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Robin.

I know I'm aromantic, but I don't know if I am asexual

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Robin.

My identity was always a rollercoaster. First I thought I was homosexual, which didn't prove to be right, then I started identifying as asexual and after that I was busy hating myself for a while because I realized I'm aromantic, and then my gender hit me like a truck. It was a long journey.

 

Being aromantic is as clear to me as the fact that I can breath, considering how romance repulsed I am I can't even imagine myself in a romantic relationship without feeling like dying. But my sexual attraction tho...

 

I've never been sex repulsed, quiet the opposite actually I'm pretty comfortable talking, reading and writing it, and I think that I would be pretty comfortable engaging in it. I suspected for a while now that I am not strictly asexual but somewhere on the asexual spectrum. 

 

Now I'm just analyzing myself. I heard of allo aros before, but they seem so stigmatized that I was a little afraid to approach, people treat them like shit and I'm honestly kinda scared to be one of them, but I don't really know if I am asexual or not.

 

Am I just sex indifferent or positive? Maybe I just like being held by people that are physically bigger than me? Wouldn't I just become an example for the"asexuality is just a phase" crowed? Am I still somewhere on the asexual spectrum? Am I bisexual? But I can't view myself having sex with women. Is it just gender dysphoria or internalized misogyny? Have I just been straight the whole time? But I like non-binary people, and I am genderqueer. Do I actually feel sexual attraction or I'm just more comfortable around queer men and non-binary people and I just read too much BL? If I am not asexual but I am aromantic does this make me a monster or evil? I'm not even that interested in sex itself I just want to be held. That doesn't count as sexual attraction, right? But boys and androgynous people are so cute. Big people with beards that can crush me only by existing are awesome. But women are beautiful. But beautiful like, in the artistic way. Maybe I'm just apathetic to sex and this is all comphet? I don't.... know....

 

I know that AVEN is for aces, but I don't really have any other place to ask for advice. Are there any aromantics that are not asexual that can at least tell me what their experiences are? Maybe that will help...   

Edited by Robin.

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Sarah-Sylvia

It might be rarer, but someone can definitely be aromantic but sexual. It just means finding partner that are mostly in it for sex, not romance.

 

Don't sweat it too much if you can, it's ok to be however you are. Maybe some things will clear up with time, if there's certain things other than just orientation.

If you wan't to be held, then you are looking for affection. It could be platonic affection, or it could be romantic. Most people would see sexual intimacy as romantic though, so if that's what you're looking for, then I wonder what you mean by not wanting romance. But it sounds like you're trying too hard to figure it out, instead of just living out however you are :) It'll be ok.

Welcome around 🍰

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fiji_water

Of course I can't tell you exactly what you are because I'm not you, but from what you described it sounds like you may be aromantic and sexual which is perfectly ok! Wanting to have sex with someone but not pursuing a relationship does not make you shallow or a monster. It's your unique sexuality and is entirely valid. It's also important to recognize that you may simply be feeling aesthetic attraction towards those people you described, if you actively want to have sex with them you may be sexual. If you don't, you may be asexual. Everyone on the aromantic, asexual, and agender spectrum are allowed on AVEN, even those who are not on the spectrum. You are more than welcome to vent here and ask questions.

 

I used to identify as aromantic and homosexual for awhile, and I thought I was sexual because I enjoyed erotic material. I rarely ever find myself feeling any desire to have sex with or physical attraction to anybody presented in pornography or in everyday life, I found that I really only enjoy erotic material because I fantasize about feeling sexual pleasure itself but I don't feel any sexual desire towards the person shown. Its also just important to note that is entirely natural to feel arousal from seeing other people aroused regardless if you're sexual or asexual. If maybe you are experiencing a similar thing to what I did, you could be ace or graysexual. Of course I can't figure out your attraction for you, but I figured it may be helpful since it sounds like you're in the same place I was not too long ago. 

Edited by fiji_water

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Rynn

Hey, 

 

AVEN is not just for aces. People of any orientation are welcome here. But if you want a place that is more specifically geared towards aromantic people, who are not necessarily asexual, arocalypse is an option. Either way, don't feel like you are intruding, you do belong and are more than welcome here.

 

I can't tell you what your orientation is of course. Maybe you are just sex-favourable and have only sensual attraction to men and enbies, not sexual. I don't know. Only time and experience will tell.

 

What I do know is that if you turn out to not be asexual after all, you shouldn't let the 'asexuality is just a phase' stigma stop you from living authentically. If people decide not to accept asexuality, they're going to not accept it no matter what. That's on them, not on any of us. Exploring and experimenting with labels is not wrong and it shouldn't delegitimize the whole label if one person turns out not to fit the label after all.

 

And no of course being alloaro doesn't make you a monster. Society sucks sometimes. Stereotypes suck. I hope that the more alloaros are visible, the more people will be able to see that those stereotypes were bullshit, but yes that'll be hard on the first batch of aroallos to make themselves visible, and that sucks.

 

There definitely are aroallos out there though. You're not alone.

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Artemis42

Just from reading your post, you could be a sex positive or indifferent ace with strong aesthetic and sensual attraction to a wide variety of genders. Only you can truly determine that though, that's just the impression I got. But even if you do turn out to be an allo aro, that doesn't make you monsterous or evil at all!

:)

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Raindrops

Hey, I'm in a similar boat to you, aro for almost certain, but sexuality is blurry. 😁 Come over to arocalypse, it needs more members. 😆

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Robin.
On 10/18/2020 at 4:32 PM, Raindrops said:

Hey, I'm in a similar boat to you, aro for almost certain, but sexuality is blurry. 😁 Come over to arocalypse, it needs more members. 😆

Already there, those guys helped me a lot

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