Aromantic, wanting a romantic relationship?

[[Functionally deleted]]

I tried a google search to see if any threads here might pop up to help me. One did appear, but I'm afraid it really didn't help me at all. Nearly all the replies seemed to conclude that it was probably lithromanticism, and I know for a fact that is not me. Suppose I'll explain what exatly it is that I desire, starting with a little thing I wrote in a moment of clarity while contemplating romanticism.

 

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria of being in a relationship. 

The fun of going out together and fully appreciating the other's company.

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each other while among our treasured friends.

The gentle and private intimacy when spending time alone together, be it simply cuddling or something more.

I will treasure all of our moments together, but I will forever feel guilty and ashamed...

For the romantic feelings were never truly there.

 

In writing this, I believe I have discovered what it is I want, but I am still quite unsure if anyone else has experienced this, or given such a combination of "feelings" a label. I believe I must be some strong flavor of aromantic, significantly more so than the 'demiromantic' I've stuck with for the past two years. But while I don't believe I experience much (if at all) in the way of romantic attraction/romantic love, I do still desire and thoroughly enjoy actually being in a romantic relationship. The only difference is the lack of feelings. I do not believe this to be queerplatonic, as I am very aware of what queerplatonic is to me and am in a wonderful qpr, nor do I believe it to be alterous since what I desire is entirely romantic in nature and I have no problems being referred to as a girlfriend/romantic partner and calling someone else my partner. I do experience sexual attraction to those I want to be in a relationship with, but I do not want it to be a purely (or any sort of majority) sexual relationship. I want to give and recieve cuddles, hugs, and so many kisses (not just on the head, hands, or cheeks). I want to go on dates and have anniversaries to look forward to. I want to give special gifts on valentines day and have the token "meet the family" where I introduce them as my partner.

 

I know this is a lot and it probably just sounds selfish. I sure don't feel too comfortable with these facts because unless I find someone else who feels the same, or is at least ok with the relationship labels and engaging in very romantic things, and we have mutual "feelings" for each other, I do not see a possibility where my partner doesn't end up emotionally hurt because of me being unable to return legitimate romantic feelings. I have only managed to find one person who accepted all of this, we had an interest in each other, and we formed a relationship under all that understanding. But because they were struggling with their mental health due to other factors, we had to break the relationship off for their recovery and I doubt we will start dating again.

 

I apologize if this all seems too far out there to be legitimate. I just know this is what I feel and though it seems to be very strange, but I would like to know if there is anyone out there who has felt anything quite like this.

 

Thank you very much for staying through it all. I hope, even if you have no answer for me, that you have a good day.

[Guest]

44 minutes ago, Emery Grey said:

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria of being in a relationship. 

The fun of going out together and fully appreciating the other's company.

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each other while among our treasured friends.

The gentle and private intimacy when spending time alone together, be it simply cuddling or something more.

I will treasure all of our moments together, but I will forever feel guilty and ashamed...

For the romantic feelings were never truly there.

I just have to say.. everything you described is word-for-word how romantic people feel when desiring a relationship. I... I'm confused at to which part you are suggesting is actually aromantic?

 

44 minutes ago, Emery Grey said:

But while I don't believe I experience much (if at all) in the way of romantic attraction/romantic love, I do still desire and thoroughly enjoy actually being in a romantic relationship. The only difference is the lack of feelings.

You described the opposite of a lack of feelings though

 

44 minutes ago, Emery Grey said:

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria
 

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each

☝️ That is all literally the definition of romantic feelings.

[[Functionally deleted]]

2 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

I'm confused at to which part you are suggesting is actually aromantic?

I enjoy the action of being in a relationship much the same way that some asexual people still enjoy having sex. It is the romantic attraction that I lack. I have a lot of fun getting to do these more intimate things, but I cannot say "I love you" or "I like you" in any way different than I do to all of my friends. I don't want to marry or start a family with anyone and when it came down to it, even during relationships I've had I still didn't really see the other as much more than a very close friend.

