Is it bad i wan to date with an asexual person when I am not asexual?

[Gago]

I am not ace I am sexual however personally  i would like to have a sexless relationship I have noticed when I dont get pleasure I am more focused in my life and i can have a better relationship with the people. Personally  I don want to practice sex anymore is there any asexual would date with me?

[SunlitMoonlight]

I, personally, would date a celibate sexual.

Mostly cause if we get married I would greatly like kids. 

And the fact that male asexuals my age are fewer and farer between than girl asexuals my age.

*shakes head at heteroromanticism* that right there is proof you don't choose your orientation lol

[Guest]

I'm pretty sure there are ace girls who would date you, but you should use some dating app

https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/dating-sites-for-asexuals

You can try with one of these apps.

[Gago]

5 minutes ago, SunlitMoonlight said:

I, personally, would date a celibate sexual.

Mostly cause if we get married I would greatly like kids. 

And the fact that male asexuals my age are fewer and farer between than girl asexuals my age.

*shakes head at heteroromanticism* that right there is proof you don't choose your orientation lol

OMG i  can not believe it @SunlitMoonlight  I want to have children too but I have a question do you like giving kisses and hugs to your partner? i like feeling beloved 

[Gago]

oh thanks@MaggieB

[SunlitMoonlight]

Just now, Gago said:

like giving kisses and hugs to your partner? i like feeling beloved

yaaasss hugs idk about kisses tbh the boys ive dated have been trash at dating but i think id like it

handholding and cuddling and probably kissing and just lots of love 

tbh i think i took a love languages quiz a while back and physical affection was like my second. After Quality time or something else i forgot lol

 

[Gago]

 @SunlitMoonlight OMG that I was looking for lol

[ellunar_eclipse]

As an asexual dating an allosexual person, I can confirm that there are many asexuals who are willing to have a partner who experiences sexual attraction. It can be difficult to work around the differences between someone who is completely sex-repulsed like me and my boyfriend, who experiences strong sexual attraction, however, I have found that the most important part in any relationship is communication and setting firm boundaries. While each person varies on how much physical affection they desire, most asexuals I know are comfortable hugging and cuddling, while some are a bit iffy about kissing. It really just depends on their comfort level and what they want from a relationship. My boyfriend and I are still in the early stages of our relationship, with the extent of our physical affection being hand holding, hugging, cuddling, and the occasional kiss on the cheek, but even so, we both feel loved and valued in our relationship, and that's all that most romantically inclined asexuals usually desire. I would definitely suggest checking out the dating apps in the link above that @MaggieB supplied, because it might help you find someone and connect with them. You seem like a really sweet person and I'm sure that there are plenty of different people who might be perfect for you, asexual or not. I wish you the best of luck in your search. 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, mind_is_a_prison said:

As an asexual dating an allosexual person, I can confirm that there are many asexuals who are willing to have a partner who experiences sexual attraction. It can be difficult to work around the differences between someone who is completely sex-repulsed like me and my boyfriend, who experiences strong sexual attraction, however, I have found that the most important part in any relationship is communication and setting firm boundaries. While each person varies on how much physical affection they desire, most asexuals I know are comfortable hugging and cuddling, while some are a bit iffy about kissing. It really just depends on their comfort level and what they want from a relationship. My boyfriend and I are still in the early stages of our relationship, with the extent of our physical affection being hand holding, hugging, cuddling, and the occasional kiss on the cheek, but even so, we both feel loved and valued in our relationship, and that's all that most romantically inclined asexuals usually desire. I would definitely suggest checking out the dating apps in the link above that @MaggieB supplied, because it might help you find someone and connect with them. You seem like a really sweet person and I'm sure that there are plenty of different people who might be perfect for you, asexual or not. I wish you the best of luck in your search. 

From what I see, OP and SunlitMoonlight are into each other.

[KiraS]

I'm in an LTR, but i suspect that trying to have a sexual relationship again would be an uphill struggle for me.

[Steadystate44]

Not sure this even relates to your question, but for me I date the person, not their orientation. Differences in orientation can create some strife once the relationship is established, but I think what causes me (and possibly other people) to want a relationship with someone in the first place is a combination of things. Physical attraction is on the list for me (as a sexual person), but it's certainly not the only thing, or even the main thing.

 

I would think someone would not reject you based on your being sexual as long as you were not asking things of them they cannot give.

 

But if your main criterion is that the person is asexual, you may find that you or they miss the mark on other counts.

[Traveler40]

17 hours ago, Steadystate44 said:

I date the person, not their orientation.

This has stuck with me. Sure, I understand some here have known from the outset and stayed, but it seems to be the exception with good reason.

 

Mismatched orientations is a recipe for trouble for most. It’s not like other aspects one might ignore in mate selection. Orientation speaks to base needs. Those needs are damn near impossible to happily or successfully ignore on a longer term basis. Yes, I understand some folks do make that choice, but it’s both tough and not the norm for a reason.

