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sallimae76

Celibacy is Easy for Me

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sallimae76

Is anyone else this way? I keep reading articles about how it takes great will power. Even priests leaving the priesthood because they can't stay celibate. But for me, it is as easy as my heartbeat, or eyes blinking, or breathing. Takes no conscious effort on my part. Touching people sexually is hard for me, traumatic even.

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PanFicto.

Celibacy comes easy to asexuals because they lack an innate drive to connect sexually with others in the first place :)

 

For many sexual people, sexual desire can be compared to a feeling of hunger in a way. Like once you get hungry, you start thinking about food and wanting food and would find it almost impossible to resist if food is offered to you by someone. It would take an act of huge willpower to resist that desire to eat, and when you've been hungry long enough you may even start going to great lengths to find food to eat! That can be what sexual desire feels like for many sexual people, it can be that strong! So looked at in that light, it's understandable why celibacy is hard for many sexuals.

 

9 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

Is anyone else this way?

To answer your question though, celibacy comes easily for me too though I am not asexual. I am in a minority for sexuals, but I am perfectly content with celibacy and even have an innate preference for it. I do experience strong sexual desire, but only towards fictional characters or sometimes online people, so my 'hunger' can be fulfilled by masturbating while thinking about them. That makes life so much easier :D 

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Anthracite_Impreza

Well yeah cos... we're ace. Replace sex with chocolate though and I'm fucked (excuse the pun).

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Jade Cross
17 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Well yeah cos... we're ace. Replace sex with chocolate though and I'm fucked (excuse the pun).

Or soda (for me)

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sallimae76
18 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Well yeah cos... we're ace. Replace sex with chocolate though and I'm fucked (excuse the pun).

I don't like chocolate either. But I love starchy food, like pasta, rice.

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thylacine
45 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

Is anyone else this way? I keep reading articles about how it takes great will power. Even priests leaving the priesthood because they can't stay celibate. But for me, it is as easy as my heartbeat, or eyes blinking, or breathing. Takes no conscious effort on my part. Touching people sexually is hard for me, traumatic even.

I'm one of those people who's naturally celibate myself.

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Sky Tune Rein

Are we talking external or internal pressure, though?

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sallimae76
1 minute ago, Sky Tune Rein said:

Are we talking external or internal pressure, though?

Biologically speaking. Can't help but wonder why am I so different. Am I a mutant? Deviant from the norm?

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

Biologically speaking. Can't help but wonder why am I so different. Am I a mutant? Deviant from the norm?

... You're asexual, that's why. Asexuals do find celibacy easy cos we don't want sex in the first place.

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CBC

Asexuals have no desire to have sex with other people, so how could celibacy ever be anything but easy...? 
 

Edit: Yeah, what Anthra said.

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Sky Tune Rein

  

9 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

Biologically speaking. Can't help but wonder why am I so different. Am I a mutant? Deviant from the norm?

 

Or just not sexually-attracted to anyone? Nobody knows what causes asexuality, but I bet it isn't just one simple thing. In my case even when my libido was higher than Mount Everest I wasn't compelled to do anyone (although certain people I was close to could easily turn me on, or interest me in a relationship), and when it was at it's lowest I simply didn't care to engage in anything sexual...if not repulsed.

Edited by Sky Tune Rein
This thread exploded while I was typing out this epic reply
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sallimae76
Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

... You're asexual, that's why. Asexuals do find celibacy easy cos we don't want sex in the first place.

Hard to accept sometimes that I am outside of the norm. Although I am grateful to not be approached for intimacy anymore. 

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GingerRose
1 hour ago, sallimae76 said:

Is anyone else this way? I keep reading articles about how it takes great will power. Even priests leaving the priesthood because they can't stay celibate. But for me, it is as easy as my heartbeat, or eyes blinking, or breathing. Takes no conscious effort on my part. Touching people sexually is hard for me, traumatic even.

IDK, I have other ways to pleasure myself so I feel like for now I am not desperate to have sex. I also think I might be asexual ~so there's that.

