Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
serialcode26

I would like some advice please

Recommended Posts

serialcode26

Hello

I've 19 and never had a relationship (or done anything with anyone -not even been kissed yet) so unsure if im just overthinking things so thats why im here today. I have only had 2 crushes in my life both over them being people who were unavailable to date (members who had higher authority to me therefore wasnt allowed - the two were 5 years ago) I enjoy romantic movies yet I dont see myself in a relationship. I feel lonely in day to day life yet if someone did ask me out I wouldnt know what to do/i'd freeze and because of that I would say no. For instance, someone asked me out for coffee a few weeks ago - i politely declined - mainly because i wouldnt know what to do. I feel broken. 

However, i do see myself getting married yet the rest is just blank. I feel like an outcast as those around me have all been in relationships/someone has expressed interest in them. I occasionally find myself thinking about people yet I don't know if its a crush as it lasts for only a few days (hopefully that makes sense) I daydream yet i dont want anything to happen

Thank you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
elmas

Hi! I can relate so much to your experience! I am 26 now but when I was 19 I hadn't had a relationship before or even kissed anyone. I also felt lonely and like something must be wrong with me. To this day I am completely uncomfortable with people showing interest in me or flirting with me. I also freeze, blush really bad. One time a guy I was dancing with in a club kissed my neck and I freaked out, ran to the bathroom and hid for 30min. 

I am sharing this with you because I hope it will make you feel better. It has helped me a lot to find out about asexuality and find people that share similar experiences. 

For me, I knew asexual applies to me because I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone. But like you I enjoy romantic movies and also books so I always thought I was craving this myself. Romantic relationships. At the moment I don't know if thats true anymore. I am also confused. 

I hope I can offer you some solidarity. When I was 19 I felt something was wrong me because I didnt have the same experiences as my peers. I only discovered my asexuality a few weeks ago but now I feel like nothing was wrong with me. And there are probably a lot of people that had similar experiences. I hope finding the ace community will also make you feel better about yourself. You dont have to be asexual to benefit from the knowledge here. Everyone can learn about themselves by learning about sexuality. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Abigail Rose

If you are not ready then there is nothing wrong with that. It isn't going to feel right if you force it upon yourself. Trust your feelings and that will keep you safe. That's just my opinion. Although, if you hope to get married at some point, coffee is a decent place to start unless you prefer tea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lex-mex

I have felt very similar things to what it sounds like you're going through! I'm 21, but at 19 I had never been in a relationship. I had kissed a guy once but it was just 'eh.' However, I am a hopeless romantic and do see myself getting married, just no desire for anything sexual. Sometimes I confuse platonic love and romantic love, which frustrates me to no end.

I'm definitely still figuring things out, but adopting the label of 'asexual' actually took a weight off my shoulders. I still panic when people express romantic and/or sexual interest in me, but at least I know who am I now and what I want. Not sure if that helps, but I hope you know that there are others who are def struggling w this too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
space_an’gyne

Hiya there!

 

You aren’t late from anywhere, I reckon. I’m pretty much in the same shoes as you, running undated and unkissed, at 24. I’ve never even had a crush myself, I’ve just fallen in love with the one and only guy to have shown interest in me and asked me out, and even then I was a ball of nerves, steaming from the ears and looking red as a tomato the whole time we talked, having no idea whatsoever what to say or what to do (long story short, it didn’t play out because I already knew my heart and was upfront with him about my asexuality). This was three years ago, and I’m no less green in the romance department than I was back then, but I think my wishes/fantasies are better-formed at this point. I’d like to be in a relationship, to have an exclusive bond with someone I love and who loves me back, who accepts me as I am and is acceptable to me as he is. I’d like to kiss him, perhaps cuddle him every once in a while, but never to have sex with him, as I’m somewhere between averse and repulsed. I wouldn’t like to room up with him and share a house/flat, so when I imagine myself in a long-term relationship, it looks pretty much the same as dating: we meet either at my place or his, or go out for the day, then say goodbye at the end of the day. We’d sometimes just lie next to each other, each immersed in their own book; other times we’d have long-arse conversations and debates about said books. Except for the exclusivity thing and the smooching, it’s basically a BFF scenario I’m thinking about, but I can differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings based on those two aspects, if nothing else. Sweet dream, but I’m not entirely sure I would survive in an actual relationship, seeing as I like my personal boundaries a bit too much. I’d make a royal cock-up of it. Suppose I’m asked out by the same guy today – I wouldn’t know how to “keep” him any better than I did years ago.

 

I’ve written this out in the hopes that you get some inspiration from my story. If you can’t relate at all, don’t fret: you have all the time in the world to figure everything out and realise what it is you do and do not want in terms of relationships. If you think you get crushes but don’t want anything to happen in real life, perhaps you could look into the term “lithromantic”, which means that you experience attraction but don’t require reciprocation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...