 

Being heterosexual, I’ve been sitting here trying to imagine falling for one of my gay friends. Nope, it doesn’t work in my mind. Could I create a life with them? I suppose, but why would I sync up with someone I know can never be that which I need?  Instantly I think of the AVENites that knew from the outset and are happily paired anyway. I’m happy for them and also believe they are the exception. They illustrate that it can work, but it’s not the norm.

 

No, I’m not trying to spark another argument on whether or not sex is a need, although clearly I believe it is. I’m also not trying to ignore the millions of folks who choose vocational work which includes celibacy. I am simply saying that for most folks it’s unworkable so choose wisely.
 

One thing I plan to explain to my kids is that mate selection will be one of the most important things they will decide. Compromises are a given, but try to avoid compromising on foundational aspects counter to who they are. Can it work? Sure, but I tend to think there are much better ways to go. Life is already tough enough without denying your very nature.

[Steadystate44]

1 hour ago, Traveler40 said:

No, I’m not trying to spark another argument on whether or not sex is a need, although clearly I believe it is. I’m also not trying to ignore the millions of folks who choose vocational work which includes celibacy. I am simply saying that for most folks it’s unworkable so choose wisely.

I agree, Traveler40, that for me sex is a need. This has lead me to entertain a model of relating (open) I'd never previously considered and don't find ideal.

 

Guess I was a bit playing devil's advocate by saying that choosing a person because they are ace while OP is not could lead to it's own difficulties. The premise is Gago wants a relationship specifically that avoids sex, even as Gago identifies as sexual.

[KiraS]

It is really weird to me that people seem to have no problems with my history of queer, kinky, and polyamorous sexuality, but get their nose out of joint that I have not had sex in over a decade and am not looking for sex.

[Steadystate44]

1 hour ago, KiraS said:

It is really weird to me that people seem to have no problems with my history of queer, kinky, and polyamorous sexuality, but get their nose out of joint that I have not had sex in over a decade and am not looking for sex.

Nose not bent out of shape at all over considering that you (and others) prefer to relate without sex. There are  people who value that attribute specifically, as Gago may be hinting toward. Seeking an ace specifically to create the sort of relationship they prefer is great.

 

But KiraS, I'm certain there are many other features of you that would recommend you as a desirable relationship partner, even to a person who prefers that you are exactly who you are (including celibate).

 

Referring back to OP, I guess I have some curiosity about their question. Trying to figure out what would be wrong with it or why they question is it wrong to want that.

 

I don't think it's wrong for anyone to want what they want, but I would encourage Gago to be honest with the chosen targets of their attention that they do not identify as ace, if that is true for them.

 

[MrDane]

My question to the OP would be, whether he think he could be wanting celibacy now or forever. If he says “forever” then I would argue, that he more likely is in a process of finding his asexuality. If he says “now or at least for a while”, then he should remember that an asexual partner will be asexual forever.

[WrenIsNotMyRealName!!]

On 9/1/2020 at 11:50 AM, Steadystate44 said:

Trying to figure out what would be wrong with it or why they question is it wrong to want that.

Probably cause it lowkey sounds like fetishization(or whatever the none sexual form of that is). Not that it is, that's just the initial vibe I got from the title.

[Philip027]

Don't see why it would necessarily be bad, so long as you're not being deceptive or have false expectations.  Everyone's got their own reasons for wanting what they want.

[InariYana]

On 8/26/2020 at 1:10 PM, Gago said:

I am not ace I am sexual however personally  i would like to have a sexless relationship I have noticed when I dont get pleasure I am more focused in my life and i can have a better relationship with the people. Personally  I don want to practice sex anymore is there any asexual would date with me?

You may be a match for some greysexual people too (or you may be one yourself?), especially the ones that don't experience sexual attraction often and choose not to act on it, or it's only weak, or vanishes quickly. I'd be happy in a sexless relationship (sex is not a need for me), or one with sex happening like every few months as some sort of special occasion, enjoyable, sensual thing. It may seem strange to some, but there are sexual people who don't want sex often or prefer long breaks in-between that make sex more enjoyable/intense/interesting. But then again... would you prefer zero sex, ever, or some sex, just rarely?  

[banana monkey]

On 9/15/2020 at 9:59 AM, MrDane said:

My question to the OP would be, whether he think he could be wanting celibacy now or forever. If he says “forever” then I would argue, that he more likely is in a process of finding his asexuality. If he says “now or at least for a while”, then he should remember that an asexual partner will be asexual forever.

Yes, he should but it depends on the expectations of the relationship, for example he may not be planning to have a relationship with that person for a lifetime/forever and so it does not matter as much. He would just leave when he felt it was the right time. My last relationship I certainly did not expect it to be "forever". so I left when I realised my ex expected it could be.