What do you feel when on dating apps?

[Kasq]

Hello! I'm pretty curious about people's attitudes towards/behaviour when using dating apps!

 

Personally, I enjoy making a profile and choosing my pics etc but I don't engage much beyond that. I'll open them when I'm bored. When I've been on Tinder I've enjoyed going through people and basically rating them on aesthetic attractiveness. Getting a match is a self-confidence boost, but I really can't be bothered to talk to people even when they message me first. I find on Hinge (where you have to start a conversation to match, no indiscriminate swiping right) I dismiss 99% of people and if someone does catch my eye (say with a funny bio) I'm still hesitant to match and often exit the app to avoid making a decision either way! I certainly don't see someone's profile and think I'd like to have sex with them.

 

I'm wondering (since I'm pretty confident I'm ace) if my behaviour is similar as well to aromantic people? I've never really felt the need for a romantic relationship but have never questioned it before. They could be very nice, I don't know.

 

So my questions to you are:

- How do you feel when using dating apps?

- Do you follow through with matches?

- What are your intentions when you use them?

 

Thank you!

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't use dating apps because I can't use any apps. My mobile phone looks like this:

(And to make it clearly, I'm happy to distinguish myself through not using a smartphone. And I'm just a "technological conservative" anyway...)

 

But as for dating sites - the computer-only user's alternative to applications - they don't work for me either. What I'm looking for is a close, intimate queerplatonic bond and I can't develop deep feelings for someone so quickly.

[Sean_Bird]

45 minutes ago, Kasq said:

So my questions to you are:

- How do you feel when using dating apps?

- Do you follow through with matches?

- What are your intentions when you use them?

 

Thank you!

I havent used a dating app/site in years, but when I did, I found them greatly entertaining. (I didn't know I was ace back then) I was very wary of meeting people from online, so I would browse profiles, have interesting conversations, but ultimately nothing really came of it. My online relationships never lasted long, nor did I develop any strong feelings for them. That was part caution, part immaturity, and part "I don't know what I'm doing".

[doorino]

I tried using them but I guess I'm a  bit more introvert, always have a hard time making a profile, choosing photos and stuff. Had some match on tinder and went out with people a couple of time... but I was never interested the same way they were, like I wont be attracted to them bc of the looks/ photos.

 

My intention when I tried using them was just try it, see what happens, too many friends insisting in using it.

[SorryNotSorry]

I stopped lurking on them for a couple of years before I gave up on romance altogether.

 

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN...

My last impression of them was that they were little more than online money-making operations which depend largely on the gullibility of horny younger men to stay financially viable, and that probably 90-95% of the female profiles are posted by volunteer ghostwriters who add stolen or cheaply posed photos of women as bait. After running a few searches online, I found out many of them were just companies owned by InterActive Corp of New York, which back then was made up of around 45% dating sites, and the other 55% unrelated to dating.

 

With the slow but inexorable decline in online dating since 2008-2010, it looked to me like IAC's non-dating companies were doing what General Motors had been doing for its Cadillac division during the Depression: funneling money into its loss leader because they don't want to admit "we couldn't make it work". Their only real competition was Eharmony.

[LeChat]

2 hours ago, Kasq said:

...I'm wondering (since I'm pretty confident I'm ace) if my behaviour is similar as well to aromantic people? I've never really felt the need for a romantic relationship but have never questioned it before...So my questions to you are:

- How do you feel when using dating apps?

- Do you follow through with matches?

- What are your intentions when you use them?...

I've never used them, but I suppose it could be possible that some aromantics--who are looking for a QPR (queer-platonic relationship)--might use dating sites.

[Guest]

I... couldn't form any real emotional connection on them. I dont like the expectation of romance. I prefer to let things happen naturally. 

[KayleeK]

I dont use dating apps they sound awful. 😝

[Faleeria]

I've used a dating app once in my life (before I realized I was unable to feel romantic attraction) and it felt so wrong.

 

Looking for a partner on purpose always felt like something I shouldn't do. It was like...Lying to myself in some way. It was a horrible feeling because I genuinely tried to make it a worthwhile experience, yet all I ever felt was regret for using such an app.

 

I met up with a person I got to know through the app like twice and both times, I only wanted to see them as a friend. Thinking of our meetings as "dates" only frustrated me because it stressed me out A LOT.

 

The reason I used an app like that in the first place probably was because I thought I should eventually start dating someone. My family sometimes bugged me about this and I forced myself to believe that looking for a date would be crucial and beneficial to me. I was so wrong about that.

