I recently came out as asexual and am not sure what to do next...

[Joga]

I am a biological male in my mid-20s. When I started puberty and did not find myself sexually attracted to women, I thought I had to be gay. When I found out I wasn't sexually attracted to men either, I was not sure what I was and lived that way for my whole life. I'm comfortable admitting that I still masturbate but there is no sexual desire/fantasy involved. I have never really felt like a man, but I don't really feel like a woman either so I think I'm non-binary of some kind but present as a man and am not incredibly bothered by it.  I really want to have a relationship, but the fear of sexual incompetence was so overwhelming, so I have never really dated and had resigned myself to being alone... I recently mustered up the courage and came out to my 2 closest and most amazing friends as asexual and nonbinary. They were incredibly supportive but I'm having a really hard time now that they know and the rest of the world does not. I feel like I am putting my costume back on. I am going to gradually tell other people I am very close to, but I'm not sure if my family would understand or accept me, as their views on sex are very binary. They often talk about non-binary people like they are freaks and how confused they are by they/them pronouns (I don't know if I would use those but don't mind he/him) so I would probably just tell them I am asexual if I did. 

 

I have been crying a lot the past 2 days since I told my friends. I have been looking into a lot of asexual resources, and admit that I felt disconnected when I found most asexual resources focused on people that were born biologically female or cis men that experienced sexual desire but chose not to have sex. I know this is a silly distinction and am working towards embracing the similarities instead of focusing on the differences. I feel very lost but this is the first time in my life I have opened myself to the idea of having a partner and living openly asexual so it is also exciting. Just really overwhelming and looking for someone to talk to.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hii. Welcome. 🍰

I don't know where you found your resources, but there's really all sorts of asexuals People who choose not to have sex even if they have sexual attraction are celibate, not asexual, though it really does depend what they feel. There's quite a lot of non-binary asexuals on this site actually, so I'm sure you'll feel at home.
Hope you enjoy your time around

 

As for coming out to family, that can be testing for quite a few, not everyone understands, but they can with time, you just need to be true to yourself, it's knowing and accepting yourself that's most important, and it's great that you have supportive friends as a kickstart around too. I'm sure knowing other asexuals here and talking about the challenges of coming out will be helpful.

[asexual-up-my-sleeve]

Hello, welcome! 🍰 Discovering more about yourself can be very emotionally taxing. I for one, experienced similar things to what you're describing when I discovered my sexual orientation too. Only two people know about it, and I plan to come out to my parents sometime soon. I'm pretty nervous myself, and already suspect that there will be tears on my end involved XD. I totally get the overwhelmed bit; honestly I'm still reeling from this emotional week as I am coming to terms with discovering my asexuality. I would LOVE to talk and get to know you, if you would like. It is so exciting to find a community you relate so heavily to. You're more than welcome to message me 😃.