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ashpenaz

Marriage for older asexuals?

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ashpenaz

I just turned 60. I've never been married. As another lonely holiday season approaches, I think I'd like to get married. I want something deeper than friendship. I want to know we'll take care of each other if we get sick--I'm terrified of Covid! I'm terrified of having a stroke! I'd like to travel--but it seems scary and boring alone. I'd like to buy Christmas presents for someone! 🎁 I'd like to sit at the piano and sing them love songs. I'd like to cook for them.

 

I'm homoromantic, so it would be to another man. How would I meet another asexual man who might want to get married? How would I meet someone that I find attractive who is also attracted to me? In 60 years, I have discovered that seems to be a null set. Are there men out there would be attracted to an overweight, aging, balding man without much money? And who doesn't have sex? And who wouldn't be jealous of my cat? 😾

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oldgeeza

You never know who you could meet, you've made a start, good luck, I hope you are lucky enough to find someone special

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alto

You know, Facebook is your friend here.  I used to frequent the Asexual groups on Facebook, and made some wonderful friends that way.  I also dated a guy who sounds  a bit like you (but not balding).  We broke things off after two years, but I was still very happy and very much in love.

 

So yeah.  I recommend Facebook.

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oldgeeza
1 minute ago, alto said:

You know, Facebook is your friend here.  I used to frequent the Asexual groups on Facebook, and made some wonderful friends that way.  I also dated a guy who sounds  a bit like you (but not balding).  We broke things off after two years, but I was still very happy and very much in love.

 

So yeah.  I recommend Facebook.

As someone who doesn't use Facebook or Twitter or anything like that, I never really thought about it as a way of meeting someone, but that or maybe asexual dating sites could be a good way to meet your partner

 

@altosorry to hear your relationship ended, I hope you're still happy now in whatever you're doing with your life these days

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alto
19 minutes ago, oldgeeza said:

 

@altosorry to hear your relationship ended, I hope you're still happy now in whatever you're doing with your life these days

I am.  Thanks :)

 

Most relationships end, sooner or later.  So I am not overly put out over that.  At least it was mostly happy.

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ashpenaz

I might try digging a bit deeper into Facebook--but I don't want to cyber-stalk anyone! 👀

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NewStart

I actually am married, but getting a divorce, due to the fact I am Asexual, and he is not...yikes!  Definitely not a good combo for either of us.  I really did try and to be a good wife in other ways.  I kept a very pleasant, organized home.  He never wanted for anything, non-sexual of course.  I really prefer the company of another as opposed to being alone.  At 53 and Asexual I wonder if the days of having a relationship, much less another marriage are over.😔

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Skycaptain

Ace dating sites maybe. Some, in pre-covid da, have met at meet-ups. 

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Techie

I am 58 myself and suffer from being heteroromantic. A real pain in my rear if you ask me. Never been married or on a serious date. There is one woman, four years my junior, who is a member of my church and who somehow manages to push all the right buttons in piquing my interest. She is divorced, quite attractive and she is friendly with my younger sister. Unfortunately, the intelligent part of my brain reminds me that "I" would be digging a deep hole that it would be difficult to get out of and that is even assuming there was some kind of reciprocal interest. I often get the feeling that she looks right through me as though I was invisible. Even my sister, who has known me her entire life and is aware of my ACEness, tells me it would be a mistake to get involved.

 

I have spent so many decades suppressing romantic feelings and interest that I am at a point the whole process would be alien to me. There is also the fact that I am going to be hitting the point where I am sure health issues will start to crop up and I just do not want to be a burden on someone else. I fully expect I may have pay for a medical aide either on a temporary or permanent basis in the future but I do not want to impose that on someone. I watched my mother practically crumble under the weight of my fathers health issues, and finally the cancer that killed him, and I just do not want to do that to someone.

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TerrysAwake

I just turned 62. Also, homoromantic, but graysexual. The search for a companion with like statistics I agree is a difficult challenge.

I'm also a bit of an introvert. So, it's more important for me to find that one special person then friends to hangout with. I also live in Arizona which seems to be one of the worst states for diversity. The one thing we asexuals have as an advantage is we're more interested in finding a soul then external perfection. I'd love to find that average guy, with the average lifestyle, but above average mind and heart.

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Akinee

Yea that Biological Clock is a thing, and sooner or later we all feel it.

It seems to be a thing around the holidays too, not just for us but, statistically, for everyone (even before the age of COVID).  I've wondered for years if I would ever "find someone", but I've mostly given up too.  Not just from being ACE (that was just the icing on the proverbial cake) but a gamer, who tends to run around a man-heavy world as "just one of the guys".....I've watched many of my male friends find someone over the years, have kids and build happy lives.  And then they ask why don't I find someone?  (Nobody knows I"m ACE, (though they could guess if they tried) I don't know if they'd understand and I don't want to explain - I expect I'll face the list of well-meaning statements that aren't actually helpful). 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not yet 50, am in good shape, with a decent job and stable life (I don't need to dye my hair yet! :D  ).  But....ACE?  Uh....yea.   There aren't enough of us out yet.  Hell I still have one foot in the "ACE closet" myself.  😕   I've poked around dating sites the past several months and what I'm seeing is a group that could be my children.   There's not much for the 30+ set that I've seen.  

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