Sadness is Okay Sometimes: Mindfulness

[GingerRose]

Inspired by Brene Brown. By GingerRose.

It's normal for humans to want to fix sad emotions. But what about just allowing sadness to stay a while.

How do you comfort your loved ones?

 

[Exomancer]

When I have to comfort someone, I listen. I ask them if they want to talk about anything, and I listen to all that they have to say. 

[Gloomy]

It depends because there have been times when sadness and other negative emotions have made me hurt myself and even want to hurt other people, but yes sometimes just listening and being there for them is the best thing to do. I’m not a mental health professional and I kind of suck at giving advice so if someone I know is going through bad stuff I listen and let them vent.

[Guest]

I generally only go to other people when I'm sad if I think they'll be able to help me solve whatever the issue is, lol. Otherwise I feel it is pointless because I'm likely to keep having the problem and getting upset.

[LeChat]

I understand what you mean; sure, it's okay for others to feel sad.

 

It's just that if it's a pattern, where someone is always feeling sad, depressed, etc., that isn't necessarily good to just leave the person alone and not try to help them or try to convince them to get help, because like @Gloomymentioned, some people who feel sad/depressed a lot try to harm themselves. It does feel sad and lonely, struggling with depression, like that.

 

I went through depression when I was younger, so whenever I come across other young adults who feel sad, unhappy, etc. most of the time, and seem to have depression, like I did, I feel like it might be a good idea for me to try to help show support, to let the person know they're not alone (which helped me start to begin to feel a little better, when I was younger, with depression). I don't want anyone to harm themselves, commit suicide, etc. I'm glad I didn't go through with harming myself, and that I don't feel as depressed or as terrible, as I used to; so, I really feel it's important for me to, at least, try to let others struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, etc., know that they aren't alone, that depression isn't a personal "weakness" or their fault; that it's possible to feel better, years from now--that depression won't necessarily last, forever; that it's possible to get help and feel better, etc.

 

But, yes, if someone is normally happy/neutral and they're just sad at the moment, due to, say, a family member who's just died, then, of course, it's normal for them to feel sad and go through a grieving process and not need others' advice or pressure to try to get over their feelings as soon as possible.

[Guest]

I agree, but I had friends who used me as a crutch, constantly.

 

Its draining. 

 

Instead of being one to lean on, they crushed me as they became dead weights emotionally becoming dependent on me. Histrionic tantrums and blame would be shot my way if I

didn't comply. 

 

To me, I expect everyone to have bad moments. But if your entire life is a bad moment, I would leave that friend to their own devices. 

 

One day or another, we all must stand on our own at some point. 

 

 

[WoodwindWhistler]

As one of my characters once said, meditation is for dealing with negative emotions. I do not look for anyone to 'dump' my stuff on, and it's hard to think of allowing that the other way around, too. Why should *I* have to deal with *your* stuff? Somebody's gotta release it, and it ends up being *me* if conventions are followed. Whereas you could learn how to release it yourself. I view it as if someone asked me to do their laundry. Why? That's your responsibility. The exceptions to this is if someone is super traumatized, or needing help climbing out of a pattern. If you only want to whine, and not improve the situation, then what's the point of us interacting? I am getting increasingly impatient when people are like "unsolicited advice is annoying, I wish people wouldn't do it." I'm thinking of doing a comic where someone cuts their knee and says "no thank you I don't want a bandaid." Makes no sense to me. 

Maybe a good compromise would be to do some sort of specific mindfulness exercise with them. I do have a pretty soothing voice for guided meditations. 

[LeChat]

On 12/4/2020 at 11:36 PM, WoodwindWhistler said:

...I am getting increasingly impatient when people are like "unsolicited advice is annoying, I wish people wouldn't do it..."

Well, it does feel very annoying for some adults when they're exercising and doing things by themselves and older adults decide to, incorrectly, assume that they're a child, stop them and question them about what they're doing, whether they're waiting for a ride, and then, when a person tells them that they're not a child, but older and have been doing things like exercising in their neighborhood, alone, for decades, the older adult still decides to tell them that it's not a good idea, that they could be sexually assaulted, etc.

 

It's also a waste of time, being stopped by strangers who feel they have the right to know more about you, your life, etc., who want you to stop what you're doing to answer their nosy questions. They're not being helpful, at all, when the other person didn't even need any help or advice from anyone.

 

I don't have to explain to them that I already grew up abused, by family members, that I'm not oblivious to the fact that anyone could decide to harm me, but that I take my own precautions and don't allow myself to live in fear (it took me years to overcome extreme anxiety/fear about being attacked by strangers, while out in public), how strangers haven't physically harmed me and have left me alone, for decades, while out exercising.

 

They're not offering me any helpful, insightful advice, at all, but are, basically, telling me that they don't approve of me living my life by myself, doing things alone, that in their opinion, I should always have someone else with me, in public, because they feel I'll be attacked by strangers (apparently, there are adults who don't realize or understand that some adults don't have any friends, a partner, aren't interested in dating or having a partner, etc. to go everywhere with them).

 

So, yes, it feels insulting and controlling when some older adults do that; they think they're being "helpful," and "offering advice," when they don't know anything about another person, at all, how old they are, what precautions they take or whether they worry about their own safety, etc. and are just assuming they knew how old someone is, that because they're alone, they must be ignorant about their own safety and haven't ever been assaulted or abused, etc.

 

It really is annoying to be an adult who's constantly treated/assumed to be a child, by other, older adults, who like to butt in and assume things about their life, bossing them around and telling them what they think they should do with their life or how they should live it.

[WoodwindWhistler]

On 12/6/2020 at 4:08 PM, LeChat said:

They're not offering me any helpful, insightful advice, at all, but are, basically, telling me that they don't approve of me living my life by myself, doing things alone, that in their opinion, I should always have someone else with me, in public, because they feel I'll be attacked by strangers (apparently, there are adults who don't realize or understand that some adults don't have any friends, a partner, aren't interested in dating or having a partner, etc. to go everywhere with them).

Heh, only solution to that problem I could see is getting a large and/or intimidating dog. :^P 

It's obviously going to keep happening, so either try something different (idk, wear a gi while out walking?) or settle in for the long haul.