Asexuality and You

[jordayn47]

Hello! My name is Jordyn and I am a freshman in college. I am writing a speech about asexuality for one of my classes. I plan on discussing my own experiences, but I would also like to hear about the experiences of others. You can feel free to discuss whatever you want, but here are a couple of questions that I would really appreciate if you can answer. 

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

*Can you also say if you would be okay with your response being shared in my speech and if so, would you like to remain anonymous? If you are okay with your response being shared, can you share your name and age?*

Thank you!

 

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Visibility and Education Projects

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[EmilyWorkman]

Hi, I'm also a fellow college student!

 

1) Asexuality to me is what I feel about sex and sexual relationships. That is, nothing. I don't have a desire to engage in such relationships. In fact, I'm quite repulsed by them.

2) I've felt relived and excited to be a part of an asexual community because I'm the only person I know who feels this way. Just reading about other people's experiences and the advice people have for each other helps me a lot.

3) Our society is so weird to me! The sexualization of people's bodies (especially women's bodies) in order to sell products makes no sense, and makes me a little sick. In my opinion, it's an indictment of Capitalism, but it goes beyond just that school of thought. Throughout history, in art, in literature, and in popular culture, sexualization and objectification has been deemed normal and even beautiful, and I've always wondered when people are going to wake up and see how weird this concept is!

 

As an aside, one thing that may be relevant to your speech: In my college, every student has to take a short online course on consent. It's super useful to most students (I assume), but it made me extremely uncomfortable. The fact that sexual promiscuity is simply assumed completely alienates people like me that intend on abstaining from such activity, at least through the college years (lifelong in my case).

 

I'm okay with you sharing this response. I'm Emily the 20 year old

[Plushval]

Hi, I'm a student at a University in Germany. Here are my experiences:

 

1) Asexuality in my case means that everything that has to do with sex and romance is mostly in my fantasy. I read fanfics and I like to watch shows and movies where there are romantic and/or sexual scenes as well (only if it's not too cliche though). To me, it's like my sexuality is my own thing. No other person is involved in it. Being sexual, in my world, means being by myself, privately.

 

2) I really like the community and I think great things have come out of it. I love this fandom, it gives me a great place to share and just talk, cause ni the end no one around me really understand, except for my Ace friends that I have found now, which I'm also really thankful for. It's super important to have people really understand you, in my opinion. And I laugh my ass off at ace memes...

 

3) I'd say that society has lurred me into believing I was hetero for 20 years. It did have a huge impact. But all the bad or weird experiences I've made until then did not only have to do with my asexuality and aromanticism. Still, I came to realize that it did have a big influence in my personality. It still took me a long time to realize everything, probably because I didn't really feel a contrast between sex based society and my own thinking. And that has to do with me being very open and sex positive. So it was a bit harder to figure out that I was actually aro ace, because I was never averse to it.

 

* You can share my experiences if you'd like. I'm 21 years old now, almost 22. And for my name you can just say Val.

[GhostShark]

33 minutes ago, jordayn47 said:

 

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

*Can you also say if you would be okay with your response being shared in my speech and if so, would you like to remain anonymous? If you are okay with your response being shared, can you share your name and age?*

Thank you!

 

for me asexuality means i experience little to no sexual attraction. I spent my whole life thinking I was either bi or pan, not realizing that the sexual aspect ( or lack of it) was normal or that there was a name for it. I kept it hidden under the understanding it was abnormal or because of my own confusion. perhaps I was just picky? but no, its very normal, granted there are about 1% of us but still...To know there is a community out there is so much less isolating for me, and granted there is so much i wish were out there but to have even, and yes even Amino is a major bonus for my mental health. I still have a lot of exploring to do regarding who to be open to and societal pressures and acephobia, but i Know that I'm not alone, not anymore. seeing sex so prevalent in society that I'm honestly kind of grossed out by it? especially porn. people learn so much inaccurate stuff from it and its become the norm to the point that they end up disappointed or even mad when sex doesn't meet expectations. Its porn, not reality. they're acting. I'm not anti sex by any means, I'm indifferent to it.  personally its a take it or leave it thing for me and I'm ok with doing it if I find the right person, but the "your a slut if you have sex and a prude if you don't" thing is what gets me. its very confusing and makes it all defeating. sex is sacred, to be decided by the individual, not religion, government or communities. The idea that ace people don't have sex, or even enjoy it also annoys me. some do. some are even into bdsm! its NOT a black and white issue! under the right circumstances it could even be fun. again, depends on the person entirely! above all else love does not equal sex! love is boundless, sex is just an act that can be applied to a couple, or to strangers, love is not always in the dynamic of sex. you're welcome to use my aven name and age (31) if you like!

