Questions about being Ace

[MollyMichelle]

Hey! I don’t know you guys, but I found this website and thought that it was wonderful. I recently learned that I am Ace. I’m really happy that I’ve figured that out, like in “a weight was lifted off my shoulders“ type of way. So I guess I’ll just dive right... I want to come out to my parents (starting with my mom first though). Not gonna lie, I’ve tried multiple times, but my mom will say something about how we are too young to be figuring out who we are. And that would make me frustrated. And when I would explain why she shouldn’t say those things, she would become supportive. I know she isn’t homophobic, it’s just she previously had a stroke and doesn’t remember stuff well. Like one time I had a friend come out as transgender. It took my mom a long time to get his pronouns right. And she still messes up today. But back on point, I just don’t wanna tell her to just have her tell me I’m too young... so advice??

Edited August 21, 2020 by MollyMichelle
I had a typo.

[flatulence]

you could wait until you're not 'too young'. Otherwise it sounds like there's nothing you can do except try what you've already tried.

One thing you could do is come out to your other parent and get them to explain it to your mum? Good luck, have a nice day. 🙂 

[Gldlynch]

Hey MollyMichelle

 

Welcome to AVEN! Here, have some cake 🍰

 

100% in the same boat as you! I often get told - or worse, my anxiety makes me tell myself - that I'm too young to know, or that I'm simply not experienced enough, etc. It's a tricky one and my heart goes out to you. You are already so brave coming out to yourself, but yeah, I might agree with @flatulence, you may just have to give it a little bit more time so you know your mum is ready to hear it. I also think that it's wonderful you are being compassionate towards your mum, and that you want her to receive the news well 🙂

 

Are there other people you can come out to? So you have a support group before telling your mum? I was the same, I wanted my mum to be the first to know because she matters to me so much, but I ended up telling my best friend before that. I'm lucky to have a great best friend, I hope it works out for you too. Sending lots of love! xxx

[MollyMichelle]

Thanks @Gldlynch! I have come out to my friends. And the funny thing was they told me that it made so much sense. It still makes me laugh today. 😂

[Gldlynch]

On 8/22/2020 at 4:59 AM, MollyMichelle said:

Thanks @Gldlynch! I have come out to my friends. And the funny thing was they told me that it made so much sense. It still makes me laugh today. 😂

Omg, that's amazing! Congratulations! I'm so glad to hear that it's been a positive experience

[Odd_Bee]

I can relate. It took me a long time to figure stuff out. I always had the feeling that I might be wired differently than most people when it comes to romance/sex, but for the longest time I wasn't aware that I fall into the ace spectrum. I have sexual thoughts (but nothings that involves myself) but never felt any desire to get sexual myself, so I just thought that maybe the circumstances weren't right or that I just needed a little push. Last year I had the courage to finally confide in my best friend and told her everything about my feelings and experiences when it comes to romance/sex. She was very understanding and supportive and told me that she always had the impression that I might be asexual. This lead me to read a lot about the different branches of the ace spectrum and I found the term "aegosexual", which describes my situation perfectly. 

 

This was a watershed moment for me and brought so much clarity. Afterwards I came out to my mother and other friends of mine. My experiences were very positive (but this might not always be the case and I consider myself quite lucky). But I am still not sure if will come out to more people, so for me this is definitely an ongoing process.