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Is it common to date someone the same age and height as you?


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General thoughts on the validity of pheromone-based human attraction aside, the NIH says “Pheromones in humans may be present in bodily secretions such as urine, semen or vaginal secretions, breast milk and potentially also saliva and breath, yet most attention thus far has been directed toward axillary sweat.”

 

So that would say the short woman, tall man model favors the man my-pheromones-as-lure-wise.  XD

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1 hour ago, R_1 said:

Sources please.

I read that ages ago in some magazine or other. It was (a) on paper and (b) in German... the articles a G**gle search provided were older than the queen, so it might be outdated by now.

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7 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

The impression I get is that people are rejecting outright, not rejecting despite a connection.  Like, they will not even entertain dating someone “the wrong height.”

Yeah that's true actually in many cases, I think. I'm wondering how it would work if people 'clicked' online and somehow didn't get round to asking about height, and then eventually one person found out the other was way shorter than people they were usually attracted to. Although I suppose if it was that big of a deal, the topic would come up sooner... maybe...

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38 minutes ago, CBC said:

Yeah that's true actually in many cases, I think. I'm wondering how it would work if people 'clicked' online and somehow didn't get round to asking about height, and then eventually one person found out the other was way shorter than people they were usually attracted to. Although I suppose if it was that big of a deal, the topic would come up sooner... maybe...

A lot of people discuss stuff online as far as physical attraction goes. Personally, I get attached before ever seeing the person. *shrug*

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24 minutes ago, Serran said:

A lot of people discuss stuff online as far as physical attraction goes. Personally, I get attached before ever seeing the person. *shrug*

Yeah, depends how/where you meet online I suppose. Like... Tinder vs. discussion forum. I think it might be kind of important to me to have an idea of what someone looked like once I realised I was getting attached. There'd be certain physical 'nopes' for me, but they'd have to be pretty strongly off-putting ones. Plus knowing what someone looks like fosters a sense of closeness, getting to know them better, all that.

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12 minutes ago, CBC said:

Yeah, depends how/where you meet online I suppose. Like... Tinder vs. discussion forum. I think it might be kind of important to me to have an idea of what someone looked like once I realised I was getting attached. There'd be certain physical 'nopes' for me, but they'd have to be pretty strongly off-putting ones. Plus knowing what someone looks like fosters a sense of closeness, getting to know them better, all that.

I met my last partner from the net for a date before ever seeing a pic or anything. I just don't care about appearances. 

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2 minutes ago, Serran said:

I met my last partner from the net for a date before ever seeing a pic or anything. I just don't care about appearances. 

Hrmm yeah, I'd want the intimacy/familiarity that came with knowing what someone looked like, long before visiting in person for the first time. I just like to know all about someone's... existence. And that includes their appearance and even things like their everyday surroundings. Their whole life, really. It's part of becoming close to them.

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1 hour ago, CBC said:

I'm wondering how it would work if people 'clicked' online and somehow didn't get round to asking about height, and then eventually one person found out the other was way shorter than people they were usually attracted to. Although I suppose if it was that big of a deal, the topic would come up sooner... maybe...

The people I know personally do ask about it upfront, if they didn’t meet through a dating app (and round down because people lie).  Or they make sure all their friends know not to set them up with short men.

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1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

 

I don't think there's any evidence that humans respond to pheromones with attraction as other animals do.

 

Agreed, hence the disclaimer.

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27 minutes ago, CBC said:

Tinder vs. discussion forum.

I’m guessing people for whom appearance (in whatever way) is a big part of “clicking” with someone wouldn’t generally meet potential dates in discussion forums.  I mean, they might participate and become friends... but, if they need to see the person to develop attraction, friends would be where it stops.

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8 hours ago, ryn2 said:

I’m guessing people for whom appearance (in whatever way) is a big part of “clicking” with someone wouldn’t generally meet potential dates in discussion forums.

Yep, I'm sure you're right there.

 

Probably part of why things like Tinder irritate me so much. Ok yeah, you're attractive... and? Limited amount of space to write much of anything about yourself. I seriously don't have the energy to waste on just chatting to loads of randoms who make nice eye candy and manage to write something marginally interesting about themselves.

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The two times I met a romantic partner in meatspace (from initially only knowing each other online, because that's how all my relationships have begun), I did know what they looked like beforehand.  It's kind of useful for being able to identify each other at the airport if nothing else, but aside from the practicality of it I wouldn't particularly have cared if I didn't know beforehand.  Bodies/appearances just don't really play any part in what draws me to someone, at all.  (It's not all that different from how I've felt about my own body...)

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On 11/28/2020 at 3:12 AM, Philip027 said:

meatspace

I will never not hate that word. 🤢😂

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I find it very, very hard to believe that anyone finds it odd that, on the average, men are taller than women.  If you're for real, your friends are trolling you.  
 

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4 hours ago, Someone Else said:

I find it very, very hard to believe that anyone finds it odd that, on the average, men are taller than women.  If you're for real, your friends are trolling you.  
 

Was anyone arguing that?

 

As a woman who is taller than the average US man I can assure you that - for a fair number of people - it’s still choice and not just availability that underlies their partner selection.

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Same age is usually pretty common, for reasons of social compatibility, ie. one's life experiences and cultural references, values, expectations etc are easier to relate to when you're with someone of a similar age.

 

Height? Well I'm not sure, but with reference to heterosexual couples, many women prefer the guy to be taller (seems more attractive to them) and many guys prefer women to be shorter (they can feel intimidated by a woman who is taller than them). As a guy I don't get the guy perspective on that. Sure, a lot of guys think they don't have a chance, but most tall women I've met aren't expecting a guy to be taller, so it's a moot point in the end.

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Although I've never had many relationships, most of my partners have been slightly older than me, as I'm quite short, a few have been taller than me too, although I don't really put myself out there for relationships, I don't worry about age or height, it's the person that really attracts me. One of my best friends is the same age as me, his girlfriend is 22 years older than he is, they've been together for over 30 years, not interested in thing the knot, they've got a lot in common and they're happy together, I think that's what counts in any relationship

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My last relationship was with a woman considerably older than me. And almost as tall. And yes, there were a lot of people who were repulsed by the idea. There were even restaurants that asked us to leave because the "mother and son" being romantic was making others uncomfortable (we weren't even touching).

 

But, in the area I live, my interests are generally only shared by people in the younger age range, so it's far easier for me to talk to and develop friendships with them. I can talk to, and know people from 18 - 82, and get along well with them. But the only women who stick around and show an interest in a romantic relationship with me are in the 21-23 range. And I oddly find that I have more in common with them. Which I think has caused a few people to write me off as another middle aged man chasing young skirts. But I have also found that they are more accepting of mental health issues, and not as hung up on income. 

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On 11/26/2020 at 3:23 PM, ericwilkinson98 said:

I've heard it's rooted in gender norms and that couples with a much older and taller women are more likely to be traditional.

I would suppose the opposite, because the tradition is to marry your son as soon is he becomes 18 to any as rich and young girl as possible. Those were mostly not even 16, therefore smaller and - you guessed it - younger.

Weird enough that your friends make remarks about this, because it underlines the point that this "tradition" has not yet died out. We can observe many prominent men well above 60 marrying 20 year old girls. No one can tell me that this is a purely romantic relationship. However, there are as well old ladies (mostly widows) (re)marrying (much) younger men. I am not always sure about the intention behind those connections.

Anyway, you should love whoever you want as long as you are both adults and consenting to the connection, and -most importantly - able to consent to the relationship.

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