Jump to content
Worrywart

So this is asexual right?

Recommended Posts

Worrywart

Hi so I’m so confused right now. I am like 99.9% sure I’m asexual but I’m confused. I know that I don’t want sex, I have never looked at a person and thought wow I want to have sex with them or wow they would like nice naked. (Personally I find nudity gross). So I don’t masturbate I find that sounds gross and I don’t have any sexual urges to do so. But I’ve felt tingly down there before so do I have a libido or no? Am I still asexual or not? 
 

Thanks. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine

Yup... sounds asexual to me.  But you have to decide for yourself.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Luvic
12 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

But I’ve felt tingly down there before so do I have a libido or no? Am I still asexual or not? 

Asexuality isn't about libido. It's a lack of sexual attraction. You can definitely "feel tingly down there" and still be asexual.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marsa
29 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

I have never looked at a person and thought wow I want to have sex with them or wow they would like nice naked.

This isn't really that common of an experience among sexuals. Someone might find someone attractive from afar, but rarely is their first thought that they want to have sex with this rando person. Some do experience this, I have no doubt, but it isn't a good experience to gauge your sexuality on. 

 

It does sound like you might be sex and nudity averse. And a libido doesn't matter when it comes to being asexual or not. It is all about whether you feel sexual attraction to others and have the desire to engage in partnered sex. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i quit this site

just sounds like celibacy to me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Worrywart
1 hour ago, Marsa said:

 It is all about whether you feel sexual attraction to others and have the desire to engage in partnered sex. 

What exactly is sexual attraction and is sexual desire the same thing? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Worrywart
1 hour ago, thylacine said:

Yup... sounds asexual to me.  But you have to decide for yourself.

Thank you, I think I am asexual I just have doubts and I get worried. I am asexual. Thank you for your input.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
marinatedoctopus
1 hour ago, ironistfield said:

just sounds like celibacy to me

How does that sound like celibacy?

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marsa
34 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

What exactly is sexual attraction and is sexual desire the same thing? 

They aren't really the same thing, no. Attraction is just kind of like an involuntary draw towards another person. But desire I guess is more the willingness to act on that draw and to what extent. It is hard to define because it can be complex and not everyone experiences it in the exact same way. Like I guess as an example, I could find myself involuntarily attracted to a friend's partner, but of course I would never desire to act on that in that case because I think it would be wrong and would cause serious problems in my friendship. So you can still have the attraction without the desire. And likely vice versa too (though I would think much less common). 

 

This thread here might be useful to take a look at. It will give you some other perspectives on it. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PanFicto.
2 hours ago, ironistfield said:

just sounds like celibacy to me

Hi there :) I am celibate. Celibate means you have a desire for sexual interactions and sexual intimacy to some extent, however you choose not to act on that for whatever reason. Asexuality is not having a desire for those things to begin with. Hope that clarifies! :)

 

1 hour ago, Worrywart said:

What exactly is sexual attraction and is sexual desire the same thing? 

Sexual attraction is the desire to connect on a sexual level with another person for pleasure. Basic arousal (your genitals getting tingly etc) is just libido. As long as that tingly feeling doesn't make you think "I wish I could have sex with someone right now" (masturbation is different, a solo activity) then a libido does not equate to sexual attraction. :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PanFicto.

Wow that's an unexpected amount of the same smiley face, haha

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Worrywart
2 hours ago, marinatedoctopus said:

How does that sound like celibacy?

I honestly think I am asexual and I am not celibate

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Worrywart
2 hours ago, Marsa said:

They aren't really the same thing, no. Attraction is just kind of like an involuntary draw towards another person. But desire I guess is more the willingness to act on that draw and to what extent. It is hard to define because it can be complex and not everyone experiences it in the exact same way. Like I guess as an example, I could find myself involuntarily attracted to a friend's partner, but of course I would never desire to act on that in that case because I think it would be wrong and would cause serious problems in my friendship. So you can still have the attraction without the desire. And likely vice versa too (though I would think much less common). 

 

This thread here might be useful to take a look at. It will give you some other perspectives on it. 

 

So is sexual attraction the draw of wanting to have sex but the desire acting on wanting to have sex?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marsa
20 minutes ago, Worrywart said:

So is sexual attraction the draw of wanting to have sex but the desire acting on wanting to have sex?

I suppose so. Honestly, I have a hard time breaking out sexual attraction as a separate entity from attraction in general. When I have experienced it myself, it is not something that initially is inherently sexual in nature. It can be quite an intense feeling towards someone regardless though. In the beginning I usually feel it as a general strong draw towards someone (it feels quite different than being drawn to someone you want to be your friend) and I want to interact and talk to them more, I might even like to touch them or have them touch me (not necessarily in a sexual way) and I really enjoy making eye contact with them, and I just get a kind of giddy feeling interacting with them. So I can recognize this attraction even if I am not actually desiring or thinking about having sex with them in that moment, but I also recognize that that attraction would likely lead me to feeling sexual desire for them if I continue to spend more time with them. When I am attracted to someone I typically don't want to jump into bed with them right away because we haven't established enough trust at that point for me to feel comfortable with it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Worrywart
14 hours ago, Marsa said:

I suppose so. Honestly, I have a hard time breaking out sexual attraction as a separate entity from attraction in general. When I have experienced it myself, it is not something that initially is inherently sexual in nature. It can be quite an intense feeling towards someone regardless though. In the beginning I usually feel it as a general strong draw towards someone (it feels quite different than being drawn to someone you want to be your friend) and I want to interact and talk to them more, I might even like to touch them or have them touch me (not necessarily in a sexual way) and I really enjoy making eye contact with them, and I just get a kind of giddy feeling interacting with them. So I can recognize this attraction even if I am not actually desiring or thinking about having sex with them in that moment, but I also recognize that that attraction would likely lead me to feeling sexual desire for them if I continue to spend more time with them. When I am attracted to someone I typically don't want to jump into bed with them right away because we haven't established enough trust at that point for me to feel comfortable with it. 

When I have a crush on someone I get a strong draw towards them but it’s always romantic never sexual, I never think about sex/think I will want to or want to have sex with them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marsa

It could be you are a romantic asexual. So you can be romantically drawn to people, but not sexually. Just be open to your experiences and feelings about it changing, because it can happen as I experienced. It very well could stay exactly the same too though and you will find asexual is the best label for you. 

 

Most of my crushes had little to no sexual thoughts involved, though I would think about cuddling and kissing. When I was talking about attraction above it was in scenarios where the attraction was in that moment and mutual. It was quite a different feeling than my past crushes. I think the mutual part of it had a big impact on the feelings of it too. To recognize your own attraction for someone and then see that behaviour reflected back to you creates a unique feeling of connection different than a solely romantic one. The first time I experienced this I was around 22 or 23, so quite late compared to my peers. I still wasn't comfortable with the idea of me having sex at the time though and it wasn't the top thing on my mind either, so I never really acted on that attraction at the time I just enjoyed the experience and left it at that. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thylacine
On 10/18/2020 at 5:14 PM, Worrywart said:

Thank you, I think I am asexual I just have doubts and I get worried. I am asexual. Thank you for your input.

There really isn't anything to be worried about.  It's okay to be asexual, just like it's okay to be straight or gay or whatever.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...