BrendanLS Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Sexuality is something I have always struggled with. I had always accepted it as a fact of life that sex was something that couples would eventually do, and I wasn't looking forward to it. But I had never considered myself asexual until A) I watched BoJack Horseman and related somewhat to Todd and B) my ex broke up with me because she didn't think she could be in a relationship with anyone and didn't want to hurt me later because she was asexual (in previous conversations, I had made it sound like sex was something I wanted eventually, because I assumed as a human, that was something she wanted). Anyway, those two things made me realize that asexuality like, actually is a thing that people are, and maybe I'm that. Since then I have determined that I'm definitely asexual, but what I can't figure out is to what extent. Like I said, I've never wanted sex. I've turned down the opportunity several times because no thanks. However, I really enjoy kissing. Kissing is very nice, along with maybe some light groping, but I realized that anything sexual I just view as a science experiment and I don't get anything out of it. I don't seek out porn at all, but if I do happen onto it, it doesn't do anything for me. Masturbating is something that A) I don't want to do and B) I get nothing out of. Also, I'm not aromantic, I such a huge romantic. Tl;dr Sex: no Kissing: yes Porn: no Masturbating: no Romance: yes Anyone has any ideas as to what "classification" this sounds like it falls under? Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KitsuneAce Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 I saw this in the Fb group I am in. 😃 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 41 minutes ago, BrendanLS said: Sexuality is something I have always struggled with. I had always accepted it as a fact of life that sex was something that couples would eventually do, and I wasn't looking forward to it. But I had never considered myself asexual until A) I watched BoJack Horseman and related somewhat to Todd and B) my ex broke up with me because she didn't think she could be in a relationship with anyone and didn't want to hurt me later because she was asexual (in previous conversations, I had made it sound like sex was something I wanted eventually, because I assumed as a human, that was something she wanted). Anyway, those two things made me realize that asexuality like, actually is a thing that people are, and maybe I'm that. Since then I have determined that I'm definitely asexual, but what I can't figure out is to what extent. Like I said, I've never wanted sex. I've turned down the opportunity several times because no thanks. However, I really enjoy kissing. Kissing is very nice, along with maybe some light groping, but I realized that anything sexual I just view as a science experiment and I don't get anything out of it. I don't seek out porn at all, but if I do happen onto it, it doesn't do anything for me. Masturbating is something that A) I don't want to do and B) I get nothing out of. Also, I'm not aromantic, I such a huge romantic. Tl;dr Sex: no Kissing: yes Porn: no Masturbating: no Romance: yes Anyone has any ideas as to what "classification" this sounds like it falls under? Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance! Hii. Welcome 🍰 Sounds like just normally asexual to me Maybe no masturbation means there's something else too, like non-libidoist, but I have no clue if you have libido or not, but if you get nothing out of it then maybe that's something. In my case I say I'm sensual, because I love to touch and hold and cuddle, and all of that a lot, I feel like it replaces my need for sex, because if I'm in a romantic relationship then I need to touch to feel like there's intimacy. But that's just me. You can just consider yourself a romantic asexual if that works for ya Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 You sound like a romantic asexual to me, also possibly a non-libidoist more specifically. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MatureVestal Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 It's too bad that your relationship has ended on such a misunderstanding, especially since you're both Ace. Do you enjoy kissing females more than you would men? If so, then you might be heteroromantic. Welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrendanLS Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 Thanks for the replies! It sounds like the general consensus is just plain asexual. I was probably overthinking it (as I tend to do) and was looking at some of the gray categories. To kind of reply to everyone, I do consider myself straight and I do enjoy things like cuddling and holding hands. So it sounds like there's lots of modifiers one could choose from (i.e. heteroromantic or romantic asexual), but if I can get by with a simple asexual, that sounds good to me! Also related to one of the above posts, I had heard that cake was a symbol in the asexual community. Anyone know how or why that started, and/or what it means (if anything)? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Apparently a bunch of us got together a long time ago and decided cake is better than sex. So are cooked carrots in my opinion, but cake is what everyone went with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrendanLS Posted September 19, 2020 Author Share Posted September 19, 2020 Ahhhh, I do love some cake, so I can definitely say I agree! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aring91 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 Hello, Welcome to AVEN! This is certainly a good place to help better understand your sexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrendanLS Posted November 22, 2022 Author Share Posted November 22, 2022 Update: all of the above still true. I’m more comfortable and settled into the ace thing. I’m also non-binary (any pronouns). This years since about February I’ve been wearing makeup (just lipstick and eyeshadow nothing crazy) and dress + other more “feminine” clothing. Been single ever since my unfortunate breakup with my ex (we’re still friends 1,000 miles apart). Think that’s about it! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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