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sallimae76

Is celibacy easier for women?

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sallimae76

Just wondering...

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Sir_The_Last

I believe  it is no easier for anyone . Each has his or her own battle. 

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PanFicto.

I just replied to your other thread. Celibacy is very easy for asexuals (it comes naturally to them!) but for sexual people, whether or not they can be okay with celibacy comes down to many different factors.

 

I saw someone claiming here the other day that celibacy is easier for women (and they claimed that has medical backing), but I personally think that's a sexist stereotype based on the lack of knowledge about female sexuality in the medical field.

 

Did you know that scientifically, they didn't even know what the whole inside of female sexual organs actually looked like until 2009???? 😧 And that's a physical thing that can be cut open (in bodies donated to science) and examined, yet they had no idea for such a long time! So we can't expect them to know any more about the things that can't be physically examined, like female sexual desire itself.

 

Example of why I think there's proof that celibacy can be just as hard for women; (TW abuse)

 

I was watching a documentary the other day about the prevalence of sexual abuse of female children by nuns!! Apparently it's a MASSIVE issue the church has been covering up for decades and thousands upon thousands of female children have suffered all kinds of perversions at the hands of nuns 😧 So clearly women aren't as 'okay' with celibacy as some in the medical field claim.

 

(End TW)

 

I think for many sexual women, celibacy is just as difficult as it is for many men. On the flipside, I know for a fact that there are sexual men who are okay with celibacy too (I've met quite a few men on AVEN who are not asexual but have been celibate for years by choice!!). Whereas I've also met both sexual men and sexual women here who absolutely hate celibacy but have been forced into it by accident by having an ace partner. They often end up cheating (even with each other) because the celibacy is just too much to bear!

 

So yeah, imo it's a myth that celibacy is easier for women than for men. I think it's an individual thing, not a gender thing. :cake:

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thylacine

Some women have very high sex drives, and some women don't.  We're all different.

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Sky Tune Rein

I dunno, I haven't received much overt pressure in getting laid or not. However, I have witnessed more "slut-shaming" than "man-slut-shaming" and more bashing, microaggressions, you name it, towards supposedly virgin men than virgin women. I think there is a higher-expectation that men shouldn't be virgin after a certain time than women too, probably fuelled by the myth that "men are always horny/have higher sex drives" while women are still stereo-typed in being celebrate until marriage. Going back to me and celibacy though I can say I've had next-to-no sexual invitations in my life or much pressure into having sex, so my course-to-celibacy had been easy to take despite the rhetorics against male-celibacy/virginity. My libido fluctuated a lot but even then I never found it difficult to not ask anybody to sleep with me.

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Sarah-Sylvia

Are people using celibacy to only mean sex? or romantic relationships too? Cuz I think women actually would have more trouble not being in a relationship than men, even if men would have a harder time without sex. (in general)

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2SpiritCherokeePrincess

In my peoples' pre-contact tradition, women were the sexual aggressors & men were expected to be the gatekeepers.  The sight of men in makeup so disturbed the early pioneers that they invented the term "war-paint" to explain it.

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Moon Spirit ☽

Celibacy is easiest for anyone who is asexual, for obvious reasons. Even more so if you don't have a libido, or a low libido. Then people with a lot of self-discipline probably find it easier to go without than people who don't practice any self-control, because they have built up their willpower. 

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Woodworker1968
22 minutes ago, 2SpiritCherokeePrincess said:

In my peoples' pre-contact tradition, women were the sexual aggressors & men were expected to be the gatekeepers.  The sight of men in makeup so disturbed the early pioneers that they invented the term "war-paint" to explain it.

The male pharaohs of ancient Egypt unabashedly wore makeup. They must've been a vain bunch.

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Woodworker1968

It would make sense for celibacy to be easier for women due to the threat of unwanted pregnancy, but then again, it depends on the individual. Fortunately we live in an era when elective sterilization is available for both men and women.

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Philip027

You may find the comedy of Lysistrata an interesting read.  It comes from a time/culture when women were actually considered to be the more "sexual" of the two sexes, and as such it plays out somewhat differently that one might expect if it were written today in a "western" culture.

 

Rough summary: Women are tired of the men being at war, so they come up with the brilliant plan of withholding sex from the men until they learn to play nice.  While the plan ultimately works, the men aren't the only party that have difficulty with it.  Hilarity Ensues.

 

The "Lysistrata Gambit" is somewhat of an enigma to many aces, myself included, because a lot of us can't personally fathom how using sex as the basis for an ultimatum would be effective in the slightest.  It's an empty threat -- like trying to blackmail a vegetarian by telling them that if they don't comply with your demands, you'll never bake a ham for them again.

