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Strawberrydoc

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Strawberrydoc

 

I’m 50 years old and just realizing I’m probably asexual. I’ve been married for 18 years. For most of them avoiding sex because it made me uncomfortable. 
 

when I was younger I had sex and I think used it for power more than my own desire. After marriage, he was going through back surgeries and on pain meds so didnt have much desire so it didn’t seem like a problem. Then we had kids and that was my excuse why I didn’t want sex. Then it was that I went through early menopause (at 25) so it was hormonal. Then it was stress. All this time my husband was openly communicating with me how much he needed sex and 

intimacy. 
 

we almost divorced at one point. He was so frustrated and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want sex. I tried counseling. Etc. nothing changed

 

I finally,  a few months ago told him I think I’m asexual. He’s been very supportive and understanding but says he needs intimacy and sex but doesn’t want to split and break up our family. 
 

we’ve agreed to try an open marriage. It was this or we split.  He met someone and has been dating, being open and honest but it’s still killing me. 
 

I feel so confused and alone. right now just got my kids to bed. My husband is spending the night with some other women. Just wish this could all be different. 
 

looking for someone to understand....

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Hi @Strawberrydoc.  Welcome to Aven!  So sorry about your hard times--you'll find lots of similar stories and understanding on Aven.

 

It is an Aven tradition to offer new members cake: 🍰 🍰 🍰

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@Strawberrydoc, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 🎊 🎊 

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Can I suggest looking at the "Asexual Relationship" and "sexual partners friends and allies" forums 

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On 8/28/2020 at 11:43 AM, Strawberrydoc said:

how to accept myself, how to be ok with my husband seeing other women?

Have you guys read and researched about polyamory?  Opening the marriage without reading and planning for the challenges is almost guaranteed to go badly.

 

Polyamory.com is a great resource, and there's several books I've seen recommended on the topic:

 

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
the smart girl's guide to polyamory
more than two
the ethical slut
stepping off the relationship escalator, uncommon love and life
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

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