[ClarkieRoo]

1. To me, asexuality is about who I'm sexually attracted to, not about sex in general. The idea of sex does not repulse me (though it is very hard for me to imagine myself having sex) it is more that I just don't actively feel that sexual attraction towards anyone. For example, a straight woman is only sexually attracted towards males, but that doesn't mean if she were to have sex with a woman it wouldn't be pleasurable. Personally, I don't feel the need for partnered sex be a part of my life. 

2. I have not associated with the asexual community for very long, as I have only just recently come into my identity, but I am already so thankful to have it. It's been really lonely trying to think through my sexuality. Before I really knew about asexuality I thought there was something wrong with me. Having a community of people to talk to about our shared experiences and questions has been extremely helpful and makes me feel like I'm not alone.

3. We live in a heteronormative society which led me to believe I was straight until recently. I knew I didn't like girls, so I thought I must like guys. I thought perhaps I was just picky or a late bloomer. Once I got to high school I stopped telling people that I had never had my first kiss or even my first crush because it became something to be embarrassed about. I remember being shocked in 10th grade listening to a girl at my lunch table talk about making out with her boyfriend. All throughout high school, every time a girl got a boyfriend I would never understand what she saw in him. Flash forward to now, I'm in my first year of college away from home and I started really wondering what was wrong with me that I just didn't find any boys attractive. My friends will talk about which boys in our classes are cute, and casually talk about hooking up and I was shocked because I didn't realize people actually thought that way. Once I became aware of my sexuality, I really started to notice every time relationships or sex was brought up in my life. It is in every part of my life, from movies to small talk with strangers. I feel excluded from conversations. I feel like the idea of sex is constantly pushed down my throat. But recognizing my asexuality has really helped me no longer feel that pressure from society that I'm "behind" with sexual experience or that I'm lame for never even having my first kiss.

 

*You can share my response, I would like to keep my name anonymous but you can say that I'm 17 if you would like.

 

[Homer]

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

What does asexuality mean to you?

No desire for partnered sex. Also, no means no.

 

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

How important is having an asexual community to you?

That's a tricky one. Sex has virtually zero impact on my life. I ended up here because I had a question after I got friend-dumped by who I thought was my best friend. Stayed because the community is really nice, but the friendships I found are neither based on nor centered around asexuality.

 

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

Not at all. Well if you want to count getting friend-dumped, you can do that. I view not wanting to have sex as not any different than not being intetested in fishing or watching football or listening to kpop.

 

You're free to do whatever you want with this

 

(male, 38yo)

[senACEay_11]

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

Hello! My name is Jordyn and I am a freshman in college. I am writing a speech about asexuality for one of my classes. I plan on discussing my own experiences, but I would also like to hear about the experiences of others. You can feel free to discuss whatever you want, but here are a couple of questions that I would really appreciate if you can answer. 

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

*Can you also say if you would be okay with your response being shared in my speech and if so, would you like to remain anonymous? If you are okay with your response being shared, can you share your name and age?*

Thank you!

 

1. For me, asexual means that I do not have any desire to have sex and i am not sexually attracted to anyone.

2. I've found that this community has helped me through a lot, even in the short time I've been here, so I find it very important. This community has helped me through things not only asexuality related, but also with things regarding my romantic orientation and things going on in my personal life.

3. Society being so heavily sex based hasn't exactly impacted me too much, as I am not at an age when my family is expecting me to have/have had sex, but I do find that I cannot relate to others when they express their sexual interest in someone. So, this can lead to me feeling alienated and different. But, for the most part, it hasn't impacted me too much.

 

I would be okay if my response was shared, but I would like to remain anonymous please!

 

Good luck!