[Guest]

17 minutes ago, Emery Grey said:

I enjoy the action of being in a relationship much the same way that some asexual people still enjoy having sex. It is the romantic attraction that I lack. I have a lot of fun getting to do these more intimate things, but I cannot say "I love you" or "I like you" in any way different than I do to all of my friends. I don't want to marry or start a family with anyone and when it came down to it, even during relationships I've had I still didn't really see the other as much more than a very close friend.

so do you not feel:

 

1 hour ago, Emery Grey said:

thrill, excitement, and euphoria

giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings

cutesy and lovey-dovey

?

 

Did you mean the other person experiences those things, but you don't?

[Guest]

You're experiencing relationships in the same way that most sexual people do, certainly that I've seen. Some of them are very romantic, others just consider their significant other to be a very trusted friend, who they put a label on as being their partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, and also sex is (often) involved. Sexual people experience a range of romantic and sexual inclinations, and many sound almost identical to yours. There's a reason many married people say "my wife is my best friend" and such. Relationships are like the closest friendships there are. 

 

You say that you experience all of these desires to be with somebody in a particular way, yet you somehow have decided that what you're wanting isn't "real" romantic inclinations. I'm curious as to why you're making this distinction because, certainly from an outside perspective, you sound very romantic. The things you want are the very definition of romance.

 

Honestly speaking, you're more romantic than me. I'm a gay man. I want sex eventually, but am too lazy to pursue it. I'm interested in relationships, but not too fond of active romantic gestures. You're much more romantic than I am, and it sounds like you very deeply desire romantic things.

 

Not gonna lie... it sounds like you're looking for a difference that doesn't exist. Or, if it does, it is far more surmountable than you think. Most folks would be comfortable having a relationship with a person like you.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Emery Grey said:

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria of being in a relationship. 

 

1 hour ago, Emery Grey said:

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each other

 

1 hour ago, Emery Grey said:

gentle and private intimacy when spending time alone together

 

37 minutes ago, Emery Grey said:

It is the romantic attraction that I lack

This all sounds pretty contradictory. What you're describing in your first post is active feelings, responses to romantic situations and outside stimulus, propelled by your desire to be close with another human being. That is romance, and romantic attraction. You are moved to pursue someone else because you wish to be with them in a way that is romantic. Hence, romantic attraction. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Emery Grey said:

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria of being in a relationship. 

The fun of going out together and fully appreciating the other's company.

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each other while among our treasured friends.

The gentle and private intimacy when spending time alone together, be it simply cuddling or something more.

I will treasure all of our moments together, but I will forever feel guilty and ashamed...

For the romantic feelings were never truly there.

That is romantic feelings. You are describing romance in the exact same way  that the vast majority of people experience it. I'm confused as to what it is you think you lack... do you mean that you can feel these things with literally anyone? 🤨 Or that you want to feel these things but can't?

 

Confused.com

[Guest]

How do you feel about this article?

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/being-in-love#signs-of-being-in-love

 

"Being in love generally refers to those intense feelings that take over at the start of a relationship.

These include:

• infatuation
• happiness
• excitement and nervousness
• sexual attraction and lust."

 

"When you’re around the person you love, increases in dopamine and norepinephrine lead to feelings of:

• pleasure
• giddiness
• nervous excitement
• euphoria."

 

You described your experience using several of these words. If you still believe that your giddiness, happiness, excitement, and desire is not romance, could you please explain how this makes sense? I'm trying to understand. I don't want to upset you.

 

There are also many, many articles about people struggling to express love, feel comfortable with love, and say the words "I love you".

 

 

[ace_of_hearts7489]

You sound romantic to me. I'm thinking I'm aromantic and I've never felt those feelings... in fact, I feel quite the opposite about relationships. I am a sex averse asexual and the idea of getting involved with a man terrifies me.

[everywhere and nowhere]

15 minutes ago, ace_of_hearts7489 said:

in fact, I feel quite the opposite about relationships. I am a sex averse asexual and the idea of getting involved with a man terrifies me.

Do you realise that "oranges are not the only fruit"? Or, men are not the only possibility.

I'm not telling you what to do, just asking if you have given the alternative thought. And certainly, not being in a relationship is an alternative too. But I too absolutely couldn't be with a guy, such an idea feels horrible to me. But a woman? Sure. Just, obviously, no sex.

[ace_of_hearts7489]

1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Do you realise that "oranges are not the only fruit"? Or, men are not the only possibility.

