Attracted to Guys sexualily not into sex at all into emotion

[LovU2]

Hi everyone :D ,

I'm in my 28 yr :o . I seen to be having problem into getting a boyfriend who doesnt just attracted to me by my looks. But sometime I am attracted by theirs looks & in sexuality but I really do not want to have sex with any of them at all. Mostly I wanted to just have someone who emotionally attach to :? But nowaday as U can see, there is no sure thing exist any more :roll: Am I going toward asexual? I'm still a virgin Is that the real problem because I don't experience sex at all? :(

I wanted to have children of my own but without sex relationship how do I get a happy family for my children at this point. Will this family be very unstable for them? :shock: Sometime women are attracted to me beccause of my look that makes me think that Am I Lesbian to U or What R U thinking? These havd been happening to me for years, i just dont understand WHY :!: :?: :x [ Can someone Help me :oops: Thank U very much.

[SolonOH]

Well, you are in the right place for those questions LuvU2. You will find a lot of us here are attracted to the opposite gender (or the same gender as well), but without the desire to have intercourse with them.

I myself find a woman’s body one of the most beautiful things in the world. Size totally unimportant, but the shape, the softness of the features, the understanding that the soul inside is going to view the world in a more sensitive way than I could ever accomplish. These are the things many men find attractive. Don’t be dissuaded by the masses just out to rut, you possess wonderful qualities of which you should take pride. These are the same reason some women are attracted to you, you’re a wonderful, yet unattached, person and they cannot help but take notice.

From taking a quick glance at your profile, I think you are already on the right path to the answers you seek. “Accept who U R” That is the most important advice I can give. You’ll find happiness by indulging yourself in who you are, and won’t help but be able to have it show. No doubt it will take time, but that confidence and acceptance will eventually attract to you the relationship you seek.

Be Well

[maufry]

LovU2, I'm sort of in the same boat. I am often sexually attracted to men, but I have no desire to act on that attraction. What I want is an emotional connection, with lots of cuddling and the occassional smooch. I identify as asexual, so that could very well be what you are. That is, of course, entirely up to you to decide.

I have also never had sex, and I'm 26. For a very long time I assumed that one day I would end up forcing myself to do it, and then hopefully I would understand what all the fuss was about. That's what a lot of my friends told me, too. That I wasn't obsessed with sex yet b/c I didn't know what I was missing. But since I've found this website and these wonderful people, the thought has occurred to me - how many sexuals had to actually engage in the physical act of intercourse before they knew that it was something they desperately desired? Not many, I'll wager. Plus, the awareness just isn't out there about asexuality, so it's not really my friends' fault. They just didn't know any better. It's hard to relate to something you don't even know exists. Hell, I didn't even know it existed, I just figured I was defective.

As far as children, I am of the opinion that as long as there is at least one loving and responsible parent present, that's all that matters. If you provide them with plenty of love, and care for them, and are able to provide for them, I personally think that's enough. As for how you go about getting those kids - adoption, insemination, the old fashioned way, whatever - that's totally up to you. But there are plenty of options.

And don't despair that you will never find a mate. We are out there. It might be easier for you to forge a relationship with an asexual, but it is possible to find sexuals out there with whom you can make a sex-free relationship work. It's hard as hell to find them, but they do exist. Some asexuals (myself included) are willing to engage in certain activities for the pleasure of their partners, even if they themselves don't enjoy it. And for some sexuals, that's enough. It just entirely depends on what you are comfortable with, and what a potential partner would be comfortable with.

As far as women hitting on you, I say take it as a compliment. What they're telling you is that they find you interesting and/or attractive enough to be worth spending time with. They may have no idea what your orientation is (even if they did think you were a lesbian, that shouldn't be an insult), but they figure they'll hit on you and find out. Say thank you! It's a wonderful thing! I've been hit on by women before, and I thank them for their interest but explain that I'm straight.

I hope this helps, at least a little. Good luck in your journey!

[BunnyK.]

the understanding that the soul inside is going to view the world in a more sensitive way than I could ever accomplish.

This is a rather dangerous assumption. I know lots of very sensitive men, and very very insensitive women. No matter what the romance novels tell you, women are NOT any more likely to be caring or delicate or sensitive than men - though they might feel more pressure, or maybe more freedom, to show what sensitivity they have.

I'd say that between myself and my boyfriend, I'm definitely the less sensitive of the two, at least in some ways.

[AisleyneForever]

Hmm.

[Rabger]

1, if you want kids, there are millions of kids out there that need loving homes and will love you more than anything in the world for giving them that. You can do this while being single or not. Sex isn't an issue for a kid.

2, being a virgin has nothing to do with orientation.

3, there are people out there that want love and not just sex. Its harder to find them but they do exist.

On a somewhat random note, I have a friend thats homo-sexual bi-romantic. She is sexually and romantically attracted to women but only romantically attracted to men. She can love a bf completely and still not want to have sex with him. I don't think she realizes this quite yet because last I spoke to her, she was confused as anything about her orientation, but this is the conclusion I got from her explanation.

My point is, orientation is not black or white.

