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Am I the only one who is like this?


Violet of the Stars

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Violet of the Stars

This might be more of an aro thing... but I'm not a huge fan of romance in media. I guess it's because it's so far removed from my life I have trouble getting invested in it. 

 

Despite this, I've always been more tolerant of LGBT+ relationships than hetero ones. I have no idea why this is. I asked some of my friends, who are mostly all bi and they feel similar. I guess I don't like having this weird double standard as I feel like I'm being somehow harsh on straight couples.

 

Even if I'm more tolerant of LGBT+ ships, I don't really "claim" them in the way other shippers do. Most of the time I just think they're neat.

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17 minutes ago, Violet of the Stars said:

I guess it's because it's so far removed from my life I have trouble getting invested in it. 

Same. I'm definitely romantic (to some extent), but the way romance is shown in media? Heck freakin' nope. LGBT+ seems to be a bit more down-to-earth, more relatable maybe. Lots of heteromance (is that a word? It should be) in media follows the same tired clichés that don't really apply to anyone I guess, but it's so mainstream people think their lives are wrong if they don't go the way the media claims they should. LGBT+ romance can be more quirky, doesn't follow the same schematics and feels more realistic to me.

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I do relate to some degree, I wouldn't say that romance annoys me or anything unless it's poorly written....but as a fellow aro it doesn't do much for me either. I do really dislike when romance seems rushed and unrealistic which oftentimes seems to be the case- but when it's well written and actually important to the plot or growth of the characters than I can get behind it. But yeah, over-the-top sappy romance just for the sake of romance drives me nuts. 

 

To the second part of your question, I think I read an article a while back about how a lot of straight women are drawn to male/male ships as opposed to hetero ones, even though logic dictates that straight people would be drawn to straight ships. I think it makes sense for aro ace women in particular to be drawn to male/male ships because we don't fantasize about being with the person, so it wouldn't matter if they're gay, straight or otherwise. I remember I once had a debate with a friend over a guy that we both found attractive but she couldn't think about him "that way" knowing he was gay, whereas I as an asexual would never consider a sexual relationship anyway so it made no difference to me. ...I have no idea if that made any sense, but thanks for letting me ramble 😅

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everywhere and nowhere

I absolutely feel similar. Straight "romantic comedies" make me want to puke from boredom (I'm not sure if I have ever watched one from beginning to end), queer "romantic comedies"? - great. I feel very uncomfortable when reading hetero sex scenes in books (fortunately, I mostly read non-fiction), gay or lesbian sex scenes don't give me that kind of reaction.

There is a stereotype that gay sex is oh so disgusting (often used as justification for homophobia, as if whether a person has "nice" or "ugly sex", or none at all, should have any influence on their civil rights...) and for me it doesn't work - I find straight sex more more horrible.

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Same.  To me, it seems like straight couples in media follow the same routine and cliches or are rushed.  Since one main character is male and the other is female, they have to end up in the end, right? When I watch a movie, I'll be thinking "Stop kissing and run away from the explosion!" XD LGBT+ relationships feel more natural to me w/ their build up and character development in the story.

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I, too, am not a huge fan of romance in media. I read a lot of fantasy, and it feels like pretty much every fantasy book ever written has a romantic subplot *sigh*. Which I really dislike, particularly since one of the founding pillars of the modern fantasy genre, specifically high fantasy, is The Lord of the Rings, which centered and uplifted friendship. I read the trilogy for the first time recently, after years of it not rising to the top of my to-read list, and found it so refreshing.

 

I haven't read as much LGBT+ fantasy as I would like, but based on the dataset of what I have read, I agree with you. I find them much more tolerable, and I think @weird elf has nailed the reason: they're not so cliche and formulaic.

 

Like, @SenAlkazar is right. You watch a movie or read a book with one male and one female protagonist, and they're going to end up together. It's predictable with no character development.

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Formulaic! That's the word I was looking for, thanks @KosKat!

 

And on the subject of LotR - why the frell did they have to shoehorn that romance BS into the movies. Beats me. The books are long enough and good enough, why scrap so much of the actual story (Bombadil who?) and do ... that ... instead?

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I like seeing romance, but only if it's done well and not too cliche of course. I love gay (especially lesbian) romance more, but I don't see what's wrong with seeing straight romance. it could possibly be bitterness because it's mainstream?

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I don't identify as aromantic but I can definitely relate to what you're saying. I've found lots of straight couples in TV series either very boring or overly exaggerated. I think I also always disliked the fact that in most shows they all end up with someone in the end because it sort of reinforced the "Everyone meets someone eventually" idea. With LGBT+ couples I find their stories more unique and interesting, plus I can understand that they need representation. Most of the shows I watched as a teenager had maybe one side character that wasn't straight and that was about it.

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I like romance in fiction if it's genuine and actually relevant to the plot, and has something original in it, in some way. But oh man, those painted on "mandatory" romances in some shows or media annoy the heck out of me! I still don't think I relate to the romance thing, even though I might like to read about it, it's more like reading about fantastical creatures, to me :D I like to imagine them, but they don't exist in real life, for me, at least, if you catch my drift? And yeah, lately, for some reason, I've found lgbt+ stuff with romance much more... I don't know, I guess interesting might be a word for it. The lovey-dovey hetero romance cliche makes me a bit queasy. I wonder if it's just another way my search for "unique" love stories manifests? 