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Anthracite_Impreza
6 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

Hard to accept sometimes that I am outside of the norm. Although I am grateful to not be approached for intimacy anymore. 

Well, not on AVEN at least. That's what I love about RPing here, I know no one's gonna try to make any sexual scenes in it; even romance has so far only happened once. I tried to RP outside AVEN a few times (always with asexual on my profile somewhere) and it still very quickly turned into innuendos and even outright "hey want our characters to shag?". I left. Swiftly.

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Veezle

I’ve heard celibacy (or abstinence?) compared to seeing your favorite food in front of you and resisting to urge to eat it. To me though it feels more like a diseased rotting pile of feces I’m seeing instead of something I like.

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KiraS

Having comfortable sex for me involves finding a queer person with compatible cultural ideas who is reflective enough to deal with hours of discussion about gender and triggers, and a commitment to go slow and respect boundaries. Celibacy is significantly easier than cultivating a garden in that minefield.

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Galactic Turtle

I called myself "naturally celibate" for years and still think of myself that way even after stumbling upon terms like "asexual." :P

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FaerySilverwings

 

Just now, Galactic Turtle said:

I called myself "naturally celibate" for years and still think of myself that way even after stumbling upon terms like "asexual." :P

Same here! I grew up confused as to why everyone around me acted like abstinence was somehow difficult or celibacy was some sort of achievement involving deep sacrifice---when for me, that's just my natural state of existence. I had sort of thought of myself as "celibate by choice" for a while because y'know, why else wouldn't I be interested in actively pursuing a mate/sex/relationship when I was supposed to be straight? (which... I'm not, it turns out, just clueless and aroace...) In a weird way, though, feeling like I was just a naturally celibate person made it easier for me to not feel pressured to feel like I should be out dating and having all the sex and things.

 

Granted, I was raised in a quasi-methodist christian household in a very conservative part of Texas, so I'd been told when I was young that sex was supposed to be saved for marriage and making children; since I didn't want to get married or have children, I never really questioned why I personally stayed celibate even after I went off to uni and learned more about the breadth of human experiences and cultural norms.

 

I've also always been drawn to celibate characters in fiction/history/mythology, although I didn't recognize quite why their stories resonated with me. 

 

I recently ended up in a conversation about this with my mother because she'd encountered people who were celibate for religious reasons and acted like that made them "better" than their colleagues who weren't... which is part of how I'm now openly talking to her about asexuality etc, because I couldn't help laughing and explaining that there's a whole community of people "like me" who don't see being celibate as a personal struggle at all. (I am very grateful that she's openminded and accepting about the things I've told her so far---I think the fact that she knows a lot of religious-celibate people probably helps her understand the concept, actually.)

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Nowhere Girl
8 hours ago, sallimae76 said:

Hard to accept sometimes that I am outside of the norm.

How to put it... I don't like the word "abnormal" because it implies "sick", "crazy", "not a real human being". But the mere fact of being untypical, being in the minority? I love it! I really, really love it, already since childhood I have found "fitting in" unappealing and "otherness" fascinating! And it goes back really far, to when I was less than ten years old.

Over time - through literature and through philosophy - I realised that the concept of "just be like everyone else!" is empty because "everyone else" is NOT alike, the realm of possible experience is infinite. Nobody's life events and inner experience of life are identical with anyone else's. Which is, for me, just another reason to cultivate eccentricity, to show others that diversity is beautiful and we are here for the beauty.

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Janus DarkFox

Yeah, I don’t have desires to have sex so there’s nothing to resist to be ‘celibate’ for sex.

 

Posdibly I’m the same way for ‘romance celibacy’ having no desires for romantic contact, different story for romantics of course.

 

Interesting this as I’m in a Relationship of some kind.

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Nowhere Girl
2 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Yeah, I don’t have desires to have sex so there’s nothing to resist to be ‘celibate’ for sex.

I personally understand "celibacy" as "not having sex for any reason". So, including not having sex because of not wanting to.

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Raindrops

It was this that helped me realise my asexuality. Despite having a libido and masturbating often I knew I was fine with never having sex, happy even. Then I did some research and voila. 😛

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