[Karekare]

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

Not finding people sexually attractive, and also being able to go my whole life never having sex and feeling satisfied anyway (I am demisexual,  but I think my feelings toward sex are common with a lot of asexuals too)

 

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

I love it and I think it's very important! I like there being a place where I already have a commonground with people because we know that there's that thing we just understand about each other and then that opens us up to more conversations and discussions. For questioning people it's also really helpful, and it's been a good place to rant or ask questions about being under the ace umbrella 

 

1 hour ago, jordayn47 said:

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

In some ways it has made me uncomfortable, mainly sexual things that are in public like billboards or movie theatre trailers. I've never really gotten any shit from people about being ace, people either don't ask, don't notice, or think I'm maybe a little weird but never say anything to me about my lack of interest in people or activities (considering I'm single and only feel sexual attraction when I'm in a romantic relationship, and am also demi-romantic and have no feelings towards any of my best friends, I think it's safe to say that right now I experience what most aroaces feel). If I'm in an environment where I can control what I see (like if I'm using my computer) then I don't really mind when sexual stuff pops up because I'll watch it if it interests me or I can easily ignore it. Sexual society hasn't impacted me that much, honestly. 

 

Also for information my name is Castor and I'm 18

[AAthenasST]

My name is Athenas, 26 years, Mx, cis woman

This is going to be long sorry :(

 

1)  What does asexuality mean to you? 

Part of my identity and an answer to the distress and anxiety I experienced while being younger, I dont experience sexual attraction to partners nor I feel the desire of engaging in sexual activities.

 

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

It is a relief, even if I´m not an active part of it, I feel like I have back up, to know of the existence of more people that feel or dont feel just like me is comforting.

 

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

Now that I have clear who I am I dont find it hard to live in this kind of society, but it did harm me when I was younger, before college I never heard the term asexual being applied to people, I didn’t know being like this was a thing and I thought there was something wrong with me. I can develop crushes, they never last and I never have sexual fantasies with them or anything. My first sexual contact was when I was like 13, with a crush, he started touching me and giving me handjobs and I thought it was normal and I allowed it several times, none of which I experience pleasure, I never have the instinct of touching him back, he made me, I didn’t oppose, he was my age and I thought that was normal when you had a crush on someone, it was uncomfortable and started avoiding him, then he sent me a text to met him at the back of the school to have sex, I broke my cellphone and never talked with him again.

I began having an active sexual life when I was 15, till this day I'm not sure if I ever experienced an orgasm, I couldn’t understand the fascination of my friends with sex, I thought maybe Im not into boys, I found I could develop romantic feelings towards women, but still didn’t get it, I wanted to get it. I put (sometimes forced) myself  into different sexual experiences, I felt curiosity towards some of them, I was curious about some of the aesthetics and about the description of feelings my partners and friends told me. I learned a lot, I met incredible people and had such a diverse range of sexual experiences many allosexual people wish, but I also hurt myself, in so many ways, I broke relationships with beautiful people because I never felt that attraction, I did things just in the spite of "If you never try it, you will never know", in the best case scenario I felt asleep, in the worst I cried because I felt raped.

The first time I thought I may be asexual, I was 20, I was in a relationship of two years and I told my partner, he literally laughed because after all, I already knew what kind of stuff I could tolerate and was able to put limits to the things I didn’t want to experience again so our sex life was quite active, I felt hurt, and didn’t comment my suspicions to anyone else and stopped reading about asexuality. When I was 21 I remember having sex and being glad when the guy lasted less than 3 minutes, but anyways the same story happened again, my new partner laughed and told me it was because the ones before him haven’t fucked me right, plot twist neither did him, we broke before the year.

 

I started suffering from depression around the same time I had my first sexual encounter (13),  from age 14 to age 20 I never stopped taking antidepressants and I still felt like shit. I justified that maybe my lack of sexual attraction and desire was because of the side effects of the antidepressants,  in those 6 years I tried different drugs, none of them did the trick, I stopped taking them for 2 years, turned out I felt shittier but I still didn’t have any interest in doing the sex.   Then I met a guy who had been practicing celibacy for a couple of years because he is weird as that, it took months for him to suggest anything and it took months for the sex to be repeated, it has been my best relationship until now, we've been together for almost 4 years, and the moment I understood I could love someone without having to reciprocate with sex my world changed, identifying myself as an asexual changed everything, it sounds so steorypical of coming out sotries, but my depression was gone, and everything started to click. 

I love sex tho, it can be fun and it can be an alternative to cardio, I like making sex jokes, and I've worked with sex assault victims, I support sex workers, and I’m fine listening to my friend’s stories, I dont mind erotic art representations and I find it urgent to include asexual information in early sex-ed to prevent others of putting themselves at risky situations because they dont know that not feeling it is an option.

