Jump to content
Poodding

I do like sex. But I think I'm I asexual. How does that work?

Recommended Posts

Poodding

So one thing I am sure of is that I am aromantic. I feel no need to have a romantic partner in life. I also do physically enjoy sex and see myself as a sexual person. However I have never been sexually attracted to someone. I can tell when someone is good looking and might be a desirable sexual partner but I just don't desire people or have crushes on them. So I guess my question is can you be Asexual and still have a desire to have sex? I hear so much about asexual people being disinterested or repulsed by sex  and not being sexual people, it really confuses me...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CBC

How are you defining 'sexually attracted'? You could be aromantic but not asexual if you're still driven to have sex with people. Aromantic sexual people exist. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

There's a couple of questions you could ask yourself...

 

1. If you never had sex again, would it bother you?

2. If you were in a relationship, would it bother you if your partner didn't want to have sex with you?

 

Asexuals tend to say no to these, sexuals tend to say yes. It's a bit clearer than 'do I feel I thing I wouldn't be able to identify because I don't know if I've felt it', as criteria.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Poodding

The answer to question 1 is no it really wouldn't bother me or perhaps it would bother me as much as if you said I can never go on a rollercoaster again. I guess i would mind a little, rollercoaster are fun to ride every now and then but would it make any difference in my life, not really.

 The answer to question 2 is difficult because I would not mind if my partner never wanted to have sex with any one but if they specifically didn't want to have sex with me I would be hurt. As much as I don't really understand sexual attraction to a person I would feel like I was lacking something if no one was attracted to me. But I think that might just be a societal thing where women are valued by there perceived attractiveness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Poodding

I guess I define sexually attracted or not sexually attracted as never having seen someone or been with someone who makes me want to have sex with them. I hear people going on about how sexy they find someone or other and I just can't relate, it is a concept that seems totally foreign to me.  Sex to me is physically enjoyable but not necessary and I know this is terrible to say but not emotional or at all about the other person. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
3 minutes ago, Poodding said:

I guess I define sexually attracted or not sexually attracted as never having seen someone or been with someone who makes me want to have sex with them. I hear people going on about how sexy they find someone or other and I just can't relate, it is a concept that seems totally foreign to me.  Sex to me is physically enjoyable but not necessary and I know this is terrible to say but not emotional or at all about the other person. 

Sounds pretty usual for an asexual, to be honest, and not in itself, in the least terrible.

 

I think getting a sexual partner to not be hurt by 'I'm really never bothered about having sex with you, but it's important you want to  have sex with me' is going to be ... tricky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Poodding

Yes very tricky, perhaps I best just stick to having sex with myself. I can barely understand it myself let alone explain it to a partner. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CBC

Ok so yeah, if you've never felt sexual desire for someone for any reason at all that's about them specifically, then that's not what most sexual people experience. How important it is to you to pursue sex for the sake of the physical experience would be what I'd personally use to determine asexuality in this case. If sex is pleasant enough when it happens but you're totally fine going without, that sounds pretty asexual to me. If you super duper love and crave partnered sex and are actively pursuing it with basically anyone who'll have you (NOT saying you are, btw; just using an extreme example to make a point) but you said you were asexual because you didn't feel any specific draw or connection to any of your partners beyond the fact that they were willing... well, I'd question how 'asexual' that behavioural pattern was.

 

Anyway. Doesn't sound like the latter is the case with you.

 

Ultimately, what matters most is that you're open with any partners or potential partners about how you feel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Janus DarkFox

Moved to The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Poodding

I don't crave or pursue sex ever. I honestly haven't had sex in years.  But I do enjoy it when it happens. And in all the "labels" of asexuality I have heard there is always this component of either being repulsed by sex or sort of  gritting your teeth and baring it to please a partner. Maybe i need to do more research but that is not the case with me, and that is the only thing that stops me from fully embracing the term asexual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Oh there are some asexuals who do enjoy it, but when I've asked them more closely about what that enjoyment means exactly, it turns out to be often in the realms of being similar to a fairground ride, as you said. Good fun and physically pleasurable, but not the far more intense way sexuals enjoy it - that's why we pursue it as well as the emotional connection stuff. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Georgi
13 minutes ago, Poodding said:

I don't crave or pursue sex ever. I honestly haven't had sex in years.  But I do enjoy it when it happens. And in all the "labels" of asexuality I have heard there is always this component of either being repulsed by sex or sort of  gritting your teeth and baring it to please a partner. Maybe i need to do more research but that is not the case with me, and that is the only thing that stops me from fully embracing the term asexual.

Hmm, not all asexuals are sex-repulsed. Here is more info about the attitudes towards sexhttps://www.asexuality.org/?q=attitudes.html. Also, the term Cupiosexual may be of help, here is a thread about it 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Poodding

Georgi, that makes total sense to me. Thank you. 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving
2 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

There's a couple of questions you could ask yourself...

 

1. If you never had sex again, would it bother you?

2. If you were in a relationship, would it bother you if your partner didn't want to have sex with you?

 

Asexuals tend to say no to these, sexuals tend to say yes. It's a bit clearer than 'do I feel I thing I wouldn't be able to identify because I don't know if I've felt it', as criteria.

I think these two questions are a great way to approach it.

 

like I’m asexual and would answer a solid no to both of these.


You sound to be maybe similar to me, I find sex can be physically enjoyable, but it’s not something I’m going to seek out for myself. I can do it for my partner, I can have a good time, but if given the choice between having sex and just cuddling, I’m gonna go

with the cuddle.

 

I’ve tried initiating it, and I find if I’m not asked, I really never think about sex, and even after agreeing to initiate it for a partner I just can’t follow through and do it.

 

If I’m feeling any kind of pent up sexual anything (which I admit for

me super rare), even if there is someone there, I’d still

rather just deal with it myself.

 

I don’t know of any of this sounds familiar. I do know that this was something that for years made

me think I could be asexual, even as all my relationships had problems because of my lack of interest in sex 

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...