 

So in conclusion, it was a bad experience (also disgusting to me) and I hope I will never use a dating app again.

[Rin G. Ito]

I don't really trust dating apps. For all you know the person behind the computer screen could be using a fake image, bio, interests, etc. Not to mention how as an asexual I really don't want to anything that could lead me to a romantic or sexual relationship. 

[DarkStormyKnight]

I have used Hinge and tbh I low-key hated it... It just feels like I'm dressing myself up like an object in a supermarket and trying to make myself sound fun and cool, and then wading through the same bullshit other people put up to try and find just someone to talk to. Having said that though, I did find 2 decent people that I'm friendly with now, so just goes to show that you can find other decent humans out there. It just takes some digging. I am glad that I'm not using it so much anymore.

[Chloe88]

 A few years ago I tried Tinder, not really in a serious way, but I was dreaming I'd find someone nice. But it was a really shitty, humiliating and nasty experience. I was dumb enough to give out my number and you can guess what sort of pictures I got sent by men.

When I declined dates I received abuse. This is normal in the world of dating ;(

[AspieAlly613]

 

[Homer]

The only way for me to end up on an online meat market would be a misclick.

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, AspieAlly613 said:

 

I was kind of the same. Like I would go, be captivated by some functions of the app. For example, in OKCupid there are many questions about your preferences and stuff and I am an avid phycological test lover and some of them were quite resembling. And after a day or two  I would realize that those are not the psychological tests, but actually questions to see if you match with a real someone, someone who is looking for something which you don't and then realize: What I am actually doing here? Because it is clear that I am not looking for a relationship 🤣

[Janus the Fox]

Not my thing Dating or Dating apps for me.

[Guest]

On 11/23/2020 at 7:12 PM, Kasq said:

How do you feel when using dating apps?

- Do you follow through with matches?

- What are your intentions when you use them?

 

I don’t use them anymore. Found someone crazy enough to want to put up with me for life o_O

 

Initially, I loved it. After a year or so, it became frustrating of having to deal with the flakiness, games and things stemming from it seems like a high volume of people who joined while rebounding so not looking nor ready for anything serious. 

 

I show vulnerability within a few weeks, and up go the hoops and walls already insurmountable. 

 

I never did the match thing. If I loved her picture, I would message. 

 

If I liked who I was talking to, I would progress from there. If I felt a connection after a bit of messaging, would initiate a meeting. 

 

My intentions were friendship, and if all went well, natural progression to a relationship. 

 

From my experience, I would get pressure for sex, and wasn't looking for sex. 

 

Just hated the experience and wouldn't ever do it again. Would rather die single.

 

Am genuine and suck at games. Am not built to date.

[EmmyMacaroni]

I used a LGBTQ dating app a few weeks ago and got a lot of attention, the girls never said anything to me though, and I was too afraid to say anything back. I also noticed a lot of drama a lot of girls being "catty" to each other calling other girls pictures fake and calling people names. I quickly deleted my profile, ( I was one of the view with the check mark on my profile meaning my photos were 100 percent me) I just didn't feel comfortable or safe with so many people on there who didn't have that check mark.  I don't really know what my intentions are, I don't know what I am exactly, just that I'm definitely not into sex. I've dated guys majority of my life, but I am attracted to females also its very confusing. 

[oldgeeza]

It wasn't a dating app I tried but a dating site, I looked at these sites, Ukrainian ladies, I admit I find Ukrainian and Russian ladies very attractive, I've been to both countries but never thought about dating sites, a friend of mine (who is very sexually driven) showed me a few sites, I looked at them but they're more like glorified sex sites, I was asked when I last"had it" or even whether I was "getting hard" looking at their photos or asked if I "wanted to ride them like a rollercoaster" obviously I didn't go back to that site, just doesn't appeal to me, I will say that the women pictured on there were very attractive, but even stating that I'm asexual didn't stop the comments, I will add that not everyone was like that, I didn't pay to use the sites so didn't reply to anyone

[riskygamble]

When it comes to social media and apps etc. I've always been kind of a luddite in that regard. I've never really been interested in them and was honestly terrified for a very long time that apps were going to be the only way for me to meet someone romantically (and hope that it wouldn't immediately turn sexual). I'm still very thankful to this day that I lucked out meeting my now-boyfriend through my job in college "organically" and not having to sacrifice my soul to find someone through an app.

[CeciThorne]

Stopped using dating sites a while back. Even the ones for LGBQT and Aces. Either no one was on or too much drama. The others were all about profit and didn't screen at all.