I'm not telling you what to do, just asking if you have given the alternative thought. And certainly, not being in a relationship is an alternative too. But I too absolutely couldn't be with a guy, such an idea feels horrible to me. But a woman? Sure. Just, obviously, no sex.

Honestly, the thought of being with women doesn't appeal to me either. I'm not really attracted to females either. I'm not attracted to either sex. I see both as friends only.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Yep, what you described... are romantic feelings.

[Snao Cone]

It sounds like what you think you're missing is a strong life-steering attachment to another person, bordering on consensual obsession. That's not necessary for romance or romantic attraction. If you find your desire for this romantic passion is short-lived with individual people, then that's different from aromanticism. Some might say it's in the grey-romantic area (depending on how much of a drive you have to pursue the euphoric sensations), but I think it's just one of many manifestations of romantic motivations in people.

[Acetheist]

7 hours ago, Emery Grey said:

I love the thrill, excitement, and euphoria of being in a relationship. 

The fun of going out together and fully appreciating the other's company.

The giddy, gleeful, and sappy feelings when we get to be cutesy and lovey-dovey with each other while among our treasured friends.

The gentle and private intimacy when spending time alone together, be it simply cuddling or something more.

I will treasure all of our moments together, but I will forever feel guilty and ashamed...

For the romantic feelings were never truly there.

I feel like I know what you mean! It's like, all the parts of romantic attraction are there but it doesn't equate to feeling romantic attraction... it's like eating a head of lettuce, a tomato, a cucumber, and a slice of cheese, it has all of the components of a salad, but that's not actually a salad. ...ok that was a weird analogy but y'know... 

 

Anyways, I know how you feel! I'm struggling to figure out my romantic orientation because with the few people I've had a "crush" on, I never felt anything actually romantic, but it was a little different than how I felt with just friends? But it still wasn't romantic? I don't know, feelings are weird 😞

[Anthracite_Impreza]

30 minutes ago, Acetheist said:

all the parts of romantic attraction are there but it doesn't equate to feeling romantic attraction

How is it different exactly? It's not like you get a flashing billboard saying "YO THIS IS ROMANCE CALLING". If it's feels like romance, behaves like romance and looks like romance... it's romance. Not all romance is Romeo and Juliet drama BS, it can be quiet and subtle; mine is.

 

34 minutes ago, Acetheist said:

it's like eating a head of lettuce, a tomato, a cucumber, and a slice of cheese, it has all of the components of a salad, but that's not actually a salad

That would be a salad, by literally any standard. An odd one, if you ate them all separately, but still.

[Acetheist]

36 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

How is it different exactly? It's not like you get a flashing billboard saying "YO THIS IS ROMANCE CALLING". If it's feels like romance, behaves like romance and looks like romance... it's romance. Not all romance is Romeo and Juliet drama BS, it can be quiet and subtle; mine is.

It's kinda like if you're crying but not actually sad. It's the reaction without the feeling. If you don't feel sad it would feel wrong to say you are sad. So basically, it behaves and looks like romance, but it doesn't feel like romance. 

 

What I feel, at least, seems fundamentally different than what others feel. I've seen people describe it as a feeling that makes you want to be in a romantic relationship with a specific person as a result of the attraction; what I experience is liking someone but not desiring a romantic relationship with them, but I'd still be happy to be in one with them. I like the idea of being in a relationship, but while I could be happy in one, I'm happy just liking the person I like (as opposed to having the desire to date them).

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Sorry, but I guess I have to agree with the majority.. If you like those things, and those feelings, I think that counts as romatnic feelings, so possibly is attraction at least a little.

Maybe... maybe there's a way to see it as grayromantic somehow?

Like, I'm graysexual and I don't feel like I experience sexual attraction, but I can enjoy certain sexual acts if they tap into my sensual desire. And actually I can enjoy giving a particular act sometimes and it feels sexual, but it's hard for me to say I'm sexually attracted. That's besides any possibly demi feelings which I'm not sure I have or not at this point.

Anyway, I don't know any other place to fit me than in gray. If I had no interest at all in sexuality then I'd say I'm asexual. 