Also, I'm a bit bummed about why there is so little fiction that, for example, centers on a couple that has a good, solid relationship? You don't have to show me how they met, you don't have to invent unnecessary drama between them, just make them interesting characters, make them love each other, and invent a plot that doesn't depend on their relationship??? Should I just start writing that story, if no one else will? :'D 

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5 minutes ago, Aloney said:

I'm a bit bummed about why there is so little fiction that, for example, centers on a couple that has a good, solid relationship? You don't have to show me how they met, you don't have to invent unnecessary drama between them, just make them interesting characters, make them love each other, and invent a plot that doesn't depend on their relationship??? Should I just start writing that story, if no one else will? :'D 

Yes, yes you should!

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Following on that ,one thing I don't like about some romances (though most I watched was romance anime) is that it often ends on them getting together (falling in love), and we don't actually see the relationship develop past that. Personally I'd still like focus on the relationship, and also the build up to when they got together, but yeah I'd like to see more story for after they do get together :P

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I'm on the aro spectrum, and while I don't have a problem with seeing romance in media most of the time, I really wish some stuff would focus on familial or platonic relationships more. Recently I really got into an anime called Vinland Saga, and I loved it because it was very much powered by complex family-like dynamics and vengeance and the main character's own goals and motivations, there was zero romance and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

I also enjoy seeing LGBT romantic relationships because as someone who's not straight myself, and has many gay friends, I know the representation makes us feel happy and included. I headcanon a lot of my favorite characters as ace, and while we stan the lesbians I do wish there was more healthy mainstream MLM relationships in media that weren't just mentioned offscreen or after the fact. 

 

I don't tend to "ship" characters unless they're already canon either

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If the focus of the plot is not on romance, if doesn't take too much time or pages and if it makes sense in context of the plot or the canon it is OK for me. For example, I dismissively like the romance between Arwen and Aragon in Lord of Rings movies because it meets the conditions that I sated above. But movies that are only about romance against my taste. I think they are boring, not creative and misunderstanding romance as character development. This may be because of me being aro or because I tend to beat emotions down with logic.

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18 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Following on that ,one thing I don't like about some romances (though most I watched was romance anime) is that it often ends on them getting together (falling in love), and we don't actually see the relationship develop past that. Personally I'd still like focus on the relationship, and also the build up to when they got together, but yeah I'd like to see more story for after they do get together :P

Oh, have you ever read the manga "kanata kara"? It's one of my alltime favorites! It's an older manga, from the nineties, but the main couple is cute and lovable, there's a lot of things going on besides their relationship, and they do actually get together before the end of the series, so you get to see them interact as a couple! Also, well-developed and likable side characters, a lot of them, not to mention, both the good and the bad guys have both attractive and unattractive people, that are drawn as such! And for a change, "ugly" doesn't automatically mean "stupid" in it, like in so many manga... It was very refreshing, when so many shows only have pretty people :D Also also, the romance isn't flaunted, there's just enough to see that they love each other, and it mostly focuses on their more platonic side of relationship... oh, was this maybe why I fell in love with the series, so much? 😅 I mean, of course there's some drama, but it's still enjoyable :3

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14 minutes ago, Aloney said:

Oh, have you ever read the manga "kanata kara"? It's one of my alltime favorites! It's an older manga, from the nineties, but the main couple is cute and lovable, there's a lot of things going on besides their relationship, and they do actually get together before the end of the series, so you get to see them interact as a couple! Also, well-developed and likable side characters, a lot of them, not to mention, both the good and the bad guys have both attractive and unattractive people, that are drawn as such! And for a change, "ugly" doesn't automatically mean "stupid" in it, like in so many manga... It was very refreshing, when so many shows only have pretty people :D Also also, the romance isn't flaunted, there's just enough to see that they love each other, and it mostly focuses on their more platonic side of relationship... oh, was this maybe why I fell in love with the series, so much? 😅 I mean, of course there's some drama, but it's still enjoyable :3

Cool, thanks for mentioning it. I havent heard of it before, the art looks pretty.
I read manga every once in  a while, but usually go with anime for more animation :P I know there's tons of them that havent been made into anime so there's bound to be plenty of good stories I dont know about :)

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On 9/15/2020 at 11:21 PM, Moonman said:

Maybe it's because most hetero romance in pop culture is just two attractive people boning the daylights out of one another?

I was going to say that most hetero romance in pop culture seems to have zero chemistry between the participants.

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I think most romance in entertainment is forced, it doesn't come about naturally. This is especially true for straight couples. Usually it's boy and girl exist, boy and girl must kiss.

So I usually get pretty annoyed when a relationship is shoved into a story that doesn't really need it. I do have a higher tolerance for LGBT romance as well, mostly because it's at least different. The downside is a lot of LGBT representation isn't done particularly well imo. Sometimes being painfully stereotypical or brushed under the rug with a single mention that the character's not straight.

 

I'm pleasantly surprised when there isn't romance in a story between hetero characters, since it's just kind of cliche most of the time.

Spoilers I guess, but I thought it was cool that in Broadchurch Hardy and Miller don't end up together, even though I thought they would since they were both (kind of) divorced and straight. They just remained friends, and that was neat.

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On 9/15/2020 at 2:49 PM, Violet of the Stars said:

romance in media.

Don't worry I feel similar with romance in media. I find it such an intimate thing between myself and another, that watching other people being romantic is kind of gross to me.

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