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Captain Jay

I feel like a prude outside, but a perverted freak inside. Is this normal?

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Captain Jay

It's been a while since I made a new thread on here, huh? Much less one about asexuality. This thread title mostly speaks for itself, but because I can, I'll elaborate a bit.

 

Now, I've spent a lot of time on the Internet reading about various fetishes and kinks. Sometimes this is a viewpoint of "Huh, I didn't know people were into that", but other times, it also includes "Okay... so maybe I am, too". Thing is, I've kept them to myself for a few reasons. For one, there are a lot of them, including some that are bound to get me some funny looks.

 

A bigger reason, however, is that even on the Internet, I've felt way too timid (or perhaps cowardly) to mention or talk about them. In fact, even talking about "vanilla" sexual things can be difficult for me. I don't understand what this disconnect is about. The least I could do, I suppose, is start a Deviant Art account and try to wedge myself into some of the communities there... but I've tried signing up for that site three times, and each time, it felt like I was going out of my way to appear as bland and detached from my own work as possible.

 

I digress... this is probably not enough for a valid conclusion, but I've been putting it off for too long. What do you think? Would a list of the things I'm talking about provide some perspective, maybe?

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fiji_water

I think what you're describing is absolutely normal. I don't its abnormal for there to be a disconnect between how you talk about sex and how you think about it. I think a lot of people are like that simply because sex and sexual feelings are private to them asexual or not. It's also important to note that you're not perverted for having fetishes at all, it could be the craziest thing you could possibly describe and it still wouldn't be abnormal because its very normal for people to have kinks and fetishes. Human sexuality is super strange. Even if they don't know about it, I think everybody has some of sort of thing they like that could be considered "weird." That includes people on the ace spectrum.

 

If you think starting a DeviantArt account would be good then I think it'd be ok to go for it, even if you do feel detached from the communities there and your own work that's ok. Especially if you don't have many personal details you shouldn't have to feel like you need to be detached because it can be your own private corner to indulge in what you like, even with a community there that shares the same interests. 

 

I hope this is somewhat helpful, I do understand what you're feeling because I think its easy to feel disconnected from your sexual feelings especially if you think people may find them odd or react in a disgusted manner. Really I think its important to remember that those feelings are your own and since you can't change it and you're not harming anyone by liking those things, its for you to indulge in and enjoy privately or with a community if that's what you wish.

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alto

Maybe FetLife might be good for you?

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Scottthespy

Sounds normal to me. I've got a complicated tangled up kink-ball, where its like seven different fetishes but they all have to be present in the right ratios at the right times for it to work, and plenty of them are the 'would get me weird looks' type, and for the longest time I was the type to not talk about sex at all. I managed to get over it by working at a sex toy store and learning how to test the waters quickly, to tell who will be okay with what. For you, finding a place where you can feel so completely anonymous that it doesn't matter what you say might be beneficial. Some times all it takes is a little practice at talking about a topic to feel more comfortable opening up about it. 

 

I'd be happy to talk to you in a semi-professional manner, as some one who spends my whole work day talking to people about their fetishes and what gear will help them achieve the sensations they're going for. I've seen plenty of 'out there' stuff in person, there's really only one thing that can phase me, and that's actual harm caused to real people (harm here defined as: financial or tangible loss or physical or emotional hurt not wanted by the person(s) effected)

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Sean-Kat

I'd make an account, follow the groups you like, and watch from afar until you feel comfortable enough to engage with them. Start with favoriting pieces you jive with, work up to making comments, and eventually work up to contributing art or whatever thing you want to add, and figure out your place in the community.

 

You could also do what I do, which is just explore those topics on your own, or practice on your own (write short stories involving your kinks to get more comfortable talking about them, for example). Once you feel like your style is fleshed out enough, and you feel confident enough, then send your creations out into the vast chaos that is the internet and hope for the best.

 

Best of luck, have fun~

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Captain Jay

All right... okay. Here I am again, before this thread gets too cold.

 

Out of the many "interests" I've had (with feet, chubby and/or "strong" women, and furries being among the more notable), one I don't get in particular is why I have a fascination with headless women. I'm not an overtly malicious person, and I find even fake bloodshed hard to watch. If I really wanted to, though, I could try to explain it in one breath: "No, see, it's because I've been on-and-off interested in the Mortal Kombat series after being terrified of it as a kid, plus my mind is only so-so with faces and tends to interpret eye contact from strangers as a threat." There's at least some truth to that, but getting people to believe it would be another story.

 

As for finding like-minded communities, that's a noble idea, but my luck with online forums has been scattershot at best. Most of the time, it feels like I'm awaiting the moment when I spontaneously get bored of the site, or do something mildly embarrassing and run away in a panic as a result. I do doodle here and there, and I wonder if I should make myself draw sleazier or more niche material to grab people's attention. Sounds cynical, but it might beat being just "some schmuck with an Internet connection".

 

(I know, I know, this sounds weirdly eloquent from someone who worries about being able to use Internet forums properly, which is probably because trying to be spontaneous and "on the ball" usually backfires on me. This took all day to write, as did the original post... but that hasn't stopped me from mumbling "This is such a bad idea" right before hitting the submit button.)

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Lin G.

Oof yeah as an asexual person having fetishes is very hard. I do have a very embarrassing fetish that I can't date talk about it on the internet but I hate everything about it.

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Captain Jay

Well... still here. Just bumping this to see if anyone else had something to add. Maybe the answer is no. I'd be okay with that.

 

Now that I think of it, my posts in this thread almost sound like they could have been written by cartoonist Robert Crumb of Fritz the Cat fame. Coupled with some of the Internet communities I've seen, I'd certainly be in company, but I can only hope that it would be good.

 

Also, the explanations for my odd fascinations would probably be wasted on those who do get (or have) them and those who don't, albeit for different reasons. Either way, I've clearly gone from being "wacky" and spontaneous to thinking far too much and expecting insulting comments that might not actually appear. This is, in turn, clearly a problem.

 

At least I'm reasonably sure that the answer to the thread title is yes. So... there's that.

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GhoulFriend

I don't talk about my kink very openly, either. I only really have one (necrophilia),  and I've only recently started trying to understand it better because such thoughts have been lurking in my head for a while but I've always been afraid to talk about it to anyone. But this site seems helpful and welcoming to anyone really, so I feel pretty safe here. I do have a DeviantArt account too, but I don't post/talk about this stuff there. I feel like it's still too public. 

I think it's healthy to talk about these things, though. Just finding the right community can be the challenge. 
 

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