Aromantic and dating? Idk

[NotsoLucky]

I am 29 years old and I havent feel a romantic attraction ever, for a while, even to this day sometimes I think its due to my depression or my childhood, but for some time I have been questioning if I am really an Aromantic Asexual, the Asexual part I think its quite obvious for me but I am struggling with the Aromantic part, a friend of mine who is trans have advice me to look for information online around that, because in my country its not very well known or... in general is not so much as open to the concept, I myself I am still struggling with the idea. 

Anyway, putting that a side for a moment this is the problem I made the post about; I have a friend who is Asexual but its Romantic, and he have had a crush on me for 1 year already, I have been very open with him about that I dont know if I ever will be able to feel romantic love for someone, because I havent experience it yet, I have cried a lot about this because the last thing I want to do its hurt him, he is a very special person to me, my best friend even. He saya that I should not worry that he is happy just being with me, but I cant help the feeling that he wants something more I just cant give, and I dont know what to do... I know he wants a relationship, dating, but Idk if I am even capable of that, we have talked about maybe one day living together for a while as friends. The idea sound good, but, some days I think "well, he knows, he understand that maybe I am just not able of doing that", but other days I am like "what if he want to kiss?" I dont even know If I am capable of that. 

I am very confuse about this, so, I just wanted opinions of other people who are Aromantic, maybe that way I can understand myself a little bit better. 

Thank you for reading and sorry for my bad English. 
I will be very eager to read your responses, thank you.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

1 hour ago, NotsoLucky said:

I am 29 years old and I havent feel a romantic attraction ever, for a while, even to this day sometimes I think its due to my depression or my childhood, but for some time I have been questioning if I am really an Aromantic Asexual, the Asexual part I think its quite obvious for me but I am struggling with the aromantic part, a friend of mine who is trans have advice me to look for information online around that, because in my country its not very well known or... in general is not so much as open to the concept, I myself I am still struggling with the idea. 

Anyway, putting that a side for a moment this is the problem I made the post about; I have a friend who is Asexual but its Romantic, and he have had a crush on me for 1 year already, I have been very open with him about that I don't know if I ever will be able to feel romantic love for someone, because I havent experience it yet, I have cried a lot about this because the last thing I want to do its hurt him, he is a very special person to me, my best friend even. He saya that I should not worry that he is happy just being with me, but I can't help the feeling that he wants something more I just cant give, and I dont know what to do... I know he wants a relationship, dating, but Idk if I am even capable of that, we have talked about maybe one day living together for a while as friends. The idea sound good, but, some days I think "well, he knows, he understand that maybe I am just not able of doing that", but other days I am like "what if he want to kiss?" I dont even know If I am capable of that. 

I am very confuse about this, so, I just wanted opinions of other people who are Aromantic, maybe that way I can understand myself a little bit better. 

Thank you for reading and sorry for my bad English. 
I will be very eager to read your responses, thank you.

I appreciate the fact that your first language isn't English - but can you see the contradiction in the first part I have put in bold? 

 

As an aro myself I would say that you need to be honest with yourself about who you are in order to be honest with your friend about who you are. From what you say it seems that you are questioning whether or not you are aro? The truth is, you're not sure. So when you want to give him a clear yes or no answer about whether you are aro, you can't. Because your 'yes' is hiding a potential 'no', and your 'no' is concealing a possible 'yes'. 

 

This may sound somewhat paradoxical, but if you trust him you need to be unambiguously clear to him that you're not sure about whether you are aro. If he respects you and cares about you as much as you think he does, this will become clear in how he responds to this. In other words, if he starts pressuring you into something you are not comfortable with, tell him to stop. And if he pays no heed to this, keep some distance between you. But I think you also need to ask him whether or not he does want anything "more", since you also seem to be unsure about what he actually wants. 

 

Good luck to you! 🙂

 

Welcome to AVEN btw! 🎂

[NotsoLucky]

"for a while" I meant that for a while I have been trying to question my sexuality that I kept repressed by my depression. Idk If I explained better this time. 

Thank you so much for your reply I will think about it. 

[Guest]

Romantic love is not the only way to love...

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_wheel_theory_of_love

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love

 

It sounds like you'd want companionate love, rather than passionate. Or so to say, Storge, instead of eros.

[Lanthanein]

3 hours ago, NotsoLucky said:

He saya that I should not worry that he is happy just being with me, but I cant help the feeling that he wants something more I just cant give, and I dont know what to do... I know he wants a relationship, dating, but Idk if I am even capable of that, we have talked about maybe one day living together for a while as friends.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about what his needs and desires are for a relationship. If he says he doesn't care if you might aromantic, he could be telling the truth, he ultimately knows himself better than you know him. I'm in a relationship someone alloromantic and my aromanticism doesn't cause any problems- I love them platonically and they love me romantically, because we both deeply care about each-other the type of love doesn't make a difference. Agreeing to "date" them was a bit of a mental roadblock for me, but then I realised we both wanted the same type of companionship and just used different words to describe it. Maybe your idea of living together as friends is exactly the same in practice as his idea of being in a relationship? Everybody's different. I hope everything works out well you for guys!