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What to do about sex dreams???


Buckythedog

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So I’m Apothisexual (at least, I think I am. At the very least, I really don’t want to be sexual.) and I’ve recently had a sexual dream. It was ‘pleasurable’ as far as the very strange circumstances of the dream could go. Does that in anyway raise grounds for me to question what I think of my sexuality?? I’ve been on the fence for a long time, thinking about what I want/wish I was, versus what I seem to be. Does wanting not to be sexual make one asexual?? I’m sorry, this is a lot. 

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If you had a dream about killing someone, would you be worried that you're actually a murderer? Of course not? Dreams have all kinds of crazy stuff, and although sometimes you can gain valuable insights from them, most of the time they're meaningless, and they definitely shouldn't override how you feel in your waking hours.

 

With that said, it's certainly possible to be sexually repulsed and NOT be asexual. For example, it used to be considered normal for a woman to be sexually repulsed, and all the women weren't ace in those days.

 

As to what you should call yourself… Be aware that if you tell people that you're sexually repulsed, which is actually not any of their business unless you choose it to be, you're going to get negative feedback and judgments that you don't want or need. Even if you feel the occasional attraction, and I'm NOT suggesting that you do, I'm just responding to what you said about being on the fence, if the more central aspect of your identity is that you're sexually repulsed, and you don't want to deal with people's BS, tell them that you're ace whether you really fully are or not, because that handles the question of why you're not having sex without revealing anything too private.

 

Or, tell the whole truth and let the chips fall where they may, that's totally your call, please just be aware that once you say something, it's going to get around to everyone you know, and then you can't take it back, and can't erase whatever opinions people have formed about you based on what you said.  

 

But absolutely the most important thing to remember is… Whoever and whatever you are is fantastic! Don't feel bad because you might not perfectly fit a label that you ran across on Tumblr, you are who you are, and who you are is great!

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56 minutes ago, Dawning said:

If you had a dream about killing someone, would you be worried that you're actually a murderer? Of course not? Dreams have all kinds of crazy stuff, and although sometimes you can gain valuable insights from them, most of the time they're meaningless, and they definitely shouldn't override how you feel in your waking hours.

 

With that said, it's certainly possible to be sexually repulsed and NOT be asexual. For example, it used to be considered normal for a woman to be sexually repulsed, and all the women weren't ace in those days.

 

As to what you should call yourself… Be aware that if you tell people that you're sexually repulsed, which is actually not any of their business unless you choose it to be, you're going to get negative feedback and judgments that you don't want or need. Even if you feel the occasional attraction, and I'm NOT suggesting that you do, I'm just responding to what you said about being on the fence, if the more central aspect of your identity is that you're sexually repulsed, and you don't want to deal with people's BS, tell them that you're ace whether you really fully are or not, because that handles the question of why you're not having sex without revealing anything too private.

 

Or, tell the whole truth and let the chips fall where they may, that's totally your call, please just be aware that once you say something, it's going to get around to everyone you know, and then you can't take it back, and can't erase whatever opinions people have formed about you based on what you said.  

 

But absolutely the most important thing to remember is… Whoever and whatever you are is fantastic! Don't feel bad because you might not perfectly fit a label that you ran across on Tumblr, you are who you are, and who you are is great!

Thank you!!! That helps me out a lot!!! 

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Dreams are not meant to be indicators of the conscious sexuality to me.

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Sure dreams are connected to your life and thoughts, but it's also a blur of reality, so I wouldn't give too much thought to it.

This is coming from someone who attends a psychology dream group. We are dream things for a reason, but there are so many outlooks on that dream that it's hard to know what it means. So I wouldn't say that one outlook is always the truth. If I dream about loving onions, even though I really hate them, my brain may just be swapping my strong feeling about onions with a blur in reality thrown in. I feel like dreams are there to confuse us and be strange but depending on the dream they can also tell us things about ourselves.

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I honestly think people put far too much stock in dreams. Sure, sometimes they can reflect real life situations-- such as when you have a lot of stressful dreams, it might be bleeding over from some real life stress-- but for the most part, it's just your brain firing a bunch of nonsensical scenarios as it resets. 

 

Having sex dreams doesn't mean you're sexual, in the same way that a straight man having a gay sex dream wouldn't make him gay, and in the same way that having a dream that you're a hippo doesn't make you a hippo. It's just a dream. 

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From what I understand at a subconscious level, dreams can be influenced by a ridiculous number of variables ranging from the color of a coffee mug on someone's desk two days ago that you had a friendly conversation with... to a wreck that might have been avoided by a aptly-timed stoplight.

 

Dreams are your brains way of processing information during "down time" and can often seem completely random. Chances are, you had a positive interaction with someone during the same day (or at the same time) as an ad featuring that kind of material appeared nearby.

 

...but as @Grimalkin said, it's not really worth putting much worry into. The brain is a vastly complex thing and dreams are as well, possibly even more so.

 

My advice? Don't worry about it and keep being you.

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7 hours ago, Buckythedog said:

Does wanting not to be sexual make one asexual??

No.  It sounds like you may be fighting an orientation that may not suit you at this time.

When I was young, I wanted to be sexual.  I wanted to be a gigalo , a playboy, a male slut.  But I was not wired that way,  This was long before I knew there was such a thing as asexuality.  You simply can't wish your orientation away.

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Galactic Turtle

I've been under the assumption that sex dreams are a function of libido. So if you have a libido, odds are at some point or another you'll have a sex dream. I don't have a libido and have not had a sex dream before. 

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Okay so to put it simply, Apothisexual is basically being sexually repulsed. Having sexual dreams are normal for anyone. Even people who are Apothisexual can have sexual thoughts, but the difference is that they dont typically like them. They can physically react positively but it doesn't mean they're okay with it. 

Dreams are in the subconscious, so anything you dream of is not related to how you feel. Intrusive thoughts cause dreams like this. Intrusive thoughts can be of murdering your best friend to something sexual. They're thoughts that you'd rather not think of or would normally never think about. They could even be things that disgust you.


SO in conclusion: Having pleasurable sexual dreams can still mean you're Apothisexual.


However if you believe you might be something else, thats okay too! Its always good to explore yourself and realise that your sexuality doesn't always stay the same throughout your whole life. Some people can be gay one minute and straight the next (okay maybe not that fast but you get what i mean).

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