[Guest]

On 10/22/2020 at 12:28 AM, jordayn47 said:

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

*Can you also say if you would be okay with your response being shared in my speech and if so, would you like to remain anonymous? If you are okay with your response being shared, can you share your name and age?*

Thank you!

 

 

1. Living without feeling like sex is the be-all

2. I'm too new here but I felt drawn in to be able to learn and share experiences of being on the asexual spectrum with the kind of normalcy that does not exist 'outside'

3. There were times when it's made me feel like I was 'damaged goods' and lacking. It wasn't until I understood what asexuality was that I realised that other folks (allos) experience 'sexual attraction' - which continues to be a very alien concept to me. There are times when the hypersexuality of it all makes me wonder whether everybody else is simply missing the point; the obsession with sex whether for progeny or recreation or even distraction does not make much sense to me. 

 

 

I'd rather be anonymous (or you may use my AVEN name)

[Layria]

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

I fit perfectly under the definition provided by AVEN, that is, a person who does not experience sexual attraction. However, being Ace is so much more than just that. Anyone who experiences less than "normal" sexual can be considered on the ace umbrella, and I think that is what makes this community so strong. It feels like the ace umbrella exists in a way similar to the gender umbrella, being a large-umbrella off on its own. Discovering my asexuality is one of the most important things to happen to me. It helped me realize I wasn't broken, I am just different, and there are other people like me with similar experiences. 

 

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

The ace community is very important to me. While I'm not super active on forums, I do run an Ace Space at my college where myself and fellow ace/aro spec people can meet and chat about related topics and other fun things. Unlike most other LGBTQ+ communities, aces don't have a plethora of resources and forums and support groups at our disposal. Online we have this forum, probably one or two major discord servers, and a reddit or two. I'm sure there are other ace communities out there, but not nearly as many as there are gay, lesbian, or trans communities. So we have no choice but to stick together, and as such we have a tight-knit but also extraordinarily welcoming community. There are some exclusionists out there, but as long as we avoid them and block them when they surface, we can maintain our happy community. We are all different people, with different experiences and likes/dislikes, but being able to come together in a place that isn't super judgmental of sexual experiences is such an amazing experience. 

 

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

Growing up, I could never understand why I wasn't attracted to boys like other girls were. My first boyfriend in high school was nice and all, but I just never felt any kind of attraction other than friendship. He was very accepting and never pushed me to do anything I didn't want to do, but I always felt like I was missing something. For example, he wanted to kiss me, but I couldn't see how anyone could find that fun. I started looking at other girls and asking myself if maybe I was just gay, but I didn't find any girls attractive either, so I accepted that I was just straight. But then I found asexuality and everything suddenly made so much more sense. I would love to be in a relationship one day, but society pushes this narrative that you must have sex to be in a fulfilling relationship, and that makes me feel discouraged. I don't understand why sex is so taboo, yet is still so talked about. If you talk long enough with anyone outside of a business situation, the conversation eventually dissolves into talking about relationships and sex, and that make regular conversations hard sometimes. I often have to leave the table or steer the conversation in another direction. Seeing adds on TV or billboards using sex appeal makes me laugh because they just look so ridiculous. I've been told i'm so pure and innocent because I've never had sex, which stems from the misconception that never having sex means you don't understand how it works. I'm ok living in this society that values sex, so long as I am not treated lesser for not participating in said sexual culture. 

 

You can definitely include my responses in your speech, but I would prefer to remain anonymous other than saying that I am a college student. Thank you!

[Velvet Eden]

1: Asexuality is pretty much just who I am. It has been a part of my life even when I didn't have a word to attach to it. I take great pride in being asexual and I would not want to be any other way.

 

2: It is great to know that there are others out there like me. The online community was very important when I first found out that I was asexual. Community members helped me sort through many thoughts and feelings, along with answering any questions that I have. But more recently I find myself going more solo, and relying on the community less. This is mainly because I have a more grounded understanding on myself. Also I have more confidence in who I am.

 

3: I have always been a person who want's to go against what's the norm. From a young age I have learned to not care about what other people think of me. This also applies to heteronormative societal messages. I remember when I was 11 when people started getting into relationship's and having crushes I thought to myself "All of them are being so stupid. I will never be in a relationship." and I have kept that promise to this day. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I never let these societal norms put too much pressure on me.

