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Sorah Ismel

Research on Asexuality

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Sorah Ismel

Hello! My group mates and I are currently working on a school project about Asexuality and would like to reach out to Asexual individuals to know more! :)

 

  1. How did you find out about asexuality?

  2. When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  3. Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  4. Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  5. Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

  6. How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

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artisanneighbor

1. Through my friends and social media (tiktok)

2. 6-ish months ago

3. Yes, I think people group asexual and aromantic together a LOT. And most, if not all, of the people who invalidate the community just don't get it and are too closed minded.

4. Some of them do, yes

5. I haven't come out to a lot of people but the ones that i have come out to are supportive, that is also why I chose to come out to them, I knew they'd be supportive no matter what.

6. I think social media and magazines would be the most effective places to spread the word. Something else that I think would really help is if a celebrity identified as ace because I think it would show people that anyone can identify as ace and they would see that it actually does exist.

 

(hope this helps!)

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Janus DarkFox

Moved to Visibility and Education Projects

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

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Osiyo_Waya
  1. Google search along the lines of "being unable to feel love/desire for sex". I don't remember exactly, but I think the first thing I came across was a YouTube video by AmeliaAce regarding asexuality.
  2. I started identifying as asexual within a few months of learning about it. I wanted to learn as much as I could and let that sink in before I started describing myself that way. It made too much sense to be anything else. I've only come out to one person so far, and that wasn't until almost a year later.
  3. Yes, I think asexuality as a whole is misunderstood, because unlike most other orientations, which are largely defined by who you are attracted to, asexuality is the lack thereof, which is a concept that many have trouble even grasping, let alone accepting.
  4. Arguably, few things are more valued in society than sex, and anyone who seems to be apart from that is immediately questioned and often dismissed outright. In many queer spaces, freedom of sexuality & sexual expression are often the core themes, and asexuals are, as best I can tell, perceived as a threat to that.
  5. The only person I came out to had never heard of asexuality, so I had to explain it. They did seem to accept the split-attraction model, which made things easier to explain.
  6. For me, one thing I think that would help is to have a clear & consistent explanation of asexuality. I often hear "not interested in sex", "doesn't want to have sex", or "thinks sex is disgusting". While these are all potentially true, they don't apply to every asexual person. I think being specific about describing asexuality as "someone who does not experience sexual attraction" would better establish a baseline that can be expanded upon when describing the many facets of the asexual spectrum.

 

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laLibby

1. I think I was googling "what is my sexuality quiz" and I got asexual on some of them so I looked into it more and made my way to tumblr.

2. 15 years old (I'm 21 now)

3. I think there are tons of misconceptions. Some people think aces just don't want to have sex, or are incels, or celibate, or just haven't tried sex, or haven't found the right person, or are robots, etc.

4. Yeah some do, but it's such a big community that of course there are going to be different views and opinions. 

5. The few friends of mine that I told were super chill about it. They asked me questions but didn't really assume anything. Some people don't really get it though.

6. I think the best thing would just be more representation in the media. I wish asexuality wasn't something that we have to constantly explain time and time again. 

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Homer
17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:
  • How did you find out about asexuality?

A magazine article some 15 years ago. That one was centered arounnd sex-repulsed folks.

 

 

17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:
  • When did you start identifying as an asexual?

I don't do this "label" stuff.

 

 

17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:
  • Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

Yes. I think that's because there's a lot of (unnecessary) confusion where common sexual behaviour gets shoehorned into some kind of "asexual spectrum".

 

 

17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:
  • Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

Probably. I'm not involved in LGBT stuff at all whatsoever, so I couldn't tell one way or the other. It just seems silly to assume that there is no such thing as people excluding or disregarding each other.

 

 

17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:

Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality?

On here? Yes, loads.

Personally? No. Probably because I don't throw "labels" around. "I'm not interested" gets the message across just fine.

 

 

17 hours ago, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

Do the homework first and get our shit together regarding the definition, then actually stick to it.

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Lichley
On 11/11/2020 at 6:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  • How did you find out about asexuality?

  • When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  • Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  • Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  • Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

  • How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

1. YouTube, I had a friend who was trans FTM so I was researching the LGBT+ community and it came up in a related video.

2. At 16 (20 soon)

3. Very often misrepresented. Have a link to an article on Asexuality in the media if you’re interested:

https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/3/26/16291562/asexuality-tv-history-bojack-shadowhunters-game-of-thrones

4. Absolutely. I’ve seen a lot of it online and irl where they are very excluding of asexuals. There are some groups that have been supportive, but I’ve seen a lot of hate.

