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Bookworm777

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Bookworm777

I'm new here, and I'm a little nervous too put myself out there online. Ive kept my asexuality hidden from everyone, but Covid has really made me realize that I need to explore my orientation more. Ive known since the 7th grade that I was different, but I couldn't pinpoint how until about a year ago, when I first heard about asexuality. I come from a super conservative family, and I guess I've just been stuffing down my feelings in an effort to appear normal. I've never found the idea of sex appealing with either gender. I have tried watching porn of both men/women woman/woman, and I just can't understand why people enjoy sex. My friends talk about how they're waiting for the right person, and I'm just sitting there quiet, thinking "Even if I met the right person, I still don't want to have sex." I feel out of place from my peers because I just find their talks about sex uninteresting. But the thing is, I do want a relationship, but I'm just not sure how to explain to a potential boy/girlfriend that I don't want sex. I also don't know how I'm supposed to explore my asexuality when I come from a small area in the south. Any advice or tips to ease my anxiety?

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Steel13

Welcome to AVEN!

Well, I think joining the forum and doing some research is a good first step. This is a really good place to talk through your feelings and uncertainties with people who can understand what you are going through. I myself am figuring out the relationships bit. One thing that I can tell you is that with s/o you should be upfront about your feelings on sex early on. While it might scare some people away, you have started the conversation and will be better able to find someone who is okay with no sex. It might take a longer time to find a s/o that way because so many people care about sex, but there are always people around who are willing to compromise or who don't mind the lack of sex. I also know that there are asexual dating apps that might be helpful. They may only be worthwhile if you are in a bigger place, but you could definitely investigate to be sure. 

I hope you find comfort on the forum!

Also, have some cake!

The Ultimate Chocolate Cake Recipe - Anna Theoktisto | Food & Wine

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argar

Welcome to AVEN.

 

In my opinion I think you need to make peace with who you are first, and then you can worry about what you want in life.

 

Coming to terms with what works for you is huge!

 

I echo the sentiment above in believing that joining this site is a good first step.

 

Just knowing you are not alone is huge!

 

Being different doesn't make you better or worse than other people, it just makes you different.

 

In that difference, you nee to come to terms with what will and what will not work for you, and what you are willing to sacrifice to get what you want.

 

Keep in mind you have plenty of time.

 

Rarely in life do things need to be done right at this moment.

 

I hope some of the above is helpful.

 

Have a beautiful night. 

 

 

 

 

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Lichley

Welcome! Yeah the sense of community is a real comfort when you’re stuck feeling like the only one in the world, plus it’s good to talk with people who feel the same way as you, and now you have thousands of them from all over the world :D 

I’d say trying to find some accepting people you can be open with is a good idea. Having someone you can trust and talk to about the personal things in your life without fear of judgement is a great thing to have, albeit rather rare in this day and age.

la-fo-proof-chocolate-cake-20160213&f=1&

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LetzLill

Hi and welcome! 🍰

I feel similarly to how you do about relationships, actually I just ended one because he wanted more than I did. I wish I had known I was asexual from the beginning so I could have told him first before he went in with any expectations and I ended up hurting him. 
I think that telling someone about your asexuality before you start dating them is probably the best move, but make sure they know what you are ok with too. Some people I’ve come out to thought that asexuality meant having no romantic attraction, and some didn’t realize that I was uncomfortable with the idea of kissing too. 
sorry this ended up being a lot but I hope it helps :)

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GingerRose

cake!

Bookworm Cake - 8/4, 10:30-12 — Sugar Drop Inc.

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