Please feel like you can talk about your feelings around this though @[Functionally deleted], maybe there's something some of us don't quite understand, and you deserve to express yourself.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

5 minutes ago, Acetheist said:

It's kinda like if you're crying but not actually sad. It's the reaction without the feeling. If you don't feel sad it would feel wrong to say you are sad. So basically, it behaves and looks like romance, but it doesn't feel like romance. 

 

What I feel, at least, seems fundamentally different than what others feel. I've seen people describe it as a feeling that makes you want to be in a romantic relationship with a specific person as a result of the attraction; what I experience is liking someone but not desiring a romantic relationship with them, but I'd still be happy to be in one with them. I like the idea of being in a relationship, but while I could be happy in one, I'm happy just liking the person I like (as opposed to having the desire to date them).

I think that's interesting, and cool. But the OP mentioned euphoria and sappy feelings at being lovey-dovey. Is there a way to see that as not being romantic feelings? If someone likes those things and feels drawn to them, isn't that attraction?

[Alawyn-Aebt]

4 minutes ago, Acetheist said:

I've seen people describe it as a feeling that makes you want to be in a romantic relationship with a specific person as a result of the attraction

As a romantic person, that is not always true. Just like sexual people do not want to be in a sexual relationship with everyone they find sexually attractive, romantic people do not want to be in a relationship with everyone they are romantically attracted to. Romantic attraction is not a desire to date. I've felt romantic attraction for about 4 people so far, not once have I wanted to date them. Theoretically I would not be against dating and being in a relationship with them, but on a practical level I have no desire to date. 

 

Please do not read this as someone saying your feelings are actually romantic, I am only trying to clear up some misconceptions about romance.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Just now, Acetheist said:

I've seen people describe it as a feeling that makes you want to be in a romantic relationship with a specific person as a result of the attraction; what I experience is liking someone but not desiring a romantic relationship with them, but I'd still be happy to be in one with them. I like the idea of being in a relationship, but while I could be happy in one, I'm happy just liking the person I like (as opposed to having the desire to date them).

The only relationship I've ever had was by accident, it just happened. I thought I was aro before that, and no I'm not demi or grey or whatever, just never met the right one I guess. Being "A Thing" was not even on my radar though, I just knew I loved him in a different way. I've never dated nor do I have the desire to date. My crushes are just that, crushes, no desire for owt else (relationship aside). We are very chillaxed, we don't do intense sessions even in a romantic context and I don't think he is more important than my non-romantic besties even though he's more important than everyone he isn't on par with. Literally the only difference is "it feels different".

 

I think a lot of people are thinking there's this magical sign that pops up when you have "achieved" romantic or sexual feelings. There isn't. If you feel romantic or sexual feelings, then that's what they are. Don't overthink it.

[Acetheist]

12 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

The only relationship I've ever had was by accident, it just happened. I thought I was aro before that, and no I'm not demi or grey or whatever, just never met the right one I guess. Being "A Thing" was not even on my radar though, I just knew I loved him in a different way. I've never dated nor do I have the desire to date. My crushes are just that, crushes, no desire for owt else (relationship aside). We are very chillaxed, we don't do intense sessions even in a romantic context and I don't think he is more important than my non-romantic besties even though he's more important than everyone he isn't on par with. Literally the only difference is "it feels different".

 

I think a lot of people are thinking there's this magical sign that pops up when you have "achieved" romantic or sexual feelings. There isn't. If you feel romantic or sexual feelings, then that's what they are. Don't overthink it.

Ok, that makes sense... I will say the last time I had a crush was five years before I realized I was asexual and I assumed it was sexual attraction at the time, so now that I know what to be looking for, well, there's no one for me to test my feelings on. So if romantic attraction is just liking someone in a different way, then I totally get it (and thanks for stating it like that). I've always had this idea of what "romantic" anything feels like, and what I've felt didn't quite match up - it was like everything I felt felt too practical and romance was supposed to crush all logic... or something like that lol. 

 

Maybe I was just assuming that the in-love+wanting to date was romantic attraction? Either way thanks @Anthracite_Impreza @Alawyn-Aebt and @Sarah-Sylvia for putting it in a way that makes sense to me!