5. I think my folks got the idea, but they tend to forget or not understand how it works in terms of romantic relationships vs sexual relationships.

6. I say getting the message out there correctly through any media source is the right way to go. I’ve seen a fair few newspaper articles which are great in concept but not usually well-executed. Absolutely love Bojack Horseman’s representation of the community, as it has brought so many new members to us, I was in the welcome lounge forum for months afterwards watching it overflow with new members who had just found us, it was great :) 

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Proxy_Prone
  1. I honestly can't remember, probably via the internet though.

  2. At 20, though I knew since I was 18.

  3. Yes, we often get invalidated. I think it has to do with a lack of understanding about what it means to be asexual. I didn't always know what asexual was or that I identified as ace. I feel that most people are as unaware of what asexual means as I was before I started educating myself.

  4. Yes, but I think all of the groups experience exclusion by some other group.

  5. Nearly every time I say I'm asexual, I have to explain what that means. So, yes. I'd say most people misunderstand asexuality. A lot of people assume all aces don't have libidos and don't experience arousal of any kind. Being ace for me, just means I'm not interested in participating in sexual intimacy. It has nothing to do with what I chose to do alone.

  6. I love this website. I love that there are people on here, like you, who are engaging in our community. I would love to see more articles or magazines bring asexuality into the public's eye. I think an ace celebrity icon would help break the ice, like it does so often with other identities. 

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Onomatopoet

1. Heard about it from an allo friend in class when I was 16. Got interested, googled it and read more on Tumblr.

2. First at 17, more comfortably and certainly at 20.

3. Not really. I've seen the concept to be easy to understand, even if it's hard to relate to.

4. I've heard about that but I've got no personal experience.

5. -

6. Side characters in mainstream culture. I don't want books or movies about asexual protagonists learning about their asexuality; I wan't books and movies with a random ace side character because it's an interesting charasteristic and a part of real life..

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Ferocia

  1. I found out through some friends and then online research. 

  2. Almost two years ago now!

  3. I do. I’ve been told “it’s just a phase” or “you haven’t met the eight man yet” or “you’re to young to know” (I’m a cis woman who wasn’t out as bi at the time of the second statement) 

  4. I know kids in a GSA who told me I’m part of the “straight” part of gsa (before I identified as biromantic) so I’d say yes to this one too. 

  5. My friends are understanding, so luckily I only got that from my mom who quickly tried to understand 

  6. I don’t actually know

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I_Like_Art

1. My lesbian friend mentioned it in the hallway at school as a joke not relating to me

2. I thought I was asexual about 6 months ago, but then I decided I wasn't for 5 1/2 months and now I think I am ace again.

3. I think we are often misunderstood, but that wouldn't be a problem if we had more representation.

4. My bisexual friend laughed it off when I was first questioning, and then when I re-came out she said that it's sad, but that was out of ignorance.  once I explained it to her she apologized.

5. same thing as number 4

6.  probably putting it in tv shows, and books and movies would have a big impact on awareness, but that's hard to get that stuff published.

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Steel13
On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. How did you find out about asexuality?

  2. When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  3. Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  4. Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  5. Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

  6. How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

1- I saw a youtube video about asexuality just by chance when I was (17 or 18?)

2- I started "officially" identifying myself as asexual when I was 20. I started suspecting around 11 and pretty sure around 18, but I was too afraid and upset by the idea to accept it until later.

3- Very much so! I think a big part of it is that many people have never heard of asexuality and therefore do not know what it entails. I also think it goes against most traditional values, which is threatening to people and makes many think it is something it is not.

4- While I have not gone to any lgbtq+ gatherings, I hear about asexual people being excluded all the time. I am very aware of lgbtq people saying that asexual people are not oppressed and therefore should not be included in the community.

5- When I told a high school friend I was questioning my sexuality, she thought I was cold and unfeeling. She said I was lucky I did not need love, which was heart-breaking. My mom told me I was a late bloomer when I tried to come out at 20 and told me my feelings would change if I just waited. I have been told that I cannot be asexual because I have a libido, which is not how asexuality works. I was also regularly referred to as a robot, alien, or pure child growing up whenever I mentioned my lack of attraction to others.

6- I think asexuality needs to be in all forms of media. There are very few asexual characters in TV and movies, so there needs to be more representation. In magazine/news articles about the LGBTQ community, asexuality needs to be included. When characters or celebrities are purposely single and not to be attracted to people, they should not be called spinsters, loners, old maids, ect., but should be acknowledged as asexuals.

