emptybrody90 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 I am currently trying to figure out where I fit on the ace spectrum/how asexuality fits into my life. I am almost certain that I fit somewhere on the ace spectrum, as I generally have low sex drive that isn't enough to make me want to go through the effort of having sex or only have libidinal urges rarely/for very short bursts (gray-a) and also tend to base my sexual fantasies/masturbation activities on other people having sex and have no interest in taking part personally (aegeosexual). I also feel, though, that sexual aversion may be a part of my sexual functioning, and appreciate that this forum has helped me to realize that sexual aversion is not a sexual orientation. There are a lot of reasons I feel this: body shaming from LGBT community has made me have no desire to be nude in front of another person, random & infrequent hints that I may have repressed sexual trauma, times in my life when I experienced/acted on very strong libido that has now mostly disappeared, religious messages from family that I shouldn't have sexual feelings toward other men has likely bombed my chances of being intimate until I sort some stuff out. I guess my question is how can I know where one ends and the other begins? I feel that culturally I have felt pressured to enjoy sex, or at least convince myself that sex is enjoyable, and the un-reality of that is hitting me hard and pushing me to analyze my likely asexuality. I just wish I understood the degree to which sexual aversion plays a role. And the libido thing is probably what I'm most confused about, and I'm very new to the asexual spectrum and know that this is just showing my ignorance. Does a fluctuating libido have anything to do with asexuality? Or is it a physical thing? I'm sorry for this rambling mess and any misconceptions about asexuality that I may be unintentionally conveying. I'm glad to have found this forum and appreciate any and all feedback I can get. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 It's a sad thing if people understand the message of this forum to be that "sex aversion is not a sexual orientation". Well, indeed it isn't, but sex-averse people still have a right to accept their feelings and, if they feel that it expresses their feelings well, identify as asexual. I am sex-averse and nudity-averse myself and I accept these feelings. I have no desire to become allosexual, become sex-indifferent, have sex, "fit in". And while I wouldn't say that I'm proud of my sex aversion - because, after all, it's a neutral trait, and it also isn't something I have gained through my own effort - my self-acceptance certainly is and therefore I am proud t accept myself instead of torturing and traumatising myself with sexual attempts. Nudity aversion is culturally strongly associated with supposed low self-esteem, so in order to prove that I don't have low self-esteeem, I'm going to shamelessly show how conceited I am. I indeed don't particularly like my body, but I highly appreciate my mind. I am willing to reject scientific explanations (such as mainstream understanding of sex aversion) in favour of personal experience. In other words, I give myself authority to reject "expert knowledge" and instead trust myself more. I don't need to have societal and scientific ideas of "normalcy" telling me what to do, instead I believe in my own right to choose - including making lifestyle choices which are seen unfavourably by both (such as never having sex). And, obviously, I believe that other people have a right to trust and accept themselves too. They just need to develop this self-acceptance. So remember that accepting yourself as a sex-averse person is a valid option. You don't have to think of it as a pathology or as something mutually exclusive with "genuine" asexuality. You can be gay, asexual, sex-averse and proud 🏳️🌈 at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 I am also asexual and sex-averse. There was a time when I would search a lot for explanations about my sex-aversion (and there could be a few, but they are not strong enough* to be confident to say they produced so much aversion in me that I would tend to repress my sexual feelings, if there were to be any) and if this sex-aversion makes me feel like I am asexual. I have gone through quite a few episodes of mental turmoil because of this and because I thought there may be the possibility of faking my asexuality. Then I have realized there is no reason to continue with this and just accept that I am a sex-averse asexual, even if one may have 'caused' the other or not. Reading other aces' experiences and more in depth about asexuality, I have realized that I it is okay to be the way I am. *And even if there were strong enough explanations for my sex aversion, I hope I would have come to the same conclusion: that it is okay to be the way I am, as long as it wouldn't have distressed the hell out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.