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Have any older asexuals spent their life conforming to what they should be then discovered they were asexual?


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On 10/1/2020 at 10:22 AM, vega57 said:

.  To a point.  While some people know that they're not very sexual early in their lives, I don't think a lot of people even realize that they've been 'faking it'...until way later in the game.  We're taught that we're "supposed" to have sex.  That it's "biological".  That EVERYONE does it.  And when I was getting my sex-ed in school, I was told that I would have it.  The fact that I may not even like it never came up.

This is something I can strongly relate to. When I was growing up in the 70s and early 80s, even being gay was not discussed, much less asexuality. All there was was heterosexuality and that covered everyone. Obviously, times have changed but for many of my generation, asexuality is not something we even know about. I didn't hear about it until I was 50, and then everything fell into place and allowed me to become more comfortable with who I am and what I want in life and relationships.

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7 hours ago, Shylo said:

This is something I can strongly relate to. When I was growing up in the 70s and early 80s, even being gay was not discussed, much less asexuality. All there was was heterosexuality and that covered everyone. Obviously, times have changed but for many of my generation, asexuality is not something we even know about. I didn't hear about it until I was 50, and then everything fell into place and allowed me to become more comfortable with who I am and what I want in life and relationships.

I hear you. A person was either straight or to use the terminology of the day, queer. Nothing about anything else. I was a teen in the late 70s and had zero interest in sex. I never had crushes or a girlfriend or boyfriend. I found out about asexuality when I was 44 and here I am almost 62 and still a virgin.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I was a workaholic. I never had the concept of asexuality. I lived the life of a selfless spinster, which was the only life story that I knew. My life is mostly empty outside of work.

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19 hours ago, NancyP said:

I was a workaholic. I never had the concept of asexuality. I lived the life of a selfless spinster, which was the only life story that I knew. My life is mostly empty outside of work.

I wouldn't say I was a workaholic, but I had it and recreation activities both with friends and solo, and I was happy. I never spent any time bemoaning the fact that I didn't have a 'friend' or a sex partner.

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On 9/7/2023 at 5:02 AM, Shylo said:

This is something I can strongly relate to. When I was growing up in the 70s and early 80s, even being gay was not discussed, much less asexuality. All there was was heterosexuality and that covered everyone. Obviously, times have changed but for many of my generation, asexuality is not something we even know about. I didn't hear about it until I was 50, and then everything fell into place and allowed me to become more comfortable with who I am and what I want in life and relationships.

Same here. Not interested. Made up stories at school to help fit in, but I don't think I was believed. I've had partners but never enjoyed the intimate physical side of the relationship. My current 'partner' has no clue! Asexual is something I have only just realised I am & just wondering how to to approach telling him.

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