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Sean-Kat
On 11/10/2020 at 10:26 PM, Sorah Ismel said:

Hello! My group mates and I are currently working on a school project about Asexuality and would like to reach out to Asexual individuals to know more! :)

 

  1. How did you find out about asexuality?

  2. When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  3. Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  4. Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  5. Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

  6. How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

1. I think Facebook. I followed a lot of lgbt pages and stumbled across an ace humor page. For *some reason* I connected to their posts and jokes more than any other group I followed.

2. I dunno.... around 24 I think?

3. and 4. I think there's some debate about the definition, who's included, and then a general problem of people nowadays liking a word and trying to change established definitions to meet their experience rather than finding a more accurate word to describe their experience/identity. There are also people who get overly excited to start defending someone, so they'll get into unnecessary fights and spread misinformation. Most of the LGBT+ realm is evolving and finding it's footing. Unfortunately, because discrimination against asexuals isn't as direct as homophobia, a lot of people in the lgbt community think aces shouldn't be included. I've heard a lot of shitty stories about aces facing backlash in queer spaces.

5. I haven't had any bad experiences personally. My friend accidentally outed my partner at a party, which was awkward, but we were around my friends who had no connections to his friend circle/family, so it ended up okay. (My friend has aspburgers, however you spell it, so she struggles to understand things like that. It was legit an accident.) Most people I've told, including my mom, have been chill about it. They asked questions and I answered.

6. Be out, proud, and inclusive when able. ^^

 

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A User
On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  • How did you find out about asexuality?

  • When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  • Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  • Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  • Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

  • How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

1. the internet exists i guess

2. recently, still trying to figure ways to come out or whatever

3. maybe, but im not really "fully" in there

4. same as 3

5. havent told anyone

6. movies, social media, news, etc.

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eeza17
On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. How did you find out about asexuality?

My friend was telling me that she was ace, and I was like "oh this sounds like me"

On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. When did you start identifying as an asexual?

 

Age 16

On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

 

Yup. The world is hypersexualized, and if you aren't into that, then you've got some problems...

On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

 

know they do.

On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

 

Hooooo boy, yes. My school psychologist made me come out to her, and then tried to convert me to be non-ace. The audacity! I think a big distinction people forget is that ace means not being attracted. Yes, you can be repulsed (🤚meee) but even if you enjoy sex, you don't necessarily need to be attracted to the person before doing it. 

On 11/11/2020 at 1:26 AM, Sorah Ismel said:
  1. How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

Well, if somehow the "enemies to lovers" trope was forgotten. Or "friends to lovers,"  or really any mainstream thing were the "endgoal" is to be sexual buddies.

 

 

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ZCE
  • How did you find out about asexuality?

Someone I knew came out as ace, then I looked up what asexuality meant, and then suddenly I realized I fit that definition perfectly and that therefore I'm ace too.

  • When did you start identifying as an asexual?

The moment I found out what it meant to be ace. This was about two weeks ago. (I am less than 30 years old.)

  • Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

I think certainly. I initially thought asexual meant more like agender or something. Plus the world is so sexualized people might think it's impossible not to be ace.

  • Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

I think it's certainly possible, but I haven't gotten into general LGBT+ groups.

  • Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

Haven't come out to many people other than here and my parents, who already figured I wasn't going to have children anyway.

  • How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

Websites more than magazines, IMO.

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Warriorbookworm
On 11/11/2020 at 11:56 AM, Sorah Ismel said:

Hello! My group mates and I are currently working on a school project about Asexuality and would like to reach out to Asexual individuals to know more! :)

 

  1. How did you find out about asexuality?

  2. When did you start identifying as an asexual?

  3. Do you think asexuals as a group is often misunderstood? If so, why would this be so?

  4. Do you think some of the lgbtq+ members exclude the asexuals or disregard them?

  5. Any experiences of people misunderstanding asexuality? (eg: when you come out to your friends, what was their reaction?)

6.How do you think we can spread awareness about asexuality? (e.g magazines, website)

1.I found out aboout Asexuality from a fanfiction about a character from my favourite fandom being asexual.
2.14 years old

3. I haven't experienced misunderstoodness, but I know about it being a problem

4. I have heard of it. 

5. No(probably because I have come out in places I know will be accepting, no need to bear the pain of rejection when you can pass of as being straight, right?)

6. I think we need web resources until aces can band together, because physical resources need a wall of sorts.

 

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