[Raindrops]

I remember feeling a euphoria when I started my first relationship, but that was just from the thrill that I finally had one, now I was "normal". That feeling ran out within a day and we broke up soon after. 🤪 What you feel sounds wonderful, I'm no expert but it certainly sounds strong enough to be romance.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

23 minutes ago, Acetheist said:

it was like everything I felt felt too practical and romance was supposed to crush all logic... or something like that lol. 

Nah that's bollocks. Some people feel like that, but I've never been out of touch with reality cos of romance. I don't worship my crushes or ignore their flaws (and most have a lot, I tend to crush on fictional villains tbh, though not all). I just get a bit "crushy" - giddy, excitable, "eeeee I love you" (not Real Love obvs) and that's that. Perfectly capable of going through most of the day not even thinking of anything romance related. Plus I'm autistic; you'll never get me out of my practical-mindedness however much I'm crushing or even in actual love.

[Rynn]

My peeps, please be kind to newbies, and extra careful when contradicting something that has to do with someone's identity. Posting about yourself on a public forum, especially about your insecurities, can be a very scary first step to some people, and we need to take that into account in the tone we use to respond to people.

 

Ryn, moderator.

 

Also, I am surprised nobody has mentioned cupioromanticism yet. Sounds like it could fit.

[✨uwu✨]

12 minutes ago, Rynn said:

My peeps, please be kind to newbies, and extra careful when contradicting something that has to do with someone's identity. Posting about yourself on a public forum, especially about your insecurities, can be a very scary first step to some people, and we need to take that into account in the tone we use to respond to people.

 

Ryn, moderator.

 

Also, I am surprised nobody has mentioned cupioromanticism yet. Sounds like it could fit.

I WAS LITERALLY ABT TO COMMENT THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HOURS BC OF SCHOOL😭😭😭 you can enjoy romantic things and still not feel romantic attraction, that's like tots okay! it doesn't invalidate your aromanticism at all! 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Ahhh. You know, I feel like this is again right at the line between something being aromantic and grayromantic. We've had talks before that did the same for asexual and graysexual, and the question was what counts as attraction? If someone can enjoy and even want a relationship for it, does it count as that attraction? Most people say yes, because attraction isn't just about getting crushes, it's also liking romance itself so long as you can want it with someone. While some others will say well no it's not attraction, I just enjoy that.

Obviously if someone feels that it really is aromantic, then that's what works for them as a label, but I think it's much easier to say that it's in the aromantic spectrum, and that grayromantic is the easiest to use, because then there isn't as much confusion.

I'm fully romantic, and I don't need to be attracted to someone romantically to want and enjoy romance with them. I consider that part of my romantic identity, because desire for romance overflows from me. Maybe I just like them as a person, or as a friend, and I can feel drawn to romance simply because I like it, not because I have a crush on them.
So I can't help feel that what's talked about here is romantic, but obviously I can't put myself in someone's head, so if they feel it really isn't a sign of being romantic, then that's ok, but it will be hard for me to understand

[Guest]

4 hours ago, ✨uwu✨ said:

5 hours ago, Rynn said:

My peeps, please be kind to newbies, and extra careful when contradicting something that has to do with someone's identity. Posting about yourself on a public forum, especially about your insecurities, can be a very scary first step to some people, and we need to take that into account in the tone we use to respond to people.

 

Ryn, moderator.

 

Also, I am surprised nobody has mentioned cupioromanticism yet. Sounds like it could fit.

I WAS LITERALLY ABT TO COMMENT THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HOURS BC OF SCHOOL😭😭😭 you can enjoy romantic things and still not feel romantic attraction, that's like tots okay! it doesn't invalidate your aromanticism at all! 

Yes but the issue is that the OP is experiencing distress because of what they perceive to be aromanticism. The upset their partners feel would seem to come from the OP insisting they don't experience romantic attraction while they are clearly still experiencing regular romantic feelings and having regular romantic desires. Now if the OP was able to examine their experience in a different light, and realize there isn't some 'extra' factor they're lacking (because they described genuine romantic attraction, actually stronger than some other romantic people feel it) then that could go a long way to helping them experiencing happier and more fulfilling relationships. That is the reason for all these responses. The label is being used by the OP to box themselves into a specific experience, thus restricting the way they experience their relationships and causing them distress. People are trying to help them, not be mean or contradict them.