 

Note: You can use this in your speech but I would like to stay anonymous  

[Lifeishard]

On 10/21/2020 at 9:18 PM, ClarkieRoo said:

1. To me, asexuality is about who I'm sexually attracted to, not about sex in general. The idea of sex does not repulse me (though it is very hard for me to imagine myself having sex) it is more that I just don't actively feel that sexual attraction towards anyone. For example, a straight woman is only sexually attracted towards males, but that doesn't mean if she were to have sex with a woman it wouldn't be pleasurable. Personally, I don't feel the need for partnered sex be a part of my life. 

2. I have not associated with the asexual community for very long, as I have only just recently come into my identity, but I am already so thankful to have it. It's been really lonely trying to think through my sexuality. Before I really knew about asexuality I thought there was something wrong with me. Having a community of people to talk to about our shared experiences and questions has been extremely helpful and makes me feel like I'm not alone.

3. We live in a heteronormative society which led me to believe I was straight until recently. I knew I didn't like girls, so I thought I must like guys. I thought perhaps I was just picky or a late bloomer. Once I got to high school I stopped telling people that I had never had my first kiss or even my first crush because it became something to be embarrassed about. I remember being shocked in 10th grade listening to a girl at my lunch table talk about making out with her boyfriend. All throughout high school, every time a girl got a boyfriend I would never understand what she saw in him. Flash forward to now, I'm in my first year of college away from home and I started really wondering what was wrong with me that I just didn't find any boys attractive. My friends will talk about which boys in our classes are cute, and casually talk about hooking up and I was shocked because I didn't realize people actually thought that way. Once I became aware of my sexuality, I really started to notice every time relationships or sex was brought up in my life. It is in every part of my life, from movies to small talk with strangers. I feel excluded from conversations. I feel like the idea of sex is constantly pushed down my throat. But recognizing my asexuality has really helped me no longer feel that pressure from society that I'm "behind" with sexual experience or that I'm lame for never even having my first kiss.

 

*You can share my response, I would like to keep my name anonymous but you can say that I'm 17 if you would like.

 

This almost word for word resonates with me.

I heard and have been using the term asexual in certain situations (I'm straight on paper & to anyone who need not know) since I was about 17 but actually really only started thinking about it in the past few years. I guess as I've become more aware of the hypersexualised society we live in & questioning it more.

 

My individual answers to these questions, despite them basically already being answered for me here, would be:

 

1. Asexuality means I lack sexual attraction. That doesn't mean I engage in no sexual activity on my own, thats totally separate to me.

 

2. This community has been a great help. Simply knowing there's a term I could use was enough for me in the first few years.

The past couple of years I've started to struggle, and mid identity crisis (like last month), I found Aven and read through loads of posts & eventually wrote my own post. Just being able to get it out knowing I wasn't going to get a sympathetic response was good but the responses from others really helped me massively. I felt properly understood for the first time (despite having great friends who have always seemed supportive). So eventhough I'm not completely confident in myself as yet, I know I'll get there and I've got a great place to turn to now. I'm definitely not alone!

 

3. The fact that society seems to revolve around sex and intimate relationships saddens me. It is unfortunately that mindest that causes people both within and outwith our community a struggle that shouldn't be necessary. Young kids jumping into sexual relationships because they feel they should, people staying in toxic relationships because thats all they know and fear being alone, people feeling outed for not being in/having had a relationship. That list is endless.

I've often questioned why society is this way and it baffles me.

Going to nightclubs and house parties etc growing up was frustrating. People would be trying to get to know me and I'd be unknowingly leading them on then look like an a**hole. Next thing they're trying to kiss me or take/follow me to bed "🤨 get out my face!"

As more situations like that happened and as my friends spoke more about their intimate lives I started to become more aware of just how driven by sex society really is. This is where I started to question myself.

Friends would ask more intimate questions and the responses would all start with a sympathetic "aww" or the were sort of protective when we were out or in company. And I get that, we need to look after out friends and there was no badness in it but it does make you feel like you're totally abnormal and sort of looked at as a child.

In new company I am always questioned about my relationship status and its usually left at single. But as friendships start to form, the alcohol starts flowing or people just realise you don't speak about your private life, thats when people start prying and thats what I struggle with most.

