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How Hard is it for you to Say No?


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It is considered in some circles, as one of the major skills one must have for success. An ability to say no. 

 

Yet guilt, social obligations along with many other things, make it very difficult. 

 

Am a people pleaser by nature, so for me it literally is going against my fabric.

 

Does it depend on who or the setting?

 

Is it harder for you to say yes?

 

How hard is it for you to say no (to others)?

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Oberon Jasper

Next to impossible. I find creative ways to work around saying no directly.

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It would be easy if people would accept No as an answer. You never have to say it just once you have to keep saying No over and over to the exact same scenario. Worst off is then people want you to explain in detail why you say no. I said No why can't the conversation be done at that point?

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As I get older, it gets easier to say no.  It also gets easier to say no without giving any reasons for it. It gets even more easy to tell people to go F--- off these days, too.

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For me it depends. I can say no to strangers pretty easily, but it gets harder with the people I am close to. Especially if they pressure me constantly. Still, sometimes I manage to say no to them as well.

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I've always had a hard time saying no to people as I have a strong fear of disappointing people, especially the ones I'm close to. I've become a bit better at saying no and still phrasing it very politely, but it's still not something that comes easily to me at all and probably never will.

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Terminal people pleaser here.

I find it very difficult to say no. I have a real problem with being assertive. I've been working to overcome it for years and have made a little bit of progress, but it is still a major personality flaw.

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3 minutes ago, theV0ID said:

Terminal people pleaser here.

I find it very difficult to say no. I have a real problem with being assertive. I've been working to overcome it for years and have made a little bit of progress, but it is still a major personality flaw.

Same here. Sometimes, I care too much about others, hence I can't say no to them (because I think it would make them happy, which obviously is not always the case).

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I think there is only one person I would not, cannot, say no to. The rest of the people, apart from my family who I wouldn't be rude to, it's fair game. No means no and I'll carry an insult with it ; )

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BlakeTheNightowl~
2 hours ago, thylacine said:

As I get older, it gets easier to say no.  It also gets easier to say no without giving any reasons for it. It gets even more easy to tell people to go F--- off these days, too.

agreed tell people to fuck off xD

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I am admittedly a people pleaser, but I still have my limits and the recognition that you cannot please everybody.  So I wouldn't say it's a difficulty of mine

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It only took a burnout, but I'm pretty darn good at saying no these days. I'm still a people pleaser at heart, but I'm definitely more selective with what I agree to.

 

You don't always make friends by saying no, but life is definitely a lot nicer without people around you who keep on demanding things and abusing your inability to say no. Plus, most of the time they don't even appreciate the things you do for others, so why even bother.

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It depends on what it is and who it's coming from. It's hella hard to tell my parents "no", for example, as well as my partner and other close family. But telling strangers is getting easier as I raise my self-confidence. 

 

But I'll still tend to be polite or give an excuse or reason when I do say "no." 

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4 hours ago, Kieran :) said:

Next to impossible. I find creative ways to work around saying no directly.

Those usually start with "I would love to, but..."

 

And end with "I'm so sorry"

 

And

 

"I should be free to on" (their work day).

 

I am of course only speaking hypothetically. Honest.

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I'm definitely not a people pleaser, which is something my folks try to guilt trip me for.

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very hard, especially when this guy you hate asks you to hang out, but you wanna be nice and not hurt their feelings

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I'm better at it now than I used to be. Being able to say no is an important ability to develop. 

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9 minutes ago, A User said:

very hard, especially when this guy you hate asks you to hang out, but you wanna be nice and not hurt their feelings

urgh so much this. And every time you come up with some polite way to say no without actually saying no it just reinforces their delusion that you're friends and will hang out at some point in future...

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it's wayy harder than it should be. for those exact same reasons you mentioned too: guilt and social expectations. 

the only time i say no is when i have a conflicting event in my schedule. otherwise, it's gonna be a yes.

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4 hours ago, SpaceDustbin said:

It only took a burnout, but I'm pretty darn good at saying no these days. I'm still a people pleaser at heart, but I'm definitely more selective with what I agree to.

⬆️Pretty much this for me.

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It's a mix. I probably say "no" a little too often nowadays, lol, but I think that's because I've been trying to not agree to things I know I won't do and would feel guilt/anxiety about later. For some situations, I should probably stand my ground more (dealing with my dad), but some people I'm tired of arguing with and getting nowhere, so I'll just avoid them at all costs. I used to be in a toxic relationship that pushed me way past my limits in terms of helping people and agreeing to things, so I've had the rubber band effect of now I don't want to help people unless it's under very specific circumstances. I don't even like being around people at all, unless under very specific circumstances. 

 

When it comes to work situations, I am very comfortable in saying "no", especially to requests for coming in for extra shifts. I don't understand when people cave to going in for extra shifts they don't want or working for no/little pay, out of loyalty for the company that constantly mistreats them.

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20 hours ago, BlakeTheNightowl~ said:

agreed tell people to fuck off xD

I get a lot of practice these days with telemarketers.  :)

 

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On 11/24/2020 at 10:30 AM, uhtred said:

I basically can't say "no".  Its a problem

 

Very difficult, but I am getting better. I am a people pleaser. It's difficult for not to compromise my own opinions or wants for the happiness of others.

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14 hours ago, thylacine said:

I get a lot of practice these days with telemarketers.  :)

 

I found the best way to get telemarkerts to leave you alone is answer the phone by saying "Abandon all hope ye who call this number"

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It's easier as I've got older 

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