Confusion about Romantic/Platonic Differences and Possible Aromanticism

[HurricaneK]

Hi, all! I'm fairly new to AVEN, and I recently realized that I am asexual when I began realizing that I've always viewed people and sex differently from my peers. However, I'm wondering whether I'm aromantic as well, because I've never been romantically attracted to someone - that I know of. I've been reading to try and distinguish between romantic and platonic attraction, and the "warmth in chest and desire spend time with them" definition of romantic attraction that I keep coming across sounds more like how I see my closest friends, which is obviously only platonic. Is there some other defining factor that really distinguishes platonic attraction from romantic attraction that I haven't come across? I'm wondering about what exactly differentiates the feeling of romantic attraction from that platonic warmth/affection toward close friends, because from what I've read there doesn't seem to be much difference, and I feel like I'm missing something there - obviously, there's the desire to be with the romantic interest, but how do you even know you want to date them and not just hang out as friends? Sorry if this sounds super dumb, I'm just super unclear on all this as I'm trying to figure out what I have/haven't experienced and what that means for me!

 

I'm finding it a bit confusing, because I'm pretty positive I haven't experienced romantic attraction, unless I have and just didn't realize it. I'm not really against relationships, though, and not repulsed by the idea of some cute (hand-holding, non-sexual cuddling, dates, etc.) relationship, although I'm not sure whether I'd be into kissing as I've never been kissed and honestly have avoided any opportunities that have arisen where it felt as if kissing could occur. I just feel like at this point I would have experienced some kind of romantic attraction if I were a romantic person, so I'm just trying to figure this all out. Any replies, advice, or suggestions will be greatly appreciated, and thank you!

[BlakeTheNightowl~]

as an aro platonic is just close friendship bond 

[BlakeTheNightowl~]

A platonic friendship is a close friendship between two people who are not dating or having sex If the friendship moves beyond “just friends” then it is no longer platonic~

[HurricaneK]

37 minutes ago, BlakeTheNightowl~ said:

A platonic friendship is a close friendship between two people who are not dating or having sex If the friendship moves beyond “just friends” then it is no longer platonic~

Thanks!!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

We can't tell you because romance is just a different type of feeling to friendship/familial, that's it. There are no inherently romantic actions (these differ across cultures and time), there is no flashing billboard in your head that pops up saying HI, YOU'VE ACHIEVED ROMANTIC ATTRACTION, and romance is not "above" any other type of feeling, it just is. Hate to be annoying, but if you feel it, you'll know.

[HurricaneK]

1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

We can't tell you because romance is just a different type of feeling to friendship/familial, that's it. There are no inherently romantic actions (these differ across cultures and time), there is no flashing billboard in your head that pops up saying HI, YOU'VE ACHIEVED ROMANTIC ATTRACTION, and romance is not "above" any other type of feeling, it just is. Hate to be annoying, but if you feel it, you'll know.

You're not being annoying! Honestly, thanks for being blunt with me haha - I'm seeing so many different things that you saying that helps a lot. Because people keep defining it so differently, it was getting even more confusing than already as to whether or not I've actually experienced it before. Thanks!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

2 minutes ago, HurricaneK said:

You're not being annoying! Honestly, thanks for being blunt with me haha - I'm seeing so many different things that you saying that helps a lot. Because people keep defining it so differently, it was getting even more confusing than already as to whether or not I've actually experienced it before. Thanks!

I am well known for being blunt

[HurricaneK]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I am well known for being blunt

Honestly, goals. I'm always too worried to be blunt for fear of offending someone or regretting it later haha.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

There's a lot of things I'd do with romantic partners but not with friends

Well, I could, but someone looking from outside would definitely think we're more than friends.
ie it involves a lot of physical closeness and caressing. (nothing sexual tho)

 

note: sensuality is my way of sharing love and affection most of all. Not everyone is like that.

[HurricaneK]

1 hour ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

There's a lot of things I'd do with romantic partners but not with friends

Well, I could, but someone looking from outside would definitely think we're more than friends.
ie it involves a lot of physical closeness and caressing. (nothing sexual tho)

 

note: sensuality is my way of sharing love and affection most of all. Not everyone is like that.

That's really interesting to me, as I'm not really a super sensual person - fairly averse to any sort physical contact, honestly. I really appreciate you sharing your view! It's really great being able to hear about the different ways everyone distinguishes romanticism individually. I'm realizing more and more that aromantic might describe me more than I thought it did - not really a moment of truth or anything, but definitely becoming a bit more prevalent as I think all this through. Thanks again for your help!!

[Sarah-Sylvia]

22 minutes ago, HurricaneK said:

That's really interesting to me, as I'm not really a super sensual person - fairly averse to any sort physical contact, honestly. I really appreciate you sharing your view! It's really great being able to hear about the different ways everyone distinguishes romanticism individually. I'm realizing more and more that aromantic might describe me more than I thought it did - not really a moment of truth or anything, but definitely becoming a bit more prevalent as I think all this through. Thanks again for your help!!

I suppose sensuality is pretty common for romance, and definitely a lot in my case But romance can also be just staring in each others' eyes, feeling emotionally close, having a special place in each others' hearts and doing things for each other showing care, sometimes big things, sometimes little things. Wanting to spend a lot of time together, and sometimes that falls into committed relationship or even marriage, though marriage isn't needed, but it can be meaningful too.
I see romance as a desire to connect deeply with someone, and caring in a way that feels fluffy and warm, and close, intimate, affectionate, and for some a little giddy. Anyway, that's what I can think of off my mind that isn't just sensual

I know some of it may overlap a little with other types of love, but love is love ❤️

[HurricaneK]

9 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I suppose sensuality is pretty common for romance, and definitely a lot in my case But romance can also be just staring in each others' eyes, feeling emotionally close, having a special place in each others' hearts and doing things for each other showing care, sometimes big things, sometimes little things. Wanting to spend a lot of time together, and sometimes that falls into committed relationship or even marriage, though marriage isn't needed, but it can be meaningful too.
I see romance as a desire to connect deeply with someone, and caring in a way that feels fluffy and warm, and close, intimate, affectionate, and for some a little giddy. Anyway, that's what I can think of off my mind that isn't just sensual

I know some of it may overlap a little with other types of love, but love is love ❤️

Thanks so much :)

[Artemis42]

I honestly gotta agree with what @Anthracite_Impreza said. In my experience reading definitions of romantic attraction isn’t very helpful. It’s nearly impossible to put it into words, just like most emotions. You kinda just know when you feel it imo. If you think you’re aromantic, try identifying as such for a while and see how it makes you feel. 
I know how frustrating it can be to feel so uncertain so I wish you the best in figuring yourself out!