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stampoc
3 hours ago, sallimae76 said:

Just wondering...

I'm a woman but it's just a label really. When it comes to celibacy there is soooo much pressure in some communities for women to be seen as a celibate pure virgin before marriage. It's unbelievable. I remember people did not speak to me for months because I did not fit the stereotypical ideal woman due to a past mistake. Celibacy is more difficult for ladies! I'm so lucky people are speaking to me again after years of feeling shunned.

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Nowhere Girl
6 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

Fortunately we live in an era when elective sterilization is available for both men and women.

In many countries it isn't.

Fortunately, I use the second contraceptive method with an unreliability index of zero: saying "HELL NO!" to sex! :P

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PanFicto.
8 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Are people using celibacy to only mean sex? or romantic relationships too? Cuz I think women actually would have more trouble not being in a relationship than men, even if men would have a harder time without sex. (in general)

Using celibacy to mean not having sex :)

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Telecaster68
13 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I think women actually would have more trouble not being in a relationship than men

Generally single women do better than single men, statistically (in terms of longevity, health, etc.) 

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Sarah-Sylvia
52 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Generally single women do better than single men, statistically (in terms of longevity, health, etc.) 

I would think they're lonelier, but eh, i guess anybody can be lonely.

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Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I would think they're lonelier, but eh, i guess anybody can be lonely.

Men tend not to talk about it as much either, so even if they were lonely, they may conceal it.

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Woodworker1968
2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Men tend not to talk about it as much either, so even if they were lonely, they may conceal it.

Or, like me, they find other interests to take their minds off of it.

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CBC
28 minutes ago, Woodworker1968 said:

Or, like me, they find other interests to take their minds off of it.

Yeah it doesn't necessarily work that way for everyone. Ham radio and a relationship aren't interchangeable.

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The Abhorred
On 9/17/2020 at 5:44 AM, Philip027 said:

You may find the comedy of Lysistrata an interesting read.  It comes from a time/culture when women were actually considered to be the more "sexual" of the two sexes, and as such it plays out somewhat differently that one might expect if it were written today in a "western" culture.

I haven't read the play but keep in mind that is story written by a man to be played in a theater by men. No way the women were consider more sexual in ancient Greece. Athens is build with a temple dedicated to a virgin goddess in the center, Athena, but there were not celibate virgin man gods.

 

On 9/17/2020 at 5:44 AM, Philip027 said:

The "Lysistrata Gambit" is somewhat of an enigma to many aces, myself included, because a lot of us can't personally fathom how using sex as the basis for an ultimatum would be effective in the slightest.  It's an empty threat -- like trying to blackmail a vegetarian by telling them that if they don't comply with your demands, you'll never bake a ham for them again.

Haha yeah!

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Philip027
Quote

No way the women were consider more sexual in ancient Greece. 

You'd be surprised nowadays, but that's apparently how it was back then.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AllWomenAreLustful

 

Quote

This is a Cyclic Trope, having been popular historically, especially in ancient Greece. Back then, this trope actually replaced All Men Are Perverts: it was assumed that women were too sex-crazed to say no to sex, while men were supposed to hold back for the sake of propriety—being too sexual with women was an insult to a man's virility. In many cultures, it is invoked in stories with the moral to marry your daughters off young (usually to older men who can provide for them, protect them, and keep them on the straight and narrow), to prevent their disgracing the family because they just can't control themselves.

 

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Nile_Seven

Celibacy seems easier for women but in reality it being easier for a person is more related to his/her sexual orientation rather than gender. 

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sallimae76
12 hours ago, Nile_Seven said:

Celibacy seems easier for women but in reality it being easier for a person is more related to his/her sexual orientation rather than gender. 

What do you mean, "sexual orientation"?

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Ortac

Easier for women? Well, I'm a bloke, and I can't relate at all to the idea that celibacy is in any way difficult...

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Philip027
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What do you mean, "sexual orientation"?

Basically, whether you're asexual or not.  Aces in general shouldn't be particularly bothered by celibacy, whereas sexuals are more likely to be.

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trolltoes

Some women definitely desire sex often, some men don't. Like others have said, we're all different. I do know some studies and polls have suggested that most women have a lower sex drive than men, think about it less, and don't avidly seek it out like men do.

I do think socially it's easier for women though. A female virgin is considered a good thing (until you reach a certain age, anyway) but a male virgin will be ridiculed.

Women are also shamed worse for sleeping with multiple partners, so a woman who doesn't at all is probably going to be considered a 'better' woman. Not right, but that's humans for you.

Here are some sources, for anyone who's interested. https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare#1

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cultural-animal/201012/the-reality-the-male-sex-drive

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