[the.bree]

But sometime I am attracted by theirs looks & in sexuality but I really do not want to have sex with any of them at all. Mostly I wanted to just have someone who emotionally attach to :? But nowaday as U can see, there is no sure thing exist any more :roll: Am I going toward asexual? I'm still a virgin Is that the real problem because I don't experience sex at all? :(

I am the same way-- I even have a "type" that I gravitates toward. I have warm, fuzzy feelings for them-- but that just means I just want to be near them, and like have coffee and talk. Or fall asleep on their shoulder. For me, falling asleep listening to his heartbeat is like a homerun. I don't want to ever go any farther.

Anyway, I was a virgin until a year ago-- before I met my boyfriend, I was questioning my asexuality. After being together 6 months, I gave sex a shot and that pretty much confirmed I was asexual.

I was so irritated with everyone who'd been giving me the "try it, you'll like it!" bit for years. If you don't want to, you don't want to-- don't let anyone tell you're not asexual just because you haven't tried being sexual.

Does that make sense?

[maufry]

I was so irritated with everyone who'd been giving me the "try it, you'll like it!" bit for years. If you don't want to, you don't want to-- don't let anyone tell you're not asexual just because you haven't tried being sexual.

Amen! My general response is to ask the person if they had to actually try sex before they knew that they wanted it.

I'd say that between myself and my boyfriend, I'm definitely the less sensitive of the two, at least in some ways.

Yeah, me too. I can be compassionate, but I can also be quite selfish. My boyfriend is ALWAYS compassionate, to the point that he tends to let people walk all over him, which is another topic entirely, lol.

[sakura_alice]

I was so irritated with everyone who'd been giving me the "try it, you'll like it!" bit for years. If you don't want to, you don't want to-- don't let anyone tell you're not asexual just because you haven't tried being sexual.

Amen! My general response is to ask the person if they had to actually try sex before they knew that they wanted it.

I wonder the same thing! :? Because if you didn't want it before he came onto and had to think about it afterwards, isn't that some kind of rape? That's like saying you have to be raped to figure out your sexual orientation. Maybe I'm using too strong of a word to describe the situation, but no matter what you use, it still doesn't sound pleasant x_x

[starrysky]

I was so irritated with everyone who'd been giving me the "try it, you'll like it!" bit for years. If you don't want to, you don't want to-- don't let anyone tell you're not asexual just because you haven't tried being sexual.

Amen! My general response is to ask the person if they had to actually try sex before they knew that they wanted it.

If they are straight, ask them how they can know for sure they don't like gay sex without trying it. That will shut a lot of them up.

[Hallucigenia]

I wonder the same thing! :? Because if you didn't want it before he came onto and had to think about it afterwards, isn't that some kind of rape? That's like saying you have to be raped to figure out your sexual orientation. Maybe I'm using too strong of a word to describe the situation, but no matter what you use, it still doesn't sound pleasant x_x

Giving informed consent to something you're not inherently interested in, just to see what happens, is very different from being forced into an uncomfortable situation that you never gave consent to. Just so you know.

But you're right, it's still not very pleasant...

[maufry]

I was so irritated with everyone who'd been giving me the "try it, you'll like it!" bit for years. If you don't want to, you don't want to-- don't let anyone tell you're not asexual just because you haven't tried being sexual.

Amen! My general response is to ask the person if they had to actually try sex before they knew that they wanted it.

If they are straight, ask them how they can know for sure they don't like gay sex without trying it. That will shut a lot of them up.

I've done that before, actually. I was really involved with our GSA in college, and I used to get really irritated with people who insisted that sexual orientation was a choice. So I would ask them when they chose to be straight. That usually made shut up, lol.

[str8fuknpimpin]

*giggles* Lovu2, i understand completely what you say, dude. i feel same way.

i hope you stick round and find good friends on board! :) :)

(bdw, i am curious :) why you choose the username LovU2? is it that you love U2 or you lov me too? :) )

[lena23]

i am actually the same, lovu2

i am attracted to people but the thought of sex actually repulses me.In response to being gay, I am attracted to women but i think that it is because i consider them to be more emotionally understanding and compasionate then men and they are not so derogative.so i finally figured that im just asexual and i have accepted it.

[AntiBubble]

I am the same way-- I even have a "type" that I gravitates toward. I have warm, fuzzy feelings for them-- but that just means I just want to be near them, and like have coffee and talk. Or fall asleep on their shoulder. For me, falling asleep listening to his heartbeat is like a homerun. I don't want to ever go any farther.

Amen to that! :D

[Shortcutmethod]

Hi, I'm new to this site but I hope I can help by relating to my experiences.

I use to think that I wanted a relationship with someone because I was lacking something else in my life (mainly friends). Now I think that is not the case. I live in a college residence hall in a closed living community and I have great friends in here. We talk everyday, hang out, joke around, just chill and we do that nearly everyday. So with that I am still finding myself wanting a relationship. Now that could be because they are all females, and I am male interested in males (I don't know what I said males instead of guys, it's late and I should be doing homework lol).

So after all that said, I think we all just have wants or needs regardless of what is going on in our lives. I think a lot of people want emotional connections more than sexual conections. Just be yourself, you can't go wrong with that!