a little bit and I have to say you sound very cool! We definitely have similar interests - have you tried the Murderbot series? If you haven't, based on just your profile, I'd hazard a guess that you'd like it. It's bringing me a lot of joy during this overall difficult time for all of us! @EldritchAce It's great to know I'm not alone - I can really relate to your feelings of relief after years of wondering! It's interesting, I wonder why I feel such a need to tell people... I did mention coming out to my spouse and he actually said that he'd prefer it; for him, it would be nice not to have to hedge and pretend anymore when sex-related topics come out. It certainly does feel weird telling people though - I feel like there's so much more in-depth explanation needed than "I'm attracted to the same sex" for instance. Not that that's easy either. @Skycaptain Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
EldritchAce Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 I do think wanting to tell people is totally normal and wanting to come out is also completely valid! Even though I haven't come out, I can definitely relate to wanting to - I think it's partly that feeling of wanting to share a really important self realisation with people you care about. I think that's completely normal and empowering. Link to post Share on other sites
RamtopsWitch Posted December 2, 2020 Author Share Posted December 2, 2020 @EldritchAce Wow, that's a fantastic way to put it, thanks! It's actually really reassuring to understand that about myself - that I want to share an important self-realization with people I care about - and that's going to be really helpful when I do actually come out. ❤️ Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
..blenderized.. Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Howdy! New here. But, I am 51 with two older kids, and just realized about a year and a half ago that I wasn't broken or lazy, but that I was asexual! Hallelujah! Hubby knows, and a good (only ha) friend, but that's it... haven't had the need or urge to share it with my mum or sisters, since my marriage is currently stable (bless 'im for taking it as well as he did!), and it confused my mum enough when my sister came out as gay aeons ago, so don't want to stress her out with something that is essentially inconsequential to her. When I first had the epiphany, I was definitely bursting at the seams, thinking I needed to make a formal announcement to the world, then realised it wasn't that big of a deal. The urgency faded. I have a wonderful friendship and companionship with my hubby (not without our struggles over the years, though!), and we will cuddle, hug and affectionately kiss, so my needs are met in that regard. I have realised, the last two days being on here, that because I am in a long-term relationship (23 years), I am fairly protected from 'having' to come out, as I am not looking for a relationship, etc. for which I feel grateful for (I think dating at 50 would be hard enough as an allo!)... Link to post Share on other sites
stardust628 Posted February 8, 2021 Share Posted February 8, 2021 I'm married (17 years almost), two kids. I realized this past year that I'm ace. Since it doesn't affect my marriage, I feel no need to "come out," although it has done wonders for my self-image. Link to post Share on other sites
Lytsedraak Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hi! I'm 37, married and I have a 6-year-old son. I too recently discovered my sexuality is demiromantic, sex-neutral asexual. And coming out to my husband also went really well. I'm glad to read I'm not the only one. I love my husband, but it took some time for me to develop that feeling. I'm still debating whether or not to come out to other people. I kinda want to, but sometimes I think 'what's the point?'. So I'm still on the fence. Link to post Share on other sites
Falcor Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 Hi. I'm 42, married and have a 12 year old son. Finally found out I was asexual a couple of years ago and it was hubbie who first suggested it to me after years of my having very little interest in sex. It was a huge relief to know I wasn't abnormal and that I wasn't alone. I've since come to know I am a biromantic grey ace as I can have sex with my husband out of love but I know that if our relationship broke up for any reason it wouldn't bother me if I never had sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lytsedraak Posted March 2, 2021 Share Posted March 2, 2021 10 hours ago, Falcor said: I can have sex with my husband out of love but I know that if our relationship broke up for any reason it wouldn't bother me if I never had sex again. Same here, I'll do it with my husband because I love him, but if it would stop tomorrow I'd be okay with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gelleigh86 Posted March 7, 2021 Share Posted March 7, 2021 Hey everyone! Completely new here. Like realized yesterday that asexual describes me to a T. I’m 34, married for 6 years, and I have 2 children. I’m still trying to learn the terms but I’m definitely romantic asexual. i was pretty crazy in my 20s, craving attention and love, so lots of sex. I always knew, even while it was happening, that I was doing it for the attention. Within a few months of dating my husband (14 years ago), my sex drive plummeted. I alway thought it was low libido and there was something wrong physically or hormonal. Sex is a chore for me and I muster up the will to do it once a month or so so that my husband doesn’t complain. But I think I’d be completely fine without it the rest of my life. My worst fear in life has always been to be alone. We have a great relationship, he is my best friend, and sex is the only thing we argue about. So now that I’ve figured out why I’m the way I am, I don’t know what to do with this information lol. I feel like if my husband knows that this is who I am and my desire to have sex will never change, it could eventually lead to us separating. For the most part, Even though I dread when I know sex is coming, I’m willing to do it to keep my husband happy. so I don’t know... Maybe just knowing personally that there’s nothing wrong with me, that this is the way I am, and there are a ton of people just like me.. is good enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Lytsedraak Posted March 7, 2021 Share Posted March 7, 2021 That is a tough situation to be in and I hope you'll find a way to deal with it. We're always here if you need to talk about things. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 @Gelleigh86, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 Link to post Share on other sites
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