Could I become asexuality after liking sex?

[laninazeta]

Hi, nice to meet you all. First time here because I'm confused even after all the internet searching. 

These days when I look at my boyfriend I still find him attractive, still want to kiss his face, but no desire of having sex with him. Before I thought I enjoyed it, but now I'm not sure if it was because of the feelings for him or sex itself. And now every time I think of sex it kind of makes me sick, like I'm disgusted just to think of having sex. How should I define this? Could it be asexual or just some mental obstacles? 😔

Thank you

Edited September 18, 2020 by laninazeta
grammar mistake

[fgdsayshi]

Hello there. ^^

 

First off, welcome to the AVEN community. More & more people come here & join, so it's nice to see new people come to the forums. 😊😊

 

I read your post & gave it some thought to try & see if I can give some insight/help out however I could. I understand that you might be unsure of what's going on in regards to your sexuality or how you perceive sex, but I would just like to start off my response to this by saying you don't necessarily "become" a sexuality. If you feel that you might be ace or fit somewhere on the spectrum, it's more like you're coming to terms with your sexuality or you believe your sexuality isn't exactly the same as your romantic orientation. 

 

You can still like your boyfriend (which is fine since you're dating lol), but your sexuality not being what you thought it might be is also fine as well. If you're romantically interested in your boyfriend yet don't like sex, then maybe you are ace. Labelling yourself now isn't a big deal, understanding yourself should come first & being happy should as well. Even if you aren't certain as to whether or not you're ace, I think you ought to discuss this with your boyfriend so that he understands/is aware.

 

No matter what, you are accepted & welcome here. Enjoy the forums~

[fgdsayshi]

37 minutes ago, laninazeta said:

Before I thought I enjoyed it, but now I'm not sure if it was because of the feelings for him or sex itself.

Just wanted to add that a person's past views/overall past with sex doesn't take away from who they are should they identify as ace. There are some asexual people who still have sex & that's normal. ^^

[IIana]

Hi,

 

I think it's possible that you are asexual, but of course only you can figure that out. I think it might help to think more about why you enjoyed sex in the past, or if it was ever a need for you (unless that's difficult due to the disgust you feel now, of course). You could read about sexual attraction (here for example) and think about whether you felt that way, or whether you had other reasons like being curious/wanting to make your partner happy/going along with it because that's just what people in a relationship do/something else (in which case it's still possible to enjoy sex, it just isn't a need).

 

Also, did anything happen that might have caused "mental obstacles"? (Btw, I don't really like that term because obstacles sounds like something you'd just have to get over, and obviously you shouldn't have to have sex if you don't want to no matter the reason.)

 

Anyway, I can relate to having one's feelings about sex change drastically. When I had a boyfriend, I wanted to experiment both with having a romantic relationship and with having sex. I enjoyed it at first, and I thought what I'm feeling must be sexual attraction. In retrospect, it wasn't. And at some point the need to experiment faded and I then I had no reason to have sex. I also sort of shifted to being sex-averse for a while because it felt like sex was too important for him and the relationship wouldn't last without it. It sounds like in your case the romantic attraction didn't disappear along with it though, so I hope you manage to communicate this (better than I did I mean didn't lol) and that your boyfriend is understanding about it.

 

Hope this was helpful, and welcome to AVEN!

Edited September 18, 2020 by IIana

[laninazeta]

On 9/18/2020 at 5:19 PM, fgdsayshi said:

Hello there. ^^

 

First off, welcome to the AVEN community. More & more people come here & join, so it's nice to see new people come to the forums. 😊😊

 

I read your post & gave it some thought to try & see if I can give some insight/help out however I could. I understand that you might be unsure of what's going on in regards to your sexuality or how you perceive sex, but I would just like to start off my response to this by saying you don't necessarily "become" a sexuality. If you feel that you might be ace or fit somewhere on the spectrum, it's more like you're coming to terms with your sexuality or you believe your sexuality isn't exactly the same as your romantic orientation. 

 

You can still like your boyfriend (which is fine since you're dating lol), but your sexuality not being what you thought it might be is also fine as well. If you're romantically interested in your boyfriend yet don't like sex, then maybe you are ace. Labelling yourself now isn't a big deal, understanding yourself should come first & being happy should as well. Even if you aren't certain as to whether or not you're ace, I think you ought to discuss this with your boyfriend so that he understands/is aware.

 

No matter what, you are accepted & welcome here. Enjoy the forums~

Thank you so much❤️ Your words make so much sense to me, and they feel like a reminder or guidance especially when I just started learning about this. Thank you again!

[Janus the Fox]

An aversion to sex after experiencing sex is a valid experience to me, without the sexual component, one may consider a focus toward a romantic orientation seperstely if felt required.