 

5 hours ago, Rynn said:

I am surprised nobody has mentioned cupioromanticism yet. Sounds like it could fit.

The Op clearly expresses wanting a romantic relationship, and also expresses feeling strong romantic attraction, they just have a misconception of what those terms mean for the average romantic person which is why they are assuming they must be aromatic. This is causing them to feel distress. Anyway what they described (the wanting a relationship and having the feelings etc) does not at all fit the definition of cupioromanticism which is why it hasn't been mentioned yet (that and it's a very controversial term, just like cupiosexual)

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

If someone can enjoy and even want a relationship for it, does it count as that attraction? Most people say yes, because attraction isn't just about getting crushes, it's also liking romance itself so long as you can want it with someone. While some others will say well no it's not attraction, I just enjoy that.

Romantic attraction is just being able to experience those feelings for another person/object/cartoon/whatever. The only reason it's called 'attraction' is because it's directed toward someone (fictional, real, a celebrity, object, whatever) but doesn't necessarily mean you want a relationship with them or want to say 'I love you' to them or whatever, it's just feelings that you get as a result of that person for whatever reason. It doesn't exist in a void though. You don't just feel romantic love/desire out of nowhere for no reason towards no thing  (even if that 'thing' is only a fantasy person in your mind, or if they're an object, or a celebrity you'll never meet or something). Something else still had to exist for you to direct that feeling towards/to stir that feeling within you. Being a romantic person just means: Capable of experiencing romantic feelings. What you want to do as a result of those feelings doesn't have an impact on the orientation itself. (Just as a sexual person is someone capable of experiencing a desire for partnered sexual contact with other people, even if they choose to remain celibate their whole life!)

 

4 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Obviously if someone feels that it really is aromantic, then that's what works for them as a label

I totally agree with this HOWEVER if the label doesn't seem to be working, or even seems to be causing distress as one tries to bend the way they interpret their feelings and experiences to fit into the label (which seems to be happening in this case) I think that's a genuine issue for the person.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

12 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

Romantic attraction is just being able to experience those feelings for another person/object/cartoon/whatever. The only reason it's called 'attraction' is because it's directed toward someone (fictional, real, a celebrity, object, whatever) but doesn't necessarily mean you want a relationship with them or want to say 'I love you' to them or whatever, it's just feelings that you get as a result of that person for whatever reason. It doesn't exist in a void though. You don't just feel romantic love/desire out of nowhere for no reason towards no thing  (even if that 'thing' is only a fantasy person in your mind, or if they're an object, or a celebrity you'll never meet or something). Something else still had to exist for you to direct that feeling towards/to stir that feeling within you. Being a romantic person just means: Capable of experiencing romantic feelings. What you want to do as a result of those feelings doesn't have an impact on the orientation itself. (Just as a sexual person is someone capable of experiencing a desire for partnered sexual contact with other people, even if they choose to remain celibate their whole life!)

 

I totally agree with this HOWEVER if the label doesn't seem to be working, or even seems to be causing distress as one tries to bend the way they interpret their feelings and experiences to fit into the label (which seems to be happening in this case) I think that's a genuine issue for the person.

Well, I agree with that because that's what makes sense to me. But what about people who experience romantic or sexual feelings but it doesn't translate to wanting actual relationships? Really we've seen many asexuals say they can experience sexual feelings towards fictional things, but often it's not considered sexual attraction, but maybe it is and I guess most consider it moot unless it's a real person they can know.

I do think in this case it fits as romantic feelings with a person.
I'm not sure they feel distress in this, but I could see it happening if the label doesn't seem to fit well, which might be the case.

[Alejandrogynous]

Not to be that guy who drops the "you just haven't found the right person yet" line on AVEN, but the OP reads to me like someone who's romantic, who feels all the romantic feelings and craves a romantic relationship, but hasn't found the right person to form a sustainable bond with yet. So they want that relationship and develop crushes and whatnot, but once the initial giddy new-relationship phase wears off, they realize they're not actually that into the person they're dating. It's not bad and they still enjoy being in a relationship so they might continue with that person, but the underlying feelings have faded. Which is a perfectly normal thing that happens to romantic people.