nvrcrywlf Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I'm thinking of just giving up on finding a life partner, friend, companion, etc. thru any of the search sites. I'm in my early sixties and there seems to be very few people near my age who are actually looking to meet someone; there is no one living near me and on one site I found 22 ladies worldwide between the ages of 58 and 64 - not very good odds. Has anyone just given up looking! Thanks! nvrcrywlf Link to post Share on other sites
dyyanae Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know that I have any constructive advice to give you because for me ending the 'search for a relationship' was a relief. A positive, rather than negative experience, as if a great burden of societal pretense had been lifted from my shoulders. But I am sorry to hear that you've had such bad luck finding someone since it sounds as though you really wanted a life partner :( Link to post Share on other sites
Xenon Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I gave up a long, long time ago. At age 44, I am very happily single. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Most times I find things, when I'm looking for something else. - I believe it's similar with people. Looking at my parents I'd say plenty of elderly folks are still offline, not officially searching and so on. So hey, yes, there's hope; especially if you give it up... - BTW why is your age range so narrow? - I'm almost 30 years younger than you and scanning a much broader area. - No ofense intended at all, I just don't take life seriously and have seen white haired folks being fitter, smarter or sillyer than me, so I don't judge age in years anymore. I don't know or care much about the future. Having a good time sometimes is more important. - It's never wrong to look for friends, but the worst thing you could do is demanding other people to be what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Gave up years ago when I realised it was taking longer and longer to get over the heartache. Best not to invite it in the first place. Life does get lonely sometimes, though. Link to post Share on other sites
PollyB Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know that I have any constructive advice to give you because for me ending the 'search for a relationship' was a relief. A positive, rather than negative experience, as if a great burden of societal pretense had been lifted from my shoulders. But I am sorry to hear that you've had such bad luck finding someone since it sounds as though you really wanted a life partner :( Yes, sorry, I'm mostly with dyyanae here. With a touch of openness around what busrider says, that things happen when you're not looking for them. But then, I also keep getting drawn into threads elsewhere on the board that question what romance and relationships mean anyway; I'm happily single but with some other people around me, which feels like how I want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I never was looking. A few people over the years tried to make me interested, but it's just not me. I enjoy being single. Yes, at times it get lonely, but thats what family is for. Nephews, nieces and cousins, and then grand nephews and grand nieces and 2nd and 3rd cousins are always good for some quick company for a lonely afternoon and then off they go back home, so I can have my peace and quiet. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
HannaWyLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 At 57 I'm realist enough to know that the chances of finding another asexual relationship are small - if I find someone super! If not I'm comfortable enough being single that it won't bother me. I also don't let age stand in my way - I've dated men as young as 25 and as old as 70. So in a nutshell accept each day for what it is - a gift! Link to post Share on other sites
mouth brooder Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 Mr. Spock once said something to the effect of wanting turns out to be more fun than having. I know the word fun was not in Spock's vocabulary, but I think that is what he meant. It was at the end of that episode when he and Kirk fought for a Vulcan bride. Anyway, I look all the time because it is fun!! I just get caught up in the fun of looking and don't get my hopes up at all of finding anyone because every time I "had" someone it turned out not to be as fun as looking. And I agree with the idea to broaden the age range. I am comfortable as long as I am not old enough to be the parent or young enough to be the kid. I know that problem is covered in another post, but it seems to apply here too, so. YMMV Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 If you're not looking, then maybe something will happen, but you want have the disappointment if something doesn't. Regardless, by not looking, you can focus more time on yourself, your friends, and being a complete person. Do things you've always wanted to do, work on long awaited projects. Enjoy life and appreciate the person you are and the relationships you do have. Nothing is impossible, even at sixty! Link to post Share on other sites
violeteyedsoul Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I don't know that I have any constructive advice to give you because for me ending the 'search for a relationship' was a relief. A positive, rather than negative experience, as if a great burden of societal pretense had been lifted from my shoulders. But I am sorry to hear that you've had such bad luck finding someone since it sounds as though you really wanted a life partner :( Even though I'm not really "old" I feel the same way. NOW I worry that someone will trick me into going out with them again. That and every now and then, I've been, I don't know what to call it; kind of hung up on being lonely and wishing that I had someone to cuddle with. I think it's because of this that I'm worried. Like Tanwen said, "taking longer and longer to get over the heartache. Best not to invite it in the first place. Life does get lonely sometimes, though." It's because I'm still lonely at times that I'm worried someone else will notice and take advantage of it again. That and I've noticed people don't really change (esp. not for the better) and everyone just seems to repeat their past mistakes. I've noticed this about myself, and others around me. I hope this isn't true. I'm TERRIFIED of having the past repeat itself. But I HAVE changed ( COMPLETELY actually) as of lately, and as far as I can tell it's permanent Thank GOD! So I'm starting out a totally new person and hoping that nothing bad will happen to screw it up. *sigh!* Because of this I'm recognizing, and now not doing, my old mistakes. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Elizabeth I Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I suppose that over the years I have changed my mind a bit about what sort of relationship I'd like to have with a "partner". After living alone for so many years, I doubt that I could jump right in to sharing absolutely everything. I am a romantic, and would like to have enough privacy to keep my bad habits to myself, and would enjoy having a "mate" with a similar attitude. I also still can't bring myself to rush in to anything. I like to take my time getting to know someone rather than conducting that hasty mutual interview and picking someone based on "requirements". I want a friend and mentor, someone I can learn things from, most of all. I've seen several of your posts nvrcrywolf, and I was thinking about you when they were talking about the new gaming liscences that Pennsylvania just awarded to six locations. One of them is in the southern Poconos, and since I know you don't like traveling too far from home, this is something you might want to check out! The older ladies LOVE playing slots, and a great may of them are single. You could also try your local senior center. The women outnumber the men about ten to one and most of them are single also. My local Senior Center has a small gym with personal trainers, and the folks also play card and board games, do crafts or go on field trips together. They also serve a hot lunch for $2!!!! I can't WAIT to join ! (two more years till I'm 55) Good Luck! Lizzie Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I 'looked' a long time ago, like in my early 20s but I quit looking, not because I knew I was asexual but because I thought it didn't look like a very fun thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbird Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 I'm 52 and have been happily single for over 8 years now. I don't like to date because even if the relationship starts out platonic, I've had the bad experience of the guy wanting to make it sexual....then, it goes so badly we can't even be friends after that. So, I'm content to have a single life filled with family and good friends who just like me for me. Plus, in the past, I was always a bad judge of character when it came to picking out men to have a romantic relationship with----they always ended up having some serious character flaw or breaching my trust and hurting me badly. So, I've come not to be very trusting of my own judgement when it comes to picking the right partner. So, I'm content to stay as I am. Between a full-time job, a few close friends, and family, I rarely have time to be lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Agree with bb - even a 65 year old disappeared in a cloud of smoke when I told him I'm asexual. He said he'd joined the site to understand more about it, which I thought was a positive indication. No. Link to post Share on other sites
nldeenie Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 BB.. I couldn't have said it better Link to post Share on other sites
nldeenie Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 BB.. I couldn't have said it better Link to post Share on other sites
junkman Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 It's a tough problem to find a mate among asexuals. For even if you find another asexual, that's no guarantee of compatibility in other ways. I'm sure we among ourselves are as varied a group as exists in our personalities and values. On the bright side, as one gets older, sex seems for some people to become less important. That's how I solved the issue. My wife isn't asexual, but she's happy with very infrequent sex. Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 a watched pot never boils Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Here's a generalization that may be true: older men are much less likely to lose interest in sex than older women. Possibly because women's physiological business tends to settle them down. I know a number of sexual older women who are no longer interested. My longtime--person, don't know what to call him now, I'd like to think friend but I'm not sure he feels like one--is 74---yes, 74!--and is quite upset that I'm not interested in sex. He's also, of course, upset that I never was, and was just trying to "get along" previously. Anyway, I think there's a difference in attitude/physiology re "older sex" between men and women, which makes it a bit more difficult for asexual older women to find companions. Link to post Share on other sites
Calla_Lily Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 I've given up actively "looking", but I remain open to meeting a compatible, asexual man. But just stumbling upon one is about like stumbling upon a 4 leaf clover. Link to post Share on other sites
deb Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I haven't given up completely, but just not as enthusiastic about it anymore. When I tell someone I'm asexual I usually get told I'm crazy and there must be something wrong with me-so it's just best to go it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
isillote Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I'm older and have a great relationship with a sexual man 5 years younger than me. He goes elsewhere for sex, we live apart, which gives us the space we need, and everything's been great for 12 years. I guess I'm good at finding 4-leaf clover! I did stumble across him when I'd decided I was happy alone and wasn't interested in a commitment, which I think is significant. Hope you find someone, but I would also say don't confine yourself to an age bracket - I have friends of all ages. Link to post Share on other sites
catrinac Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I gave up in my mid 20s. At 37 I'm very single & alone and plan on staying this way. I love being by myself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 At 58, having been single for the last 8 years and having been single for 16 adult years before I got married I am perfectly happy staying this way! Link to post Share on other sites
< retired > Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Next time you buy something from amazon.com, pick up the following book (or check it out of your library): http://www.amazon.com/Missing-Piece-Ursula...3869&sr=1-6 The recommended age range is 9-12 years, but we older folks are on our way back to infancy, anyway, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Loki Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Sometimes when one stops looking for something, it comes to them when they dont expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
bbctv Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 for that age demographic, the internet might not be the best venue, though i know of none that may be better. just meeting people to go out with online is something likely more common among younger people. i don't know if i'd advise anyone go ever give up, but i find that past a certain age people tend to quit caring very much. i'm only 28 and i don't think i'd care much if i never met anybody at this point. just if i've survived this long, what exactly do i need someone for NOW, especially when it isn't like a relationship can't be a huge risk to take. i don't love being by myself, but i'm disillusioned enough to believe that i'm going to find someone who is going to make me want to be around them all the time. i'm uncomfortable with the level of closeness people get in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 For the younger people on this forum: Let us know when you get a few more decades on you whether you still feel that you don't care if you meet anyone to be companion with. 28's pretty young to figure you're "past a certain age." You may feel the same, but you can't predict that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Enigma Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 He is the best pilot who steers clear of the rocks and shaols. Link to post Share on other sites
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