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Unsure of emotions, aro? Ace?


Veryconfusedhere

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Veryconfusedhere

Hello I'm honestly really confused. Most of my life I wasn't allowed an opinion and was pretty much told I'd die alone repeatedly by my parents so it's given me a major complex and fear of dying alone. 

 

I dont really understand emotions because I grew up being told emotions was a sign if weakness and was drugged by my family to keep them away..and I didn't really have friends. 

 

So when I did make friends I got really attached to them. I was taught that only romantic relationships would mean they'd never leave. I did grow up watching Disney after all. So I'd be attached to my friends and they'd say they like me and I didn't really or didn't know.. And I'd agree to dating them and sexual things... Even though it disgusts me. I mean kissing disgusts me so..

 

I lost good friends because those feelings would fade and I'd wish we'd just stay close friends but I was afraid of losing them and I'd lose them anyway. 

 

So now I have another new friend and we get along really well but they're younger than me. I'm pretty sure I'm sex repulsed ace so that's not an issue regardless that's literally the last thing I'd ever want because I just find it so disgusting. The issue is anytime I get attached to a friend I act like an idiot with a crush but I don't really want to date them I really just want to spend a lot of time with them and not end up losing them like everyone else has left my life. I had no idea a squish was a thing, I just really like talking and spending time with very few people. 

 

My ideal relationship is a companion I live with who will stay by my side and we can cuddle and watch movies and play video games and go to amusement parks and maybe hold hands but none of the more heavy uncomfortable things that come after it. I don't even feel comfortable with more adult TV shows and movies cause I don't wanna see it. Romantic stuff sure I can stomach it but kissing and after no thanks. 

 

Is that what aro is? I do want to be with someone but it's more like a best friend.. I didn't even have a best friend as a kid. 

 

I also have pretty bad ptsd due to trauma that makes me emotional age really stunted compared to my peers, but I'm pretty sure I felt that way before all that. 

 

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BlakeTheNightowl~

as a triple a sounds like a close friendship bond to me ~ 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Sorry about the abuse you've suffered; if it helps you feel less alone I was abused too (recently cut off yet another toxic relationship - mother).

 

Being very clingy with your friends isn't wrong, as long as you respect their right to privacy and other friendships etc. I'm one of these where if I like you I LOVE you and if not, you'll know about it, so I get very soppy and needy with my best friends.

 

Romance is just a different feeling to friendship or familial love, nothing more nothing less. It is not defined by actions, only by the ability to experience romantic feelings. You can be monogamous or polyamorous, very romantic or only lightly; don't get sucked into the idea romance is always like a disney cartoon or Romeo and Juliet.

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First of all, I’m so sorry about all the things you had to go through. I hope you’re in a better place now.

I’d say try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If you wanna identify as aromantic, go for it, but if you realize that you feel differently later, don’t worry about it, it’s normal and okay. And it’s totally possible to have a life partner without all the romantic stuff! They’re called queerplatonic relationships and they can be super flexible.

Wishing you the best!

💜

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