Falling in love, now what?

[Nxr168]

Hello there,

 

I am an asexual female and very disgusted by the idea of having a sexual relationship with another person. 
 

The thing is: I fell in love for the first time some days ago and thought I was getting sick or something because this is a first for me. 
 

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and this person is on my mind whatever I do that it drives me crazy. I can’t function like I normally did and the worst part is that this person feels the same way. 
 

I don’t know what to do, I defintely do not want anything sexual, at the same time I can’t stop my body from reacting this way. Does this thing go away any time soon? Someone help me out here...!

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hii.
Have you known this person for a long time and gotten close to them? If not then it's probably just a crush, not being in love. It can still be strong, but yes it can go away, but you do have to acknowledge the feelings, but also realize that you (probably) don't really know this person, and that what you have those feelings for is an image you created in your mind. There's so much to each person, and we can only truly know them when we're close to them for a long time.

Love isn't about sex, so remember to be true to you and that none of it has to mean sex. If this person is sexual, then maybe it wouldn't work out with you. I guess you have to be able to detach and know that nothing of the feelings you have have to mean sex or even a relationship. They would have to develop feelings for you too and also be ok without having sex if you don't want that. So remember to keep things open, often times things have to be a match to be worth it. I've gotten in relationships and ignored the mismatches and it always didn't turn out well, now I'm more picky, but it's also being respectful towards myself, because I want things to work well with a partner.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I hope things work out for you one way or another. Remember to take it easy and carry on with what you like to do in your life, and all that.

[Lord Jade Cross]

What people commonly refer to "falling in love" is really more of a combination of infatuation and in the case of any sexual feelings present, lust. They both do the same thing and stay for a little while but eventually fade unless something is done to perpetuate them. If you're not interested in it, kindly just tell the person that you're not interested in a relationship and let the feeling die out

[Nxr168]

35 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hii.
Have you known this person for a long time and gotten close to them? If not then it's probably just a crush, not being in love. It can still be strong, but yes it can go away, but you do have to acknowledge the feelings, but also realize that you (probably) don't really know this person, and that what you have those feelings for is an image you created in your mind. There's so much to each person, and we can only truly know them when we're close to them for a long time.

Love isn't about sex, so remember to be true to you and that none of it has to mean sex. If this person is sexual, then maybe it wouldn't work out with you. I guess you have to be able to detach and know that nothing of the feelings you have have to mean sex or even a relationship. They would have to develop feelings for you too and also be ok without having sex if you don't want that. So remember to keep things open, often times things have to be a match to be worth it. I've gotten in relationships and ignored the mismatches and it always didn't turn out well, now I'm more picky, but it's also being respectful towards myself, because I want things to work well with a partner.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I hope things work out for you one way or another. Remember to take it easy and carry on with what you like to do in your life, and all that.

I know I should not think of (only) sex when it comes to crushing/falling in love. But I somehow end up associating these two with one another, which makes me sick to my stomach. 
 

I am very shy and I tend to ignore people if I notice something is off with them (they act different around me). But, this time I cannot do that because I’m a nursing student and the one who acts different around me is a doctor who is of the same age, whom I need to be in contact with at all times.

 

In just two days I lost quite a few pounds, and feel so depressed that I can’t think straight.

 

The feeling is definetely mutual because all of the other nurses keep trying to make me and the person do things together or interact when there is no need to. I guess it shows?? I don’t know, really... but I can’t even say no to the nurses which just makes it harder to just keep myself out of this doctor’s way (although he ends up approaching me himself and the nurses just giggles because he doesn’t come to the nurses’ office that often in reality).

[RobL2415]

57 minutes ago, Nxr168 said:

Hello there,

 

I am an asexual female and very disgusted by the idea of having a sexual relationship with another person. 
 

The thing is: I fell in love for the first time some days ago and thought I was getting sick or something because this is a first for me. 
 

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and this person is on my mind whatever I do that it drives me crazy. I can’t function like I normally did and the worst part is that this person feels the same way. 
 

I don’t know what to do, I defintely do not want anything sexual, at the same time I can’t stop my body from reacting this way. Does this thing go away any time soon? Someone help me out here...!

I can relate to this. I'm 27M and when I start talking to a girl on online dating the thoughts of being romantically successful with her permeate my brain. It's like a cycle. Get hyped, have a good first date, have conversation burn-out, second date is lackluster, girl says she just wants to be friends, I get depressed and never want to date again. But I always hope for the best and I hope the best for you also. And definitely be upfront about being ace.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

56 minutes ago, Nxr168 said:

I know I should not think of (only) sex when it comes to crushing/falling in love. But I somehow end up associating these two with one another, which makes me sick to my stomach. 
 

I am very shy and I tend to ignore people if I notice something is off with them (they act different around me). But, this time I cannot do that because I’m a nursing student and the one who acts different around me is a doctor who is of the same age, whom I need to be in contact with at all times.

 

In just two days I lost quite a few pounds, and feel so depressed that I can’t think straight.

 

The feeling is definetely mutual because all of the other nurses keep trying to make me and the person do things together or interact when there is no need to. I guess it shows?? I don’t know, really... but I can’t even say no to the nurses which just makes it harder to just keep myself out of this doctor’s way (although he ends up approaching me himself and the nurses just giggles because he doesn’t come to the nurses’ office that often in reality).

Aww, hun you need to take care of yourself. Even if something would be possible, it doesn't matter more than your health and your happiness in general. Try to take some time to relax here and there, breathe, and detach a least a little, as you can. Even people that are into each other doesn't mean their personal lives stop.

Do you two talk about personal things once in a while? Maybe at some point, if you wanted to, you could slip in that you're asexual. I only mention it because it could be a way to get it out there and see if it matters to him or not. It could then maybe help clear your worries around if sex matters or not with this. But still even without that, no potential relationship is worth stressing over. If anything, love should feel good And loving ourselves is important too.