Not knowing how what you say will be taken: More sympathy? Refusal go accept your answer? A therapy session with someone who is definitely not a therapist?

I can't always cope with that and have found myself making things up to brush over it. I guess the protectiveness of my friends has impacted that (answering for me or just being moral support. Knowing they'll back me up should I receive an unpleasant response)

 

I could ramble on for days and get nowhere so I'll stop here drop a message if you want to hear more of my ramblings.

Feel free to use this. Jamie-lee, 24yo female graduate.

[Nonamesake]

Hey, I'm in my mid twenties and a University student as well. I hope my perspective is useful to you, it's been really great being able to read other people's experiences.

 

1)  Asexuality to me is a lack of sexual attraction within myself, leading to a general lack of action. Not to say that I don't love sex, with myself, or don't appreciate it in others. My sexuality is not something that I share with other people, as I don't feel that need within me, nor do I particularly want to. Sometimes I think I may be greysexual, but then I realise that I have never felt sexually attracted to someone with intent. I can feel a whole bunch of other attractions and appreciations for people, just usually not sex fuelled. 

 

2) Not super important. Perhaps it's the self-centred part of myself that likes to stand out from the crowd, or the fact that a multitude of parts of myself are not particularly represented in my surroundings that I have gotten used to it and even learned to appreciate it. I do like meeting people that share this similar part of me, but I don't need it. And although I know it is here and have known for a while I rarely reach out. I think that may be because the people that I surround myself with are so open and accepting, and aren't so rigid in their rules for themselves that it makes it easy to meld together. If that makes sense at all. I'm basically saying I've already got a great community of non ace folks, and I don't feel the need to surround myself with people that have the same specific sexuality as me. But I appreciate how helpful and wonderful it is for so many others.

 

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you

Initially, and probably still now, it drove a part of myself to expect things from my body and my mind that I wasn't able to give. Fighting against what doesn't feel natural in me, trying to do things that aren't comfortable and constantly comparing myself to the people around me and absolutely everything coming out of the media and entertainment. But I really effing appreciate the visual stimuli of this sex based culture, perhaps I'm just super indoctrinated, and wouldn't want it to go away. I don't find it uncomfortable to view, and I probably don't go more than a day without mentioning sex because it is such an important part of human interaction and also just hilarious. So funny. So dirty and gross in the best ways. As I get older I appreciate the sex culture more, and my place within it and at a distance from it. Asexuality can make people uncomfortable, but as long as I'm confident about it that can usually be addressed quite quickly and we can all move on with our lives. Perhaps because I was raised in quite a liberally free sexual environment I have never shied away from it, and appreciate it more when it is presented honestly and openly. People think about sex like two dozen times a day and that's not gonna change. Address it, talk about it, have a laugh and move on. But that's just the way I move through the world.

 

I should probably read through this and edit, but I'm totally not gonna. Thanks for letting me spew all over this forum. 

[Osiyo_Waya]

On 10/21/2020 at 11:58 AM, jordayn47 said:

1)  What does asexuality mean to you?

2) How important is having an asexual community to you?

3) How has a society that is so heavily sex based impacted you?

1) To me, asexuality means that sex and sexuality in general plays little to no role in my day-to-day life. If it weren't for the pervasive role sex plays in the media and in general conversation, I'm not sure I'd even be aware of its existence.

 

2) Though I'd consider myself a bit of loner, it is nice to know there's a place and group of people who share the same general outlook/lack of interest in sex as I do. There's a certain comfort in having an environment were you're not expected to conform to an ideal and set of behaviors that you may not necessarily be aligned to otherwise.

 

3) I'm not what you would call a social butterfly, so I can't say that I've been impacted too much in general, but it has colored my behavior in some situations. I realized I was asexual later in life, and so I have a lot of ingrained habits that I likely would not have developed had I known I was ace sooner. Among my guy friends, I grew up with a 'fake it till you make it' habit of just making up stories of past sexual experiences. I do experience aesthetic attraction daily, so that itself isn't much of an issue. However with girls, I grew up believing that the way boys spoke to girls was to be flirty. Now that I know that's not the impression I want to make, I'm very aware of my interactions and honestly try to avoid them unless absolutely necessary. I've lost count of how many times I'd have a casual conversation with a girl at work and rumors would start. It's not distressing so much as it is annoying